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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think my neighbour is bullying me with her bin

71 replies

Emilyontmoor · 19/10/2019 17:16

Help! I think my neighbour is embarking on a campaign of bullying by bin. What can I do? She left her bin next to my car door, it may well have been just thoughtlessness so I moved it in front of her car door to highlight the problem. Except when I next went out she had moved it back in front of my car door. I moved it again back on the pavement but late last night she moved it to block my pathway where it still sits. I fear I have rattled her cage, what should my next move be? She has form as a nasty piece of work. She bullied the perfectly pleasant woman downstairs into leaving her flat of ten years after she dared to complain about the noise she made (including screaming at her 6 year old for three hours which led to a visit from the Police and Social Services ). She reported the neighbour to the police three times, claiming she had evidence that she had tampered with her mail, shattered her wing mirror and cut off her electricity. The Police took her seriously because she led them to believe that she was living in fear for herself and her child because of the behaviour of the "mad spinster" downstairs. The "mad spinster" had lived amicably with all previous tenants and the rest of her neighbours . All the neighbours made a statement to the police for in the event she tries wasting police time again, or starts a similar campaign of paranoia against one of us or a future tenant downstairs. Since then we have been careful to not rattle her cage, the landlord has even not rented out the downstairs flat to avoid further trouble. But now the bin is in my path. This is not a good time to be having a bin blocking our path and car door. My daughter shattered her tibia and is in a wheelchair, the nasty piece of work must know as we have had multiple trips to and from hospital by ambulance. Now she can bend her knee we are struggling to get her out of the house and in the car, it took lots of rehearsing with the physio to get her able to get in the car at all. What should my next move be? I don't want to just move it because bullies like you to back down but I don't want to escalate the situation either. Any attempt to talk to her will on my previous neighbour's experience just lead to a shouting match. My daughter is refusing a planned trip out because she is scared of bin related conflict. Ideas welcome!

OP posts:

Survivingchipandkippee · 19/10/2019 18:53

While I wouldn’t normally be a wallflower I would just move it as needed. She doesn’t sound the most reasonable person, can you be bothered with the hassle of having a fall out with her and it developing into a bigger problem.

EleanorReally · 19/10/2019 18:53

take it for a long walk

Original poster

Emilyontmoor · 19/10/2019 18:55

It’s like being 5 again

AIBU to think my neighbour is bullying me with her bin

OP posts:

EleanorReally · 19/10/2019 18:58

put it at the beginning of the alley

Preggosaurus9 · 19/10/2019 18:59

I'm also missing something OP, you aren't making sense. Bins go out on the street for bin day. They get in everyone's way until their owner puts them back on their own property. That is all normal. What is your problem? Why didn't you put your bin back on your property? And if it was her bin in the way, why not just move it onto her property like a friendly neighbour would? It doesn't sound like it would have been much extra effort than the passive agressive stunt you pulled of putting it to block her car.

If anyone is "bullying by bin" it's you by the sounds of it.

Irisloulou · 19/10/2019 19:05

I would dispose of her bin.
Take it for a very long walk. Remove any stickers.

DinoSn0re · 19/10/2019 19:07

Think you might have got this one wrong OP. Are you sure the bin men didn’t dump it back on the path in front of your car door? Or kids have moved it?

BlueChangeling · 19/10/2019 19:07

As she has never done anything like this to you before I would have just assumed she hadn't had the chance to bring her bin in yet or someone else had left it there so I would have wheeled it to the spot she normally keeps it, or as close to it as I could possibly get.

If you had of done that in the first place you would have avoided all this unnecessary drama.

Oakmaiden · 19/10/2019 19:09

It’s like being 5 again

Glad you can see that.

Just move it out of your way. Keep doing that. Without any passive aggressive "giving her a taste of her own medicine". If she is playing games then your lacking of giving a fuck will spoil it for her. ?If she isn't, then the problem goes away.

Original poster

Emilyontmoor · 19/10/2019 19:11

Preggo She put her bin up against my car door. I had to move it whilst wrangling a wheelchair so I moved it to her car door which was the nearest spot not blocking the pavement. It was her moving it back to my car door and then from the pavement into my gateway that was the passive aggressive action. Why on Earth after all her anti social and unneighbourly behaviour would anyone entertain wheeling her bin up the alley for her, especially as that would be trespass...

