Why people get annoyed at no children wedding a

[Irishmumtogirls]

I'm a bit miffed at why so many threads are about no kids at weddings. Mabey it's an Irish thing but Aby wedding invite I've had never mentioned kids and I wudnt expect it.
I was married last year onky children invited were me and dh neices and nephews and r own daughter. Al kids were sent home after the dinner to their other grand parenmnts for the night. My daughter was minded in hotel room by wokrer from her creche. We al had a fab night with no worry.
Never once wud any of my friends expect their kids to be invited to a wedding and personally wud Prib be horrified at the thought of it. Why not enjoy a night off.
I get ebf but come on there is ways around this.
Ready to be roasted lol

I'm Irish too and yes agree that most kids go home after meal etc. The last wedding I was invited to, DD was there too, she was the only child there and she was bored out of her head, the band was so loud that she couldn't even hear us trying to talk to her/
entertain her but Bride insisted that she wanted DD to stay. It was awful, considering how late Irish weddings go on to we ended up having to leave anyway as DD couldn't stay awake. Never again.

Completely agree OP. I think it's very poor form to leave out nieces and nephews, but other than that I don't see the drama. I think it depends on the stage of life your crowd is at too - we were the first among our main group of friends to get married and no one had kids so it was fine. But that group of 10 adults now have 8 children between us and I'd say there's another few to come. It just completely changes the vibe to have that many children at an event.

Maybe it's because Irish weddings are so long? I have a toddler DD, and it would be awful both for her and us to bring her to a mass at 12, hang around for dinner, dancing not start until, what, 9? Torture, for her and us. If we get an invitation we get babysitters if possible, or one of us goes, or neither.

DH and I both come from cultures where DC are invited, and had DC at our wedding.

I don't get annoyed when other people have childfree weddings though, we either leave DS at home or rsvp I can't come (eg when breastfeeding)

Sometimes (on mumsnet) when the bride/groom get annoyed if someone can't make it due to no babysitters/ebf/have a 2 week old and aren't well enough to travel then I think they are being unfair as what can you do with eg, a baby who won't take a bottle or a DC with SEN that it may be hard to find babysitters for?

I’ve only ever been invited to one child free wedding. Fortunately it was local so I went to the ceremony and meal and then I came home and DH went to the evening party. B&G were aware that our DCs have no grandparents around but we’re still a little annoyed that we couldn’t both be there at the same time. These days they don’t go anywhere if their own child isn’t invited!

Every other wedding I’ve been to have had children invited, I went to many weddings as a child myself and had children at my own wedding.

. I wud much rather my kids were not around a load of drunk people but thats just me

My friends and family don’t really have the sort of celebrations where people get drunk enough for it to have any impact on children so not an issue.

I am distracted by the 90s text spk.

I don't really care whether there are kids at weddings or not.

Well apparently declining an invite on the basis of one of your children (nephew of the groom) not being invited is selfish, not acceptable and amounts to blackmail. 🤨

No problems with child free invites - that's the bride and grooms choice. I do object to being told it's for my benefit - child free weddings are really hard to sort for us.

A proper old school Irish wedding is one with millions of kids there, all being left to their own devices imho

Yes and it's a nightmare for the staff at the venues at these type of weddings. My brother is a manager at a popular wedding venue where we live. He said kids are left to run wild through the venue while the parents get absolutely hammered and don't even know where the kids are.

They had a 12 year old a few months ago trying to buy alcohol at the bar, when he was refused(obviously), the parents came up to the bar giving out about how unfair it was 🙄.

I agree with you that there is no reason for people to get nnoyed.
They are invited to an event. They can choose to go or not to go - there's no reason to be annoyed at someone being kind enough to invite you.

Whatever your thoughts are on dc at weddings, it is clearly something that has divided opinion on MN for the whole time MN has been in existence, so people clearly feel differently. Totally up to the hosts as to what kind of 'do' they want, be it a wedding or any other social gathering.

You need to take your phone or laptop the repair shop, something is massively wrong, your post is barely readable.

Anyone who is not thick as two planks realises that not everyone has childcare available to them and don't see a wedding as a 'night off' to enjoy.

Is it really so hard to put the "o" and the "l" in "wouldn't? Really?

