House Move - IABU?

[DisneyMadeMeDoIt]

I’m 16+4 - have had awful HG (and a million other symptoms- signed off work since BFP)

Live in a city terrace (Large 2 bed) but AWFUL student neighbours (now on both sides 🙄) there’s no sound proofing so we hear EVERYTHING. DH can sleep through it but I can’t and affecting my MH.

We’re looking to move but DH and I can’t agree on anything 😂 budget, area, level of work...etc.

Basically DH prefers houses stretching our budget - I prefer houses very comfortably affordable.
DH prefers close to main roads/towns - I prefer villages (20 mins from city).
DH thinks we can manage a bit of work - I think I’ll be heavily pregnant/ newborn so want a ‘polished’ house.
DH thinks we’ll move again before DC goes to secondary- I think it’s STILL important to be in a good catchment.

The issue is lots of these are direct trade offs - Location- Sqft Space- Price
And I have no idea which of us IBU....

As parents, what will we care about most?

Will I wish I’d compromised on space to be walking distance of a market town centre?
Will we wish we were paying £100-200 less per month for the sake of a 10/20 min drive?
(Both would still have a 30 min commute anyway!)

Will I sit in a nice, spacious, good value village house and feel isolated and miserable during mat leave?
How useful is a play room/down stairs living space?
DH wants to rule out one (lovely) house on the basis it has only two (of the four) bedrooms upstairs. He thinks this wouldn’t be a ‘family house’ even though the living space downstairs is amazing and super high spec/good value.

Please / wise seasoned parents/ share your wisdom with me- what will I wish we’d bought in 2-3 years time?!?!

We bought a house when our daughter was on the way. She's now 3, so we're starting to think about schools more seriously. We've ended up in a suburb (ex-council estate, which meant we got a bigger house for our money) and we're very fortunate that so much is within walking distance. We're round the corner from the GP, the nearest primary school is next door to the surgery and there's a secondary school (albeit not currently my preferred choice) 100m down the road from there. DD is in nursery a 10-15 minute walk away (at her speed), the local library is maybe 20 mins on foot. There's a decent range of small shops within 10 mins walk and a nice, child-friendly café on that street as well. We have two community centres, good for playgroups and a dance class (plus DW's yoga). Two playgrounds within easy walking distance, two more that are reachable with a bit more preparation. That makes life so much easier - there are a range of things we can do with almost no planning at all (obviously all walking times are quicker if I'm on my own since I rarely stop to look at every twig on the pavement!).

But, we have quite a lot of garden space and not much time to do anything with it. The plans are all there, but until we get it tidied up properly it's not really a place for kids to play. After 3 years of 'we'll get round to it' I'm starting to think that will never happen.

Also, the ground floor is now very open plan - kitchen knocked through into dining room, dining room knocked through into lounge. So it's hard to compartmentalise DD's stuff and there's not a clearly delineated play room for her. Garish plastic spreads like the plague and sorting out the mess is another on the 'get round to it' list. In truth, we've not been helped by some issues about how the house was renovated (on the cheap, involving some cowboys), but that's specific to us.

In hindsight, I'd stick with the location (we also have good bus connections, so we only run one car) but I might think again about the individual property. A garden that needs less TLC and a different layout downstairs (plus maybe a smaller utility room, since that feels like so much dead space) would be ideal.

Things i dont care about........small bedrooms.....they are only used to pretend to sleep!!
Downstairs space is more important.
We have a house that needs work.....new bathroom and kitchen. I love our house but we are not in the financial position to do this work......and even if we were the thought of doing it with the kids here fills me with dread. (I have ocd and this seems to be a trigger of mine).
Garden is lovely.........my kids need exercising!
I love the idea of mine going to call for friends and head to the park but due to house prices we are to far out from people for that.

