To ask for tips on how to get my confidence and motivation back

[whatisforteamum]

Somehow recently I've gone from a confident driven woman to being a laughing stock.
I'm mid 50s and have always had self esteem issues that I masked by working v hard.Up early home late and I loved it.No time to dwell and after years of managing on a tiny family budget the money came in handy too.
2 years ago I stopped driving due to confidence and dizzy spells.This made my world smaller.My DD who is great fun left home then my adored df died.
Still I carried on happy enough with my work.This year I got a new boss.as young almost as my dcs.Other people joined who were school leavers.
Some of my responsibilities were given to them for training purposes.I was given the menial jobs.The thing that drove me to juggle so much at work was almost removed.
I feel now like I have no purpose.DH has his own life golfing and working.
I have lost my parenting and caring responsibilities as well as some responsibilities at work.Not officially but most of my work is done by 20 somethings.
I've lost my drive and passion.My confidence is in my boots.I.went for another job which I'm sure I will get but can't be arsed.How do I find my confidence again?
I know I'm in a vicious circle as happiness breeds happiness.Also I always struggle a bit in the winter so I have a SAD lamp.

Any middle aged women been through similar loss of confidence?

I’m 40 and feel the same. I have zero motivation and zero confidence. I am depressed - I take medication - which doesn’t help but I’ve never quite felt so ‘grey’ before, like there’s nothing there. Hard to describe.

So no advice, just solidarity

Yep, even Carol Vordaman talks about this, so do many other famous, successful women.

Some is hormone linked, but it's also the way people now treat us, as you have found in work.

Can you not address this in work?

The thing to do is question yourself. Why are you buying into this etc?

However, many people are happy about the loss of motivation work wise and look for other things that they've always wanted to do. I've taken up weight lifting and I'm frustrated by rubbish clithes, so possibly sewing again.

What's compounded your issue is your self esteem being linked to work. Which is what causes ageing men to suffer from a loss of purpose.

You've sort of got to find the solution yourself. You will get your mojo back but it will be different.

Not to the same extent but I was in a job that was stultifying and worse than that, for the first time in my working life, I wasn't even very good at it which was mortifying.

I recently changed jobs to what I'd done a decade previously (not a backward step actually) and I'd forgotten how good I was at it. I'm getting some fabulous feedback from my lovely new colleagues and my professional self-esteem is through the roof. I now feel like a valuable member of the workforce and DH has commented that I'm so much happier (I hadn't even realised how unhappy I was).

So maybe this new job might be what it takes for you. Fingers crossed

Agree with a change in hormones doesn't help
I think you need to address how you define yourself, things change. Get selfish and what you want to do

I think I've lost my purpose in life!! Additionally dh and I realized we we very different people.a while back.Him quiet liked routine laid back.Me buzzing full of beans energetic type.
I just went to get more her but I'm walking home feeling like nothing means anything anymore.Like I don't exist or have any RL support!
Weird when I've always done things my own way and stuff what others think.
I do think my job has lots to do with self esteem.Brain fogt and hot moments have made me feel a bit flustered.
My new boss did let slip that one place he worked they ignored one woman until she left!
I feel like me m being phased out for fresh talent who are only too.keen to step up.
Thank you for saying you feel the same.
Lost.is how I can best describe it.I also feel my looks are going which is odd as I've never been good looking.

Ponoka 7 thanks.Good for you weight lifting.I guess I put all my eggs in one.basket working 13 hour days left no time for hobbies or a social life which I'm not sociable any way.I prefer to be doing things.
This must be a phase where I'm not organizing loads and doing everything at a million miles an hour.
I have spoken to my boss but he says the apprentices need to learn the job so they are doing the more complex.things for now.

I also understand the looks thing which does mske me sad, especially as despite being well turned out, I do look older. Not helped by more than colleague asking if I manage the stairs okay (we're on the third floor). I'm only 56 FFS! Wait til they see me tearing up the dance floor at the Christmas party!

Ha ha.Brilliant.I am the same.Nice clothes and slim size 10.I used to hold myself quite well.I guess I had a presence working in a male dominated world I had to hold my own.
Now I feel like my opinion isn't required.Even clothes.shopping isn't the same as I don't want to look like I'm trying too hard.

