child arrangement order

[PAULFABS]

Hi , everyone i’m new to this , but i’ve been reading slot of the threads and in looking for advice and opinions . Basically i have a little girl of 4 yrs old . Me an her mum we’re constantly arguin etc etc and i was constantly being kicked out and having to go stay at mums , hotels etc until u decided it was toxic for my child and decided to make a break .Me and my ex have been ok to a certain extent and i used to have my daughter every tuesday thursday and saturday overnight .. when we were on and off etc .. then we ended up back together but at this point i had got my own house back ( it was rented out ). any way we continued to fall out and each time i’d have my daughter tuesday thursday saturday . until one night my daughter tells me mummy had a new friend who was sleeping in bed with her and her mummy .( less than a month after, i finally left ) i hit the roof . n sent her 3 or 4 nasty texts . nothing sent since . however she rang the police. . no action was taken and she then dictated that instead of having my daughter tues thursday and saturday . i now had to have her . tuesday , thursday ,one week and tuesday thurs fri saturday sunday the next .

i did this without ever letting her down and basically i had my daughter 7 days out of 14 month ..( joint custody in my eyes) in this period she was always threatening to stop me seeing her etc etc , but never did . but she would always change the arrangement to suit her ,ie if bank holidays fell in my weekend she would change it so she had her . constantly changing the rules . however recently she had said i can’t have her 7 out of 14 now . but only tues thurs one week n tues fri sat the next ( after i argued about payin maintenance cos i still have 45 pound a week even tho i had her half the time . she has change my daughters nursery without consulting me . n i am not happy with the current set up . i want my old days back and have since applied to get a court hearing , we will get a date soon enough .but her mum doesn’t know yet and has always threatened to stop me seeing my daughter if i went to court . how do i think a court will cure my situation ?

whenever she wanted to go any where she always used to give me first refusal . the ironic thing is . since the 13 august 2018, that’s when the 7 day out of 14 started .. until. one day a few week back when she changed it. i have kept a thorough log of all the day’s u had my daughter etc . in this period there were 384 days . out of them days my ex had my daughter 50.2 % if the time and me 49.8 %.. but the funny thing is . if i didn’t go away on a lads holiday and she didn’t stop me having my daughter for a few days , i’d have actually had my daughter a bigger percentage of the time .., it was my daughters bday on the 14 september this yr .( my day ) but i let my ex have her cos she wanted to throw a party fir her . cos my daughter fun is more important . i let her in the reasoning i could have her in a different day . she threw the party then stopped me having her on the re arranged day !!!! it’s all wrong

And that is what you need to present factually. You've rearranged for your Dds benefit - even though you'd have loved to spend her birthday with her.

what’s DD DS ETC ETC mean lol . like i say i’m new to this lol

dd = dear or darling daughter
ds = " " " son
dc = " " " chid/children
dm = " " " mother
df = " " " father

So she is 4 - is she at school

What distances are you and the mother away from the school.

The main/only focus of the court will be what is in the best interests of your daughter and the best split to facilitate this.

it is also likely that you will need to have a barrister at court and that you will be encouraged to sort it out between the two of you rather than have a full on hearing. You need to decide exactly what you are looking for and be prepared to accept

How quickly can your solicitor get this matter before the courts?

As your ex has blocked your number and you have no way of knowing how your dc is faring without going through the bf with convictions for violence, which would seem to be both unreasonable and fraught with potential for nastiness/fisticuffs, it occurs to me that you may have grounds to apply for an emergency ex parte residence order.

Ex parte means 'for one party'. Your ex would not be notified of your application unless or until it was granted and the first she would become aware of it would be when the order was served on her requiring her to relinquish custody of the dc to you.

However, if granted, the order would be temporary pending a full hearing of the case which is usually set within 28 days of the date of the order at which time your ex would be able to make her objections known and you would be able to set out your case for a permanent order.

My concern is for the welfare and wellbeing of a nursery-age child who may be confused and upset that she is no longer seeing her df and I strongly disapprove of any parent who plays fast and loose with contact and uses it, or withholds it, to punish or otherwise hurt the other parent.

Applying for a child arrangements order may not result in a hearing this side of Christmas, meaning that you may still be separated from your child at the time of year that is customarily all about dc.

Applying for a residence order, albeit temporary, may prove to be a way of getting this matter before the courts sooner rather than later. If a temporary order is granted and should the court ultimately decide to award custody to your ex, it should have something to say on the matter of contact that will go some way to regularise your position pending a hearing for a child arrangements order.

This course of action is unlikely to endear you to your ex, but my guess is that nothing you do is likely to please her at the present time. As I'm inclined to be proactive, I would go for it but that's easy for me to say and you need to think it through very carefully and discuss it with your solicitor who may, being appraised and made aware of the full facts, reach the conclusion that there are insufficient grounds to substantiate an ex parte application.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck and hope that you are reunited with your dc in the very near future.

@DonKeyshot

Great advice - OP, you should really do what ahs been suggested by this poster.