Having a nearly two year old these are the ideal things I would look for in a house/location with a baby/small child:

Ground floor wc & easy access to utility, with dining kitchen or living kitchen (our house doesn't have these, we are looking at renovating shortly to accommodate)

Off road parking with easy access to house- ideally a driveway next to house with a garage you can store pushchair in/hallway that would fit a pushchair in

Having a couple of downstairs bedrooms actually sounds ideal in the early days- no having to trail upstairs to change baby/use toilet

Personally I would like to be within easy walking distance to a town centre, so I would probably choose the market town location over the village. Nice and easy for coffee meet ups and pottering to the shops with a toddler. Being walking distance to a park is good too.

Re schools- we are in the catchment area of a well regarded Ofsted "good" primary school so we are happy to send DC there, as we know lots of families who have schooled there very happily. Secondary is another 9 years away, we will make a decision nearer that time.

Meant to clarify re the downstairs bedrooms- I would probably look at having yours and the baby's room downstairs. Everything is so easy on one level!

We have two DC and moved house last year. Things about our new house that have made a difference - downstairs loo, playroom we can shut the door on, large kitchen/diner, utility room and garden. We're walking distance to the village amenities and DD's school, has been a godsend this week as my car has been off the road. Having plenty of baby groups locally has been a godsend for getting out on mat leave. For us location came first over house, we compromised on bedrooms because of it.

We just moved to the end of a cul De sac. It's lovely as the kids play on the street. But we have up a South facing, kid friendly, garden off the kitchen diner which the kids played in all year round and was perfect when they were young as I could see them from the kitchen. Agree a second loo if you can stretch to it. The school you prefer. But there is a difference between town and village life....only you know which would suit your family best. I'm a towny as I like facilities, as long as I have space to get to nature.

What no one has mentioned yet is how stressful it will be trying to do all this whilst being pregnant and having a newborn. You might not get a chain together anyway. These kinds of decisions are super stressful anyway, but you’re also going to be having a baby!

If I had my time again, I would have rented out the place we owned but grew out of and rented in a new area whilst I sussed things out. Taking the pressure off the decision which in fact doesn’t need to be made right now whilst you’re feeling ill.

It’s impossible to know how good a school will be by the time you apply for it. Our local primary went from special measures to outstanding in four years. Other schools could go the other way!

We're in a smallish 3 bed semi with 2 young kids (thankfully moving next year) and the things that annoy me about this house now that we have kids are mostly related to space - no separate space for laundry/drying clothes, not enough storage space for things like prams, large toys, vacuum, mop, coats, shoes etc, no spare bedroom (which would be massively helpful for grandparents staying over occasionally), not enough reception space to host play dates with 4 or 5 kids, their siblings and parents.

Things I like about the house are location, a decent sized and well enclosed garden, and a good sized shed for storage.

So our next house will definitely have a decent utility room, boot room, good sized reception space and 4 bedrooms, and be in a good location, close to good schools and family. Those are probably the biggest priorities for me now.

Personally, I would always pick rural living. I love the space (inside and outside) and the peace and quiet. The children have a safe big garden to play in. Local primaries are not oversubscribed. We do have to drive everywhere but I don’t really mind that.

As far as living space goes- an open plan living area beside the kitchen is really useful. Children can play while you/DH cooks/tidies etc. When they’re older, it’s nice to have a separate living room so if they’re playing computer games, you have somewhere quiet to sit! I also like having all the children on the same floor as us at night. I just think of needing to escape in an emergency - I would want them all nearby.

Your input is extremely helpful
We are viewing several places today (one second viewing) and will view the rest during the week- so I’m scribbling a ‘priorities’ list to share with DH when he wakes up.

Things I’ve taken from your advice;

• UTILITY ROOM- (who knew 😂)
• downstairs living space (a play room, great downstairs living space and ideally a second living room)
• Downstairs loo!
• Enclosed decent sized garden
• At least walking distance of a pub/shop/park (ideally market town)
• Quiet Street to allow ‘playing out’
• Close (ish) to family/friends
• Good parking
• Good primary school (ratings less important than feel).

Things I’d still like to ask?