My bin was never an issue it was on the other side of a five foot tree trunk causing no problem to anyone as indeed should hers have been

OP posts:

EleanorReally · 19/10/2019 19:17

pick up dog poo, and deposit it, with or without a bag, in her bin

push it in the road

EleanorReally · 19/10/2019 19:17

or just put it up her alley

Preggosaurus9 · 19/10/2019 19:19

Round here it's normal to move all the bins into the alley after they've been emptied. The alleys are shared so no trespass.

Where is her flat on your diagram? From what you've drawn it doesn't exist..

WorraLiberty · 19/10/2019 19:21

FFS just check the bin before you leave the house. If it's against your car then move it.

No need for diagrams or anything else.

If you won't move it and you won't talk to her about it, how exactly do you think anyone here is going to help?

endofthelinefinally · 19/10/2019 19:30

Our bin men throw the bins in all directions; into the road, across the pavements. We all have to play indentify the bin and all muck in to put them back in the right places after bin day. Maybe you could get together with nice neighbours and make a concerted effort to return her bin to the correct place.
Would she bother dragging it out to the pavement again?

Original poster

Emilyontmoor · 19/10/2019 19:35

The bin is still there and several neighbours have now reported it the Council as an obstruction on the pavement. Their general feeling is that this was undoubtedly aggressive action on her part, she has always previously left her bin in the obvious place, and we should leave it where it is and let the Council act on it.

OP posts:

hallohallohallo · 19/10/2019 19:38

Our Council don't provide the bins, they are our own. So if I dumped it it would technically be theft as well as escalating the issue. They have pretty strict rules about leaving your bins out, they can't go out until after 6pm the night before and should be brought back in the next day. She is actually risking a £3000 fine for blocking the pavement. If it is still there on Monday the Council traffic wardens will slap a warning on it.

I just want to know where you live now OP. Your council doesn't provide bins? And they pay wardens to go around handing out £3,000 fines for leaving a bin on the pavement past the allowed time?

Around here the pavements are mostly blocked with cars. No chance of walking/pushchair/wheelchair down the footpath. The council do provide bins though, which are often left out knocking about for days.

Original poster

Emilyontmoor · 19/10/2019 19:42

end of the line All our bins have house numbers on them and because there are dirty great tree trunks all the way up the road they generally stay In their spots. Yes nice neighbours and I collaborate on bin wrangling but frankly nobody wants to do her any favours when all our contacts and what we hear yelled through her walls and windows are so unpleasant.

Preggo we live in a semi, she is in the upstairs flat in the house adjoining ours, sorry I didn’t label her

OP posts:

thecornishpasty · 19/10/2019 19:42

op why dont you just go and knock and ask if its her bin? say you thought it was and moved it near her car for her (to stop it being knocked over) but it keeps being moved back to yours so you were confused who it belonged to. Explain about your daughter and just ask she not do it as you need access. its harder for people to ignore directness and easy for passive aggressive wars instead.

failing that report it everyday to the council and wait for the fine/removal of it.

CSIblonde · 19/10/2019 19:43

You continued her goady dynamic. I'd just put it where it belongs & don't react, as that's what she wants & it'll all escalate from there if you react.

CymaticPrincess88 · 19/10/2019 19:48

Boot it down the fucking road and say it was the wind.

madcatladyforever · 19/10/2019 19:52

The bin would disappear forever pretty quick if that was me.

Original poster

Emilyontmoor · 19/10/2019 19:52

Hallo The Council never provided bins. I think Councils provide bins where they want all the rubbish presented in that way. Where my parents live you are fined if you don’t use the Council wheely bin. Here they have always allowed you to put it out anyway you want, in sacks, ordinary bins or wheely bins so if you want a wheely bin you have to buy one. I have no clue as to the background to different Council rubbish collecting strategies 😂 but it is the best place I have lived in terms of the service they provide. I suppose that being strict about not leaving things out on the pavement is part of that. The 6pm rule is particularly annoying because it means that for part of the year you are having to negotiate dark back alleys.

OP posts:

EggysMom · 19/10/2019 19:54

As others have said, stop showing that this bothers you. Check the path from your house to the car before your daughter needs to travel (this seems a sensible move regardless of the bin situation). Relocate the bin just enough to resolve the issue, Don't rise to it.

MoaningMinniee · 19/10/2019 20:10

Lovely diagram well done! She still sounds madder than a box of frogs

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