I'm wondering if your lack of confidence and general lack of oomph is linked to your menopause? Maybe look at hrt, if you have other menopausal symptoms that might be helped? Or look into herbal supplements.

Hairy yes I did try supplements and cut caffeine and alcohol.down by half.I'm now on HRT for the last 3 weeks and sleep better but I've lost my buzz!
I used.to leap out of bed before 7.I did have a cold sore throat thing last week that knocked me for six.
I always struggle a bit in the winter I just dont.feel like myself.
Happy ballsy and driven.😕

I know what you mean. I recently moved to a much more senior role in a side industry to my normal work. It did wonders for my mojo.

For me, noticing the change to being an older woman with fewer caring responsibilities hit me surprisingly suddenly. I had put parts of me on hold because there was no space for it. I was being frozen out in preference to youngsters in one work contract and I felt shit. I took the plunge and managed to leap up to a much more senior role elsewhere. My age is appreciated and appropriate. Maybe do that. Go big. Go bold.

It sounds like you need to plan to do things out of work, so that you have something to look forward to
Try new hobbies, sports, new things
Book holidays
Book local things

Nobody ever says they wished they had spent more time at work !

Make a list of things to do or that you want to do, if that helps

Make some positive changes

That is what I'm thinking too.
My job is such a big part of my life it influences my self esteem.Good for you.I am nervous of doing something new as I'm struggling a bit at the moment but that said it could be the not picking where I am and uncertainty that is making me feel crap!!
The interview I went for they seemed interested in me and said they had someone 20 years older working there and she isn't an issue.
I do currently have over 2 years where I am though.so I do have rights so to speak.
Years ago I had a job I grew to hate.. New manager was a v angry man who treated me badly.My dh had a heart attack so I stuck it out.
When I did pluck up the courage to go I was.treated so well I had no idea why I stayed at my last place except I didn't want someone to bully me out!!.

Extinct I agree.I don't like sport at all though.I can't do much while I don't drive so normally spend my 2 days off alone.Recharging and doing chores as I don't get home until 1030 pm.
I do think some of us are workaholic s though and I don't find as much pleasure.in other things as.I do work.

If it's work you like, could you find something to volunteer for?

Maybe you are bored, OP. You like challenges and right now you don't have any?

It sounds so cheesy but volunteering I find is amazing for being able to feel useful and needed and give life more meaning!

Is there a particular charity or cause you could help? Or bring your skills to or learn new ones? I don't mean this to sound patronising so hope it's not coming across like that.

I was going to suggest volunteering too. There's always people that need help! You can make a real difference in somebody's life and that can be incredibly satisfying. Sorry if I sound cheesy!

You sounds like a bit of a workaholic, and it is quite exhausting just reading it all! Maybe you can plough it all into something new...

When I felt like that I had 'borderline' low thyroid. Luckily my GP is one of the better ones who doesn't just rely on blood tests, and allowed me to try a small dose. I improved immediately, enough to take the greyness away. I then ready a lot of thyroid forums and discovered there were many other things that often went alongside low thyroid. B12, vitamin D, magnesium being the main ones. My iron levels were also a bit low.

Once all those were sorted I felt so much more myself again, and still have more energy at 64 than I did in my late 40s

Yes perhaps the thyroid.My hair is falling out badly.luckily I have loads but it is a bit weird.
I always wanted.to volunteer while dcs.we're young I tried to volunteer to shop for the elderly.I was told it could be a safety issue for me as some older people can still lash out in frustration.I always think.caring for others makes our own issues disappear 😊
So far this has been impossible due to getting up at 7 home 10ish then bath and bed.
Days off are recharging days.
I think I had a lightbulb moment.
I think I need to leave my job.....I have good savings before it drains me more.
Get back driving as.DH is so laid back he would drive me nuts.
Then go somewhere where my highly motivated organized self is appreciated.
My profession is always using people until they have had enough then they move on and the cycle starts again.

Yes orange.If I'm not cleaning.or working I am asleep.At least in the summer the garden keeps me busy too.
I definitely thrive on pressure.This thread has helped me enormously.

I do appear to have the symptoms of an inactive thyroid.

What about exercising and taking up a class or sport? and learning to switch off and relax too...