To want christmas at home

[Alwayshangryhangry]

For the past 3 years, we have been going to my sister's house for Christmas. My dh has wanted christmas at home each year but as ds has been going through a divorce, it always felt the right thing to go to her house. This year, we'd planned on staying at home (as last year the 2 hour drive with a baby and toddler and all the presents was tough). However, sis has found out that her ds is going to spend christmas with his dad for the first time. My sis has said how much she wants us all to go so she isnt on her own. My dh would go again but I feel each year he's not spending it how he wants to and each year I choose my sister! Please help!

Invite your sister to your house.

I think it's time you prioritise what your own family wants to do at Christmas.

Will your dsis have other family going to see her? And if not, could you invite her to yours instead of you traveling to see her as a compromise?

Could she come to you? I think it’s pretty fair for DH to want to stay at home this time, but obviously not if it means your sister is on her own. Are there any other family members that could go to her if she can’t come to you?

Invite your sister to your house.

This honestly seems the most sensible solution.

Why can't she come to you?

Also three years in a row because she's getting divorced? I can see why your husband is fed up and why your sister sees it as what you do every year

You stay at home, she comes to you. If she chooses not to come, that’s up to her but you have to prioritise your family at some point.

Thing is, there is no reason why dsis can't go to you, unless she's actually working on the day. Even if she needed to be home on Christmas Eve or boxing Day (work / seeing her ds) it's only 2 hours away. Even if she doesn't drive presumably there is somewhere she could get to on public transport for you to collect her. 4 of you going to hers, when you'd prefer to stay at home, is not the only way you can support her.

If she chooses not to come that's her choice and not down to you.

I could invite her but he son will be going round to his dad's house and they live in the same area and i know she won't want to be 2 hours away in case he wants to return. I also want to stay at home but feel rotten for not doing what she wants as i know it will be tough for her.

Also three years in a row because she's getting divorced? I can see why your husband is fed up and why your sister sees it as what you do every year

^This too. One year maybe, or 2 at a push. Why couldn't she come to you?

Nope, your DH (and you) has been very accommodating, but now DSis is going to have to compromise, is my thought. You offer for her to come to yours. Your DH and your children matter too.

I could invite her but he son will be going round to his dad's house and they live in the same area and i know she won't want to be 2 hours away in case he wants to return

But, unless she has a good reason for worrying about her son's safety, he's with his dad. If his dad isn't abusive or neglectful she won't be doing anyone any favours by running to collect him if he's unsettled because it's different for him. She's be better reassuring him he can call whether he likes but his dad loves him and he'll have a wonderful time.

Again, if she chooses to be at home for this reason that's her choosing to be on her own if you give her the perfectly good option to come to you.

What will it be next year? Her ds really wants to see his cousins but there's no way she can come to you because her ds night wasn't too pop in and see his dad?

Public transport on Christmas Day/Boxing day? Not always depending on where she lives!

Buy yes you do need to prioritise your family especially as your kids are young. Hopefully she either come to yours or have someone else over but she's a grown woman and not your responsibility.

That is her choice to make but I wouldn’t let my Immediate family’s Christmas day be dictated by my extended family’s arrangements. You’ve supported her for 3 years which is lovely of you but she’s an adult, she’ll cope!

I'm very close to my sister and I do feel that in this situation neither of us would expect the other to bring our whole family a 2 hour drive every Christmas - invite her to yours of course, but it's too much for her to expect you to go to her again. YANBU to stay home

I posted a v similar post last year. Do what makes YOU and your hubby happy. Stop trying to please everyone else. I have finally realised that. Travelling At Christmas, visiting relatives is stressful. Can your sister come to yours?

Has she got somewhere else local she could go?

What about your parents? Do they not live near her (if they're still alive?)

Has she got friends she can go to? I agree with others that you should stay at home this year.

Also that unless there are big issues with the dad, she needs trust that her DS is going to be fine.

i would go to DS's as this year will be extra tough for her. and then, IN JANUARY, tell her your plans for next year before any disasters/problems can arise for her nearer the time to (not on purpose) guilt you into going .

I can totally understand anyone wanting to be at home for Christmas. Why don’t you invite your sister to yours. If she doesn’t want to it’s up to her. It’s a stressful time of year when you have to juggle family.

Another vote for inviting her to your house. If she turns you down and spends Christmas alone then that is a decision she has made.
Why should your sister get the Christmas she wants four years running but never your husband?

There'll be something else next year, however much you try to pre-empt it. It'll be her year with her DS and she won't want his Christmas to be just him and her, she'll want him to have lots of people (ie you and DH) around. And there'll be a reason why they can't come to yours, you'll have to go to them.

She's an adult. Christmas on her own, post divorce, won't be a lot of fun. But while ever you pick up the pieces, she won't have any incentive to make things change for herself. Have Christmas at home, and invite her. She may well decline, but her circumstances don't mean you have to keep dancing to her tune.

If she doesn't want to come to your house, I'd let her know that I was just a call, text, or email away, if she needed support over Christmas. I'd also consider going to visit her or having her and your nephew over to visit you before or after Christmas, so you can still celebrate together (if that's possible).

Ultimately, your husband deserves to have Christmas his way, this year. He's been understanding for three years; your sister should understand that you have a family of your own to consider and can't always arrange your plans to suit her.

Just tell her DH wants Christmas at home and after 3 years of compromise from him, it's your turn to compromise. And invite her. If she doesn't to come, that's on her.

You've been great supporting her.

And if she doesn't want to be alone she can come to yours.

If she chooses not to that is her decision but I don't see why your DH shouldn't make his decision and have his Christmas this year?