• Bath tubs or fancy walk in double showers/wet rooms? Or both? What’s needed for little people?
• Financially - DH and I (after all deductions- savers and my drop to PT post baby) will make £4400Pm. Our current ‘bills’ (excluding mortgage) are £650 We spend £800pm food/general - I’m budgeting an extra £550 pm to account for larger house, short commute and baby (plan to bf and have free childcare) is this a fantasy? Also that would leave us with £2400 a month after all expenses/living and we are looking at mortgages around £1000-1400pm leaving about £1000 to ‘save’ 🙄

I’m very worried about over stretching ourselves as grew up really struggling. I worry that if one/both were to lose our jobs £3000Pm (£2500 if we tightened belts) to run our lives is a huge amount around our necks. (Currently this is about £1500)

Bath is highly desirable for children. They play in there as well as get clean.

When you are looking at location don't forget to look at nurseries/childminder/playgroups etc as well.

As someone who grew up in a village, it's fine until about 12 as you have school friends, most have a community centre, shops etc. It's only when you want to start hanging around town more or making friends from a wider area it becomes a pain

We have a 9yo and 2yo. 2 bed in an amazing city location, plenty to do, but no space for us to actually enjoy being at home. We used to live in a small town 20mins outside of city, a huge 2 bed, lots of space, 2 massive bedrooms, garden etc and that was much better for us. We only rent but are looking at going for a 3 bed in previous area. Being close to city is not justifiable in an unsuitably small place. Ultimately its balance, currently we have a short commute, perfect location, but a house very unsuitable for children. Were aiming for a medium commute, more space, but we will be in an area that still has amenities etc just not as much as where we are now, but still within a very reasonable driving distance. Downstairs living space is very important, garden is important, storage space is important. Having a few shops and a park within walking distance is always useful. Agree with good schools, they tend to follow their friends from nursery into primary, then secondary. So somewhere where you can have all these would be wise regardless of future plans.

You wish list is now the perfect family home. 😂 So don't be surprised if they sell really quick or you struggle to find it all in budget. As Kirsty and Phil always say you might have to compromise. The one thing you can't change is location. But baths/showers etc are changeable.

As for bills - do you have your 3/6 month contingency fund in case you do lose your job? If not - is there a way of saving that from the equity of this house and slightly increasing the mortgage if that makes sense.

Our biggest increase in bills was our council tax which has gone up massively...about 3 times what we paid before. Of course you can look this up when considering a house. The gas, electric water etc aren't so bad. But things like home improvements are now more costly too as the house is bigger.

Enjoy the viewings today. (There's a whole separate thread possible about things I wish we'd been told to look at when buying...I can't believe how naive I was on my viewings - e.g. look in the loft for signs of rodent infestation and damage.....check the gas fire's work - actually ask to see them on. Look inside any kitchen fixtures - over , dishwasher, fridge etc. The state of the housework will give you a clue as to how well the person has looked after the house. Hoovering around things suggests that they aren't thorough in their approach! Etc etc.

@Mumdiva99

Awesome advice thanks 😊 we do have a contingency fund (always had decent savings) but have had to do so much to our current house to get it market ready that it’s currently at about 2 months! We do plan to take a little out of our (good sized) deposit.

We also spoke to the mortgage company yesterday and got an AIP to an amount more than we need (but still 150k less than they ‘would’ lend us!

So we had our viewings and 2 of the properties are REALLY strong contenders. Both are villages 10 mins from market town and 25 mins from city - none of the MT ones were right (generic busy new build estates, over priced and under cared for!)

Both A and B are a ‘similar’ price. Have similar floor space, similar locations for commute...etc.

A- Has more downstairs space (just 2 beds upstairs though), higher ceilings, much bigger hallway, better energy efficiency, larger kitchen (would fit dinning table), finished to a high spec, lovely fixtures (oven range, built in white goods...etc) and 10 mins closer to my mum.

