Who IBU - DH vs Dishwasher!

[DisneyMadeMeDoIt]

Hopefully a quick one but just want to assess whether IABU or not.

Happy to be told I am. (For anyone who hasn’t seen my other posts I’m suffering BAD HG- currently 16+5 and for numerous reasons tensions between DH and I are a little high)

DH isn’t around a lot to help a lot but will occasionally load the dishwasher. We have had numerous conversations about DH not using the ‘eco’ setting as it’s takes almost 3 hours (I use this in evening/overnight).

He’s loaded it an hour ago, with ALL of the knives inside and set it off on a 3 hour ‘eco’ cycle. Every single knife in the house - plus several other items I use regularly through the day as very limited in what I can eat and urgency in needing to eat FAST.

I pointed it out to him, he made out I was wrong and went to find a knife- obviously couldn’t! Then skulked away with the ‘well serves me right for trying to help’ look on his face.

I know it’s not a ‘big deal’ but eating/mealtimes are hard enough for me atm without trying to tear apart loaves of bread with my hands and buttering with a spoon 😂 I have specifically asked numerous times for him not to do it and he just ‘ignores me’/forgets.

AIBU?

Will totally accept if so! - He’s currently sulking like I’m a nightmare and he’s a dream domestic house husband 🙄

Sorry didn't mean to sound flippant. That is extremely annoying and HG sucks (I had 8 months of it) but the result is worth it.

I get the immediate annoyance, to a point. But I've got no idea why you "suggested" opening the dishwasher and taking a knife out rather than just doing it. This type of think just isn't worth the words it takes to argue about it...

Is it really worth causing an argument over sounds very hardworking in your house.
What are you doing suggesting opening the door just do it.

Our dishwasher doesn’t continue the cycle if you open it. No idea why not if it’s common for others to!

Tbh I totally accept IABU then, no DH didn’t stand in front of Dishwasher and stop me he just huffed (as though opening it was a ridiculous idea) and I felt bad so didn’t.

I’m finding it really hard atm, stuff I’d have shrugged off a few months ago really upsets me. DH doesn’t seem to listen, I politely ask...then I repeat...then I repeat...then he still does it...then I get upset and wonder why I bother?

I do appreciate it’s not his fault I’m poorly but I’m pretty nice/supportive to him most of the time (even whilst unwell) so I do get angry when he doesn’t return the same level of care/consideration

@gingersausage 😡 I’ve written many posts recently trying to offer helpful advice to those suffering debilitating HG - not once have I claimed to be ‘cured’! Saying a medication is really ‘helpful’ and makes it ‘manageable’, ‘easier’ or ‘lessens it’ is not saying I AM CURED! I’ve written in almost every post that I’m STILL off work after 14 weeks, that it ‘doesn’t magically get better’ you just have to ‘learn to manage it’ - which actually dies involve being able to eat what you need to/when you need to!
After being so open about how much I’ve struggled/the multiple meds I’ve gone through and how depressed I was it didn’t ‘get better’ for the second trimester I don’t know how you read any of my HG posts and walked away thinking I was ‘cured’!
But that’s what you get for offering helpful advice to others - judgment and called dramatic by someone who clearly has never suffered it.
‘Better’ = ‘I was in hospital and now I’m not’
‘Easier’ = ‘I was vomiting X times a day and now it’s less than that’
‘Improved’ = ‘I managed to eat half a portion of pub chips today and not vomit - after weeks of living on porridge and toast’
^ I assume my pub chips post earlier today Is the one you’re talking about as it’s the most ‘positive’ one I’ve posted - I also explained how hard it’s been and how limited my diet is as constantly thinking ‘is this going to make me sick? And if I’m doubtful I leave it as not worth it - Yes, the words of a truly cured woman

@gingersausage

The admins of the HG support group on here also posted supporting what an amazing ‘difference’ great anti acids like ‘ranitadine’ can make - perhaps you want to go on there and inform them all they’re ‘cured’ and Just being ‘dramatic’ too 🤔...

Even if it doesn't continue the existing cycle you could have switched it to the faster one (after taking out whatever crockery you needed)

Omg you really need to calm down with the drama.
There was no need to have a go at another poster.

YABVU

Our dishwasher takes a moment to restart if you open it mid-cycle. Perhaps that's what happens with yours?

What dishwasher do you have?

@purplelila2

I don’t think it’s very nice to read ‘supportive and advisory’ comments between women with a pretty debilitating medical condition. Completely misinterpret the context and then pop up on a different thread claiming they aren’t in fact suffering at all, are ‘cured’ and just being dramatic 🤔

Seriously odd thread. Just open it, take them out and then put it on a fast cycle if it doesn't continue. Are you sure it doesn't?

Our dishwasher takes a moment to restart if you open it mid-cycle. Perhaps that's what happens with yours?

