Who IBU - DH vs Dishwasher!

[DisneyMadeMeDoIt]

Hopefully a quick one but just want to assess whether IABU or not.

Happy to be told I am. (For anyone who hasn’t seen my other posts I’m suffering BAD HG- currently 16+5 and for numerous reasons tensions between DH and I are a little high)

DH isn’t around a lot to help a lot but will occasionally load the dishwasher. We have had numerous conversations about DH not using the ‘eco’ setting as it’s takes almost 3 hours (I use this in evening/overnight).

He’s loaded it an hour ago, with ALL of the knives inside and set it off on a 3 hour ‘eco’ cycle. Every single knife in the house - plus several other items I use regularly through the day as very limited in what I can eat and urgency in needing to eat FAST.

I pointed it out to him, he made out I was wrong and went to find a knife- obviously couldn’t! Then skulked away with the ‘well serves me right for trying to help’ look on his face.

I know it’s not a ‘big deal’ but eating/mealtimes are hard enough for me atm without trying to tear apart loaves of bread with my hands and buttering with a spoon 😂 I have specifically asked numerous times for him not to do it and he just ‘ignores me’/forgets.

AIBU?

Will totally accept if so! - He’s currently sulking like I’m a nightmare and he’s a dream domestic house husband 🙄

Should he think more carefully? Probably.

Should he see your point and think about it next time? Definitely.

Is it worth falling out over? Absolutely not.

You two need to sort out the communication issues before your child arrives.

Your husband didn’t “let” you open the dishwasher to get a knife? he stood in front of it and blocked your access to the dishwasher? Whilst also simultaneously sulking off somewhere?

Doubtful.

Pregnancy doesn’t prevent opening of the dishwasher, removing the dishwasher and closing the dishwasher door

trying to tear apart loaves of bread with my hands and buttering with a spoon
all sounds a bit dramatic when you can just open the machine and take a knife out.

He didn't stop her, just huffed about the suggestion. Dont ask permission, just do it

Pathetic

Ya both bu and not that kind to one another but have sympathy for you not feeling well

well yes, open the dishwasher to grab a knife!

More importantly, run your dishwasher every night after diner. No need for dirty dishes to linger all night, empty dishwasher first thing in the morning whilst your coffee cools down, everything is available, dishwasher empty for everything to be put there and keep the kitchen tidy at all time.

You have bad HG and yet are getting this worked up over the tiniest thing? And writing a long post on MN about it. Honestly, wouldn't you be better off lying on the sofa and finding something joyful or mindless to watch on Netflix?

If you're falling out about this nonsense when you could easily open the dishwasher and get a knife out, then you're going to be in for a shock when you have a child and you're running on very little sleep and have a lot more to do. You two need to have a conversation and work out your priorities and how to work as a team before your baby is born or you won't last 5 minutes together.

It must be quite an old dw if it won't let you open it and close it without the cycle not finishing.

Dh always uses eco setting as well even when inconvenient, but as pp say its not worth getting into a rage about.

Next time you're at a larger supermarket, just get some more cutlery, it's really cheap. I don't think we'd manage with only 8-10 knives per dw cycle. And there are never enough teaspoons.

Don't defer to your husband about something as stupidly pointless as opening the dishwasher when you need something in it. Either you are scared of him, in which case you need to consider leaving, or you are giving in to his ridiculous whims to make a point, in which case you are doing yourself a disservice and cutting off your nose to spite your face. Why did you even need to point out to him that he had used the wrong cycle? Surely you could have just got a knife out and re-set it for the shorter cycle if it was that big a deal since you needed a knife anyway.

This kind of thing is bad enough when you're pregnant, but if you can't be kind to each other once the baby arrives, it could be really tough. Perhaps this is the time to try and set the tone for parenthood - somewhere between being a complete walk over and complaining about every little thing lies a happy compromise where you both feel as though you are pulling together.

Every knife in the dishwasher? Including those used for prepping food such as chopping, paring, bread knives etc?

My Sabatier knives are very definitely not dishwasher safe and have never graced the interior of my Bosch.

You are not going to die if you don’t eat instantly. On your other threads you said your HG was better and you’d cured it with Ranitidine, so it would probably help you a lot to dial the drama down, especially before the baby comes.

If you need a knife, get a knife. You don’t need your husband’s permission to open the dishwasher mid-cycle. You and your husband seem to have a lot of communication issues that you would do well to try to address. You should probably see a counsellor in the near future. Is your house move still going ahead because the stress of this on top of everything else will make things even more difficult.

I suggested opening the dishwasher to which DH huffed as it wouldn’t ‘finish the cycle’ - it’s half way through

To which you ignored him, got a knife out, closed the door and it resumed the cycle, yes?

It will carry on from where it was when you shut it. DH doesn't like being challenged or being wrong so he's blaming you and sulking.

You will shortly have two babies on your hands.

Whenever I've opened the dishwasher, not realising it's on, I get sprayed in the face with hot water. Do I have a dodgy dishwasher?

Why don’t you just put the dishwasher on every night before you go to bed, and then all your stuff will be clean at the start of every day.

The eye roll to him making himself a bacon sandwich on a Sunday morning doesn’t give a great impression of how you’re acting at the moment - what on earth is wrong with him doing that?

It sounds like you just want to blame everything on him tbh

Every knife in the dishwasher? Including those used for prepping food such as chopping, paring, bread knives etc? hmm

My Sabatier knives are very definitely not dishwasher safe and have never graced the interior of my Bosch.

Mumsnet bingo!

Open dishwasher, take out knife. Faster than posting here!

I quite often take stuff out mid-cycle. Usually the cheese grater as despite having two, they both always seem to go in at the same time. The dishwasher just carries merrily on when you close the door again.

Every single knife in the house - plus several other items I use regularly through the day as very limited in what I can eat and urgency in needing to eat FAST.
Eat with your hands, like a wolf.

I've had HG. I get it. Every bloody thing is a struggle. The panic surrounding keeping yourself nourished enough to grow a baby the constant battle with depression due to it and the change in relationship with your partner as they simultaneously want to care for you, don't care for you properly because they just don't get it and battle with guilt that they've done this to you.

Consider yourself lucky. DH is in charge of the dishwasher. I pointed out it needed a clean so while I was snuggled down in bed he decided to clean it at 6am this morning.

With fucking fairy liquid. And he squirted extra in for good measure.

Naturally he had to wake me up to sort it 6.30am... sob!

I open my dishwasher nearly every cycle for some reason or another. It won’t affect the cycle.

But OP I had HG and I get you. Food becomes a major source of anxiety and when you decide you want something you want it exactly when and how you want it, not scrapping around trying to get around avoidable problems. Months of sickness makes you somewhat inpatient!

Once my DH made a pie in the oven without removing the roasting tray from the day before. The smoking oil smelt so bad and made me so sick I cried for hours and threatened to stay in a hotel 😭

Ps sabatier knives are very much the budget end of posh knives, and Bosch is a mid range choice but good try