Sad

[heykarumba]

My sister and I are in our 30s and we're really close. We talk everyday etc.

At the beginning of the year she met someone and I was really happy for her. At the beginning I didn't miss us not seeing each other as I knew she was starting a new relationship and things would be intense.
But it's coming up to a year and I hardly see her at all now. I feel like she's moved on and basically dumped me. I know it sounds really childish but I'm hurt. I've got young children/toddlers and I would really appreciate her being around a little more. I see other sisters together with their babies and it breaks my heart as I thought we'd be like this.

She talks about his sisters and how they hang out and I just feel left out and sad. He lives quite far from where we live (as in not down the road.)

Aibu? I am really happy for her but I just feel excluded as we were really close. And also I could really do with her help sometimes - I think that's what family is for. When she needs help in the future I'll be there for her also but I feel we're drifting apart.

I'm just keeping my distance and trying to create a support network.

I have a child and of course DP and I are both tired sometimes but I would never resent my sisters for living their own lives...

Not coping isn't something that people choose. I think it's horrible to take a 'not my kids, not my responsibility' approach to a sibling who is struggling.

@Aderyn19 thank you. I'm not horrible and I wouldn't take without giving back. She will need me one day it is a fact. I can't be there for her if she's not there for me.

So all the help she has given you so far counts for nothing? Nice.

I can't be there for her if she's not there for me

How sad that you see your relationship as a transaction.

That last comment was pretty nasty OP. She is your sister not your au pair. She has helped you a lot as you freely admit and now has different priorities. Get over it and be grateful for the help she has given you, freely, because she loves you and you are her sister. Don't cheapen your relationship and make it conditional.

I'm not horrible

You sound pretty horrible...

She will need me one day it is a fact. I can't be there for her if she's not there for me.

Bloody hell. That's not how it works.

How sad that you see your relationship as a transaction.

This. Entirely.

It sounds like she will probably have a wider social circle to support her anyway.

Wow... just

I have a sister (two actually) I’m also a mother to twins. I’m very close to my sister but I have never had any inclination to get annoyed at her for not wanting to ‘help out’ with them - it’s not her responsibility nor should it be. Would there be times where an extra pair of hands would be useful? Yes, but would I then go on to complain that my sister isn’t providing this? No.

That you’ve explained how you wouldn’t be there for your supposedly close sister because she is living her life for herself, which is entirely her right, is quite sad tbh.

A relationship should never be on the basis ‘you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours’.

My sister is younger by four years - as such she comes to me for a lot of advice when things go tits up, but when everything is okay we only get in touch every so often and most of the time that’s lead by me. We have separate lives to live and why should she be beholden to the fact that I decided to have children? I don’t withhold my advice or caring for her - there have been times where we haven’t been in touch for a few months, but she will always be welcome!

You sound overwhelmed and I get that I really do, it’s not easy with twins - but I do wonder if your genuine exhaustion is causing some resentment and skewing your view on what is fair in your relationship with your sister

Is there nobody else to help with the kids? Where are the Grandparents?

OP. Oh dear, no words...

Gosh there have been a raft of posts lately with people giving out their family don't help them enough..

This Op sounds crazier than most though.