Ours does this..we joke that it's thinking...have you really finished (with us it's usually opening to add things

ECO programmes should be banned for their irritating properties

Oh OP are you the poster married to a Dr who was having regular flounce because the entirity of MN didn't agree you were the hardest done by woman in the world ever? Apologies if not, but you sound very similar. I think that OP was about 5 weeks pregnant and had been on 3 different meds and we all advised that it would be the longest pregnancy in the world ever and it would be a miracle if the relationship survived all the drama and hystrionics.

@DisneyMadeMeDoIt Its also not very nice to be abusive to other posters either.
You asked for an opinion and they gave it

Order a pizza and eat with your hands!

And they say dishwashers are supposed to make life easier. I mean, and I apologise if either of you have issues that mean handwashing is not an option, but does a household of two people really need a dishwasher? Surely it takes about 5 mins to wash up? Apologies if I'm being thick and the dishwasher is more ecologically sound.

@Countrylife

I don’t think I’m the poster you’re talking about. I didn’t feel awesome at 5 weeks but wasn’t posting on MN then.

I’m not sure I’m quite as bad as that OP for being annoyed DH did something I’ve repeatedly (politely) asked he didn’t do - although I totally conceded it’s a small picky point and have accepted IWBU to be angry (I did post saying that). Having spent a lot of time reading AIBU posts (for entertainment - I think picky annoyances with DH’s/DP’s are pretty common place.

The only thing I’ve got ‘flouncy’ about was @gingersausage claiming I’ve said things in other posts which are unfair and untrue! Especially when I’ve made a real effort to be supportive/helpful to women in difficult HG situations. I don’t think that behaviour is ok- regardless of how petty anyone thinks my issue with DH was.

What I don’t get with AIBU is that sometimes you genuinely want to know. I wondered if I was just being silly and hormonal - said I was happy to accept if I was- and I even Posted shortly after my OP saying ‘ok seems IWBU I accept that’ but people still write really personal insulting comments (like calling me a liar) - then tell you off for defending yourself 🤔

I do underwear the reputation AIBU has and why but still...

Me: Ok I WBU, thanks
posters: OMG why can’t you see how terrible and unreasonable you are? Also you’re a giant liar and don’t even have HG as I read another post you put about feeling better and so clearly you’re totally cured and just being overly dramatic!
Me: 😡
Posters: Urgh you’re having a go because we don’t agree with you.
Me: 🤔 - I’m having a go because I accepted you were right and then you continued to make horrible personal comments and tell me how terrible I am 😂

😂😂🙈

It takes exactly the same number of pans and trays to make a roast for 2 as it does for 6 so there's nearly as much washing up. It's more about what type of food you eat than how many people there are.

There are 2 of us and cats and our dishwasher goes on full 4/5 times a week. There's no way in hell that amount of washing up can be done in 5 minutes a day.

Well unfortunately not everyone reads the entire thread before posting - you have asked a question “AIBU?” and you will continue to get responses to that question even if you have accepted that you were. That’s what happens. Always.

You need more knives😮
We have 21! Normal cutlery, steak, prep, bread, cheese and some whatever that is for weirdo knives.

I have had my dishwasher for 9 years and never opened it mid cycle. If someone told me not to open it, I'd probably trust that it's not something that is recommended to do and it may damage the thing.

It must be quite an old dw if it won't let you open it and close it without the cycle not finishing.

It must be very old indeed. Every dishwasher I've ever lived with can be opened and will then restart, from the Hotpoint my mum bought when I was born (the best part of four decades ago) through a quarter-century-old Zanussi, a ten-year-old Bosch to a cheap Indesit model from last year.

Most dishwashers do restart when opened and closed mid-cycle. I have had several dishwashers and all have done this. Sometimes it takes a minute or two to happen, but it always has. I think on some models you may have to press the start button again.

By the way, the length of the Eco cycle is the reason why I never use it. I simply cannot be arsed with it taking so long, and I can't see how that makes it more environmentally friendly anyway. So I would ditch using the Eco option anyway.

It isn't worth falling out over though. Just open it and take out what you want. If it doesn't restart after a few minutes then cancel the programme and start it again on a shorter cycle. I find they are just as good anyway.

And they say dishwashers are supposed to make life easier. I mean, and I apologise if either of you have issues that mean handwashing is not an option, but does a household of two people really need a dishwasher? Surely it takes about 5 mins to wash up? Apologies if I'm being thick and the dishwasher is more ecologically sound

Hell - I'm a household of 1 and a dishwasher is fab. Never have to do any washing up and it keeps the dirty dishes out of sight until I have a full load to run. Why would I want to faff around with washing up when the dishwasher does it so much better?

Hey OP, I didn’t think YWBU although I did advise you to quickly grab a knife from the dishwasher.
Morning sickness is awful and I also ate chips at lunch as they made me feel better for some reason.