@Irishmumtogirls because
1- not everyone has grand parents or famiy memebers (they would trust) around to take care of the dcs. We dont. And this is more and more true as people have moved away from the towns they were raised for emplyement/Uni/Settling down with someone from another area etc...

2- very few people factor having childcare into the wedding arrangement. Its extremely rare to have a creche or 'nanny service' with the place people are staying in.

So the bottom line is that you are basically stopping most people who have young children who cant be left at home for the veening from attending the wedding. Its shit when it is also a very good friend who is getting married (If it was a vague acquaitance, I wouldnt give a shit like ost other people I imagine)

Sounds like OP lives locally to both family and friends, which just isn't the case for many people.

If people are going to have to be away from home overnight, or even for two nights, in order to attend the wedding at all, then it can be just too difficult and expensive to arrange childcare, and just easier not to go.

I doubt many people are "offended" by it. It's just the situation means they can't go. Bride and groom shouldn't be offended either.

We had a family wedding recently, DH cousin. Nephews and nieces invited, not our DC though as cousins children. Hundreds of miles away for us, grandparents at wedding too, so would have been big detour to drop DC at my parents instead, kids would have had to miss school too. So we couldn't go. Disappointed but that's life. If it had been local to us we probably could have managed, but lots of people don't live near family now.

People should recognise that when planning their wedding, though obviously still their choice to have children or not.

Oh another good reason why people are etting annoyed is becaue the bride and groom then get upset if you say you cant come and think you arent trying hard enough.

Eh, I’m not fussed about no-kids invitations but those who get the hump when their decision child-free wedding means people decline can do one.

Why not enjoy a night off.

You’d best get over yourself! If I’m going to spend £100+ on a babysitter, there are very few people’s weddings I’m going to embrace as a ‘night off’ in preference to a night out with DH doing something we both really enjoy but rarely get to do together.

Have a child free wedding, knock yourself out. But don’t pretend it’s a favour for others.

I get people not inviting kids if friends/wider family have lots of children and it makes the cost of hosting everyone (which can be significant) much higher. I do understand people inviting kids in immediate family (nieces and nephews) but not other ones for similar reasons.

I do think couples need to be considerate of who they're inviting - eg if a lot of friends/family have kids you ought to consider whether the location, timings etc are going to rule out people coming if they have to leave children at home.

I am Irish and an old gimmer and children were usually only invited if they are family ime.

Because some people are incredibly self centred and expect people to organise their wedding around their own preferences instead of those of the bride and groom.

This. I am childfree, I don't enjoy the company of children and I won't be having any children at my upcoming wedding. There are no children in our family and I've given friends with kids 9 months notice. If they can't make it I won't take it personally.

I am surprised at the people saying it’s annoying when kids not invited as too hard to get childcare overnight when it’s a wedding 300 miles away.

I’m not doubting the difficulty of getting childcare, but it would have to be someone very special to me getting married before I’d undergo a 300 mile journey with my toddler and try and get them to sleep in an unfamiliar hotel.

If it was that far away and I couldn’t get childcare I would likely decline as maybe my toddler is unusually difficult but I would find taking them with me to such a wedding extremely difficult.

I'm Irish and we had 10 under 5's at our wedding. One of them was our nephew the rest were friend's children. They were fabulous and no bother most of our friends travelled to NI for the wedding and made it a holiday they wouldn't have been able to come without the kids

a 'night off' to enjoy.

oh I do.

I had a big Irish wedding (and I mean massive around 200 guests) mass at 12, photos, then speeches and meal at 6, band came on at 8:30/9ish, drinking and having the craic in the residents bar till god knows what time. We had to do it strictly family kids only (which already meant about 15 kids between 4 and 12 aswell as the teenagers on top of that) no way was it possible to invite any of our friends children it would of been like a kids party, if that meant people couldn’t come or got offended then sorry but I wasn’t going to change my mind, only 3 or 4 people couldn’t come though.

Personally every wedding I've been to, the children have made the day

Now this I don't understand. I have been to weddings with lots of kids, and weddings with few kids. I have chatted to lovely kids, and seen some bad behaviour from others. But never once have I thought the presence of children at the wedding made the day.

What made the day was a Bride and Groom who were obviously in love, being fed and watered and not left to hang around for hours, and catching up with friends and family.