To hate the concept of holding the fucking door?

[IAmABitchAndIDC]

Obviously if someone is literally right behind you, fair enough, it doesn't cost you anything to hold the door for half a second.

But when someone's about 100 yards ahead, they hold the door, they get split off from their party, you have to walk faster to recieve said door because you don't want to put said person out they have to walk faster to catch up with their party, etc.

I have mobility issues that aren't immediately apparent and the amount of rude comments or bitchy looks I've gotten because I physically can't walk any faster to get to the door, just let the fucking thing close! I can open it again.
Not to mention that you then have to say thank you, not a big deal for most people, but I don't like talking to strangers. I have social communication issues and I know I'll come off as rude or ungrateful when I don't mean to.

As a slight hijack, can I ask everyone to report twatty SpaG comments to HQ when they see them? They are deleting all the smug superior arsehole comments these days and are pretty on the ball about it.

I understand the OP's point, but I think at the end of the day, it's just people trying to be nice.

In my experience it tends to be the misogynistic men who do this. Stressing the them and us outlook, and expecting gratitude.

Isn’t this one of those very British problems?

It's basic manners to hold a door - nothing more nothing less. How the fuck this can be construed as "mysogonistic" I don't know! As for being unable to utter a "thank you" - that's just plain rude, I find it hard to believe that any adult cannot manage this.

I understand what you mean, OP. It's one of those unwritten rules, which can be difficult to interpret - how far ahead can you be before it's OK to let the door swing? Are you obliged to make a show of hurrying if you're some way behind? Unless I am right behind someone, I wouldn't expect them to stand there holding the door open while I caught up, but others do seem to expect this.

I’m not sure how to say this without being blunt OP, but you just need to get over yourself.

What sctially are these “social communication issues” that prevent you saying “thank you?” Really? How do you cope in shops, open the door to a delivery or get on a bus?

Have you not tried to get some help about this, rather than expecting society to change for you?

If they make rude comments then they are a wanker, frankly. When i chose to hold doors, i do so freely. A thank you is courteous but what really pisses me off is when you are right behind someone and they trundle through, slamming it on you or when you are going through and they fail to see you so walk into you!

I always just say thank you, mainly I'm with the buggy so if people open doors it's a bonus. When they let them go as i start to come through, not so much. I like the automatic doors though did get caught out when normal doors changed to auto doors over the weekend at work. Got attacked by the door as i swiped my pass.

I have no issues with saying thank you but then I don't have Autism. My son who has Autism however would find saying thank you to strangers very hard. Please understand that Autism is a disability and social cummunication difficulties are all too real. An ability not to acknowlege strangers should not be viewed as impolite but seen as the crippling disability that it truely is. It is often not a choice.

not to mention that you then have to say thank you, not a big deal for most people, but I don't like talking to strangers

If you can’t even manage saying ‘thank you’, how on earth do you manage when shopping, calling someone, getting the bus, ordering food etc?
You need to get a grip OP or get some kind of help if you cannot possibly even utter two simple words when someone has been polite. It’s a bit worrying.

taeglas - I do understand what you’re saying st it must be difficult. However, for the most part, actions like holding doors are something the vast majority don’t give a second thought about. If someone doesn’t make eye contact or say thanks or whatever, then it is what is is. I don’t think anyone gives it more than a momentary thought. What is the alternative - that we should all let doors slam in each other’s faces; never let anyone out when driving and just behave without respect for others, in case somebody may have difficulty saying thankyou?

It bugs me too.
For me it's just a minor discomfort of choosing between appearing rude by continuing at current pace or feeling obliged to speed up, followed by having to thank someone insincerely.

I can't believe all the posters piling on OP because she struggles to speak to strangers. She's made her difficulties clear but you are dismissing them.

Hi all,
Sorry if I sounded a little pissed off last night, I was in a bad mood anyway and didn't mean to sound as bad as I did!

To answer a PP's question, no I don't have 'social anxiety', I suffered from selective mutism all the way through my teens and childhood, and also have Aspergers. I know it sounds really stupid but I physically am unable to speak in specific situations, especially when I'm already having a bad day. Then I know I'll come off as rude because I physically cannot manage to say anything, I'll get a snarky comment of 'you're welcome' and that sends me into a downwards spiral.

And no, I'm not asking people en masse to stop holding doors, that wasn't my AIBU. I just find it annoying for me as it causes me extra problems.
If I could get help I would, but there's nothing out there for people like me. So it's not just as easy as 'get help'.

I had a issue yesterday in supermarket. A lady made way for my kids and the trolley. My kids went past and din't say thankyou. The women make a snarky your welcome comment, before I even got a chance to thankher. I though she was very rude. Not the first time I have had this either. I rather people din't hold the door let one go first with this attitude.

If you see someone holding a door for you, just ignore them and start rummaging through your handbag or stand still and stare intensely at your phone - they’ll just carry on with their normal day and leave the door

I work in an bus depot with lots of men and hold the door open for them as well as anyone walking through at the time. Am I doing the wrong thing? It just a basic courtesy for me to do and I hate the thought of the door slamming in someone's face.

Your problem isn't people holding the door. Your problem is people being dicks.

Holding the door for someone is a lovely kind thing to do that you should do with no expectation of the other person hurrying up or thanking you. Then the world would be a nicer place!