OP = Orignal Poster (YOU)

she’s at pre school ., starts big school next september . the school she attends is literally 2 mins in a car from her mums . and it’s 9 mins fro my house . so that is not an issue . i would nothing more than to sort it out amicable with her .but it’s nigh on impossible when she can’t compromise in any way .i asked her to explain why she has changed the arrangement SHE made . and she says it’s better for my Dd routine??? when i argued she’s been in a routine for 14 month she , says @ this is what’s happening. deal with it . if i’m not happy then take me to court .. when i say i will . she says “ well u won’t see my Dd till it gets to court . so u can’t win . she has played in my fear of not seeing my girl for so long but i now need to put a stop to it for my own sanity

quartz . i have had advice off a solicitor . and mediation . i have applied for a court hearing and should get a letter back with five to ten days ( from last tuesday) the court said it could take between 4 to 8 week depending on how busy they are

I would ask your solicitor about the emergency ex parte residence order.

i’m not actually separated from her at this moment but could be once she gets the letter . but will she stop me seeing her , knowing that is what i have stipulated she will do ?? it would just prove me right !! so will have to wait and see

Keep logging everything, no matter how trivial it may seem, and take note of itsgettingweird's sound advice to keep it factual - unemotional and not given to hysterics is the way to go.

I hope you've got some dosh to throw at this as court fees/solicitors/barristers etc don't come cheap.

Unfurtunately, these types of matters sometimes have to get worse before they get better. Just hang on in there and keep thinking about your DD's long term future seeing you. I agree with previous poster who said your ex is going to be difficult however you play it - better to go in strong to show you mean business - she may at least then decide to make an arrangement to reduce her having to pay legal fees.

Good luck!

thankyou so much for ur help . it has been very much appreciated .there has also been in numerous occasion ,violent outburst against me by my ex . ( actualky physical and in the company of others at times .i did have voice recordings if this on my lap but could not find them the other day . this is not the route i want to go down etc etc . but if it is my “ secret weapon “ and gives me the upper hand so to speak then it is what i will have to do . but i’d rather it remain amicable to a certain exten my . it’s all something that could be agreed and adhered to but for some reason my ex is insistent on using my daughter to get one over on me and upset me . totally out of order

i’ve enough equity in my house to fund it i would guess . this is all stuff i have thought of . it must be really hard for less fortunate people

I'd def get a tech expert to locate the recordings on your laptop and tp print off any text messages.

These are not secret ammunition. These are the reasons you need to be protecting your DD. Please locate and provide to your solicitor. Can you imagine if things escalated further in front of your DD and you had not said anything? No shame in the truth.

that’s Nother thing . she never texts anythin that will cause her to look bad !! basically when i wasn’t blocked i’d try to text her about my daughter etc . she wouldn’t reply so i would then try to remonstrate with her about how i feel etc ( never nasty or anythin ) but she then tries sayin i’m harassing her . when un reality if she just have me a straight answer in the first place . i wouldn’t need to text her again . it’s all game playin .

It seems you should hear back from the court this week.

If you're able to get a date for a child arrangements hearing within the next 6 weeks put the emergency residence order on ice and hope the hearing's not adjourned because your ex fails to attend.

If you're not able to get a date this side of Christmas, and if your ex refuses to allow you contact at any time, consider applying for the residence order.

If you feel you have no alternative but to apply for an emergency residence order, I would suggest 18/19 or 20 December would be fortuitous date as they would be likely to guarantee that you have custody of your dc over Christmas through to sometime in the New Year.

I sincerely hope it's your intention to be represented by a solicitor or barrister.

thankyou donkey shot this is what u will do . ur advice is much appreciated . the only good thing about my ex threatening to stop me seeing my daughter is that she likes her free time too much .. at one stage she wouldn’t even ring my daughter from thursday till monday ( my weekends) so it would actually piss her off if she had to have my daughter every weekend . plus the fact that she knows about me having recordings , will possibly make her feel that i mean business . only time will tell and i will happily keep u informed if any new news . ur help ( everyone’s ) is very much appreciated

It is indeed hard for those less fortunate than yourself, but the courts generally fall over backwards are understanding of those who self-represent, however they can find themselves at a disadvantage if the other side has a suited & booted team of shit-hot lawyers at their disposal.

On such an emotive issue as child arrangements you are best advised to have a legal eagle speaking for you as, when doing it yourself, it can be hard to think on your feet in the unfamiliar environment of a court room.

🤞🍀

donkey shot. u seem very knowledgeable ? are u a solicitor urself or something along them lines

i now need to put a stop to it for my own sanity

Important though it may be, it's not just your sanity that's at stake; it's about a little girl who loves her daddy and needs the stability of knowing that, whenever she whenever she says goodbye to him, she can confidently expect that she's going to be seeing him again soon.

I'm sure that, if deemed necessary, your solicitor will be able to refer to the matter of your dd being in bed with the drug taking violent bf and her dm in a 'for information only' manner, or may invite your ex to be forthcoming about her sleeping arrangements.

< clutches pearls >

Let's keep it to "something along them lines", PAUL

Apologies for the repetition of whenever she in my previous post - preparing to pearl clutch is enough to take anyone's eye off the ball.