B- Has an extra bed and 2 extra baths, VERY pretty location (think rolling country hill views) and generally prettier house (from outside). Less downstairs space (more upstairs) and no dinning kitchen (separate dinning room). Bigger living room, lovely garden. Would need redecorating though as the style now is ‘bold’ 😂🙈 kitchen is nice but rooms would need repainting/Re carpeting and bathrooms would need modernising (a bit). Despite similar Sqft - this feels ‘bigger’ and ‘colder’ to me - not sure id love being alone when DH works nights (hard to tell as badly decorated/furnished though so doesn’t feel as ‘homely’.

However, B is in a BEAUTIFUL location - and is a ‘beautiful’ house, whereas A doesn’t have views or rolling hills and is in a ‘less’ pretty village but is lovely non the less and finished to a much higher standard.

DH is in love with B but already grumbling about my insistence that we get decorators in immediately to do all the work (I’ll be heavily pregnant) and get the bathrooms sorted. He said several times that things could wait as ‘we won’t use that extra bedroom for ages’ but I know if we wait it’ll be 5 years from now and STILL the room we keep the door closed on 😂🙈

Pregnancy hormones are making me intense about everything being ‘right’ but I can tell DH isn’t pleased about spending £15-£20k from deposit to get B ‘right’. He’s realised I’m not budging though - told him ‘if we can’t afford to do the work immediately then we have to rule that house out and go for the one that’s ready to move into’ now he’s agreeing to the work saying it’s no problem 🙈😂

Have they got drives?

How to the villages differ?

FWIW
A- Has has the most made of it/ everything done to such a high standard...etc it would be lovely to move straight into but equally is already on the market for top end of what it’ll ever be worth (as everything is 👌🏻)
B- Is valued about £40-£50k higher than selling price (due to decor) but could make a fair profit.

I’m SO torn, when I think of going for either I feel sad about the other. Wish I could pick up house A and drop it in house B’s location.

I’m also annoyed at DH (IKIABU 🙈) for being so upfront about preferring B. Despite knowing A would be so much easier for me. I feel like I make a lot more effort to ‘get on board’ with what DH really likes/wants as him being happy makes me happy. Whereas he doesn’t do it the other way around.

He either likes something or he doesn’t (VERY PICKY) and I don’t feel my happiness effects his opinions. He won’t make the most if something for my sake.

Silly example but we ALWAYS end up watching his TV shows. He’ll offer 4-5 options (none of which would be my first choice) but I’ll pick whichever I prefer so we can just watch something! But other way around he would say no all my choices then spend the ENTIRE night trying to find a ‘compromise’ - he’d rather spend the whole night browsing options than watch something he ‘isn’t fussed about’ 🙄😒

So feel like I’m conditioned to just ‘go with what he wants’ for the sake of a quicker/easier life!

Look at transport links.
We live in a cul de sac 1 street from a main road.
The DC can walk to main road, school is 6 minute walk up the road.
Bus stops about a 1 minute walk away and connects with train station also on main road . Station about 10 minutes away.
This means they can get themselves to places easily and meet up with friends. Not a priority for baby but very handy for teens.

@spoonyJoe

Both have garages and drive ways parking 4 cars (minimum).
Both villages are nice, similar facilities, primary school...etc

Both are pretty but A is flatter and more ‘suburban’ feel the women wear pearls and push expensive buggies (but are very chatty and nice). B is picturesque, people travel here to walk the gorgeous country side and it’s been written about in ‘country life’ style magazines. Seems a good community spirit though but feels more ‘rural’ - SUPER fresh air 😂

@Weenurse

There are no real transport links from either - that being said it’s how it is in this area of the country - I grew up that way as did my DH.
Good transport links from market town 10 mins away - but the houses there were very disappointing

I would still hold off for market town, unless you are planning on moving again.
Talking to other parents of secondary children, children felt isolated if they could not socialise with friends after school.
Parents felt like they spent their lives in their cars or DC missed out.

@Weenurse

I think we’re concerned about the market town for a few reasons - it’s LOVELY to shop but has been MASSIVLEY developed recently. Older houses NEVER come up for sale it’s just the flimsy new builds (which seem to be changing hands on a yearly basis).
Realistically both of these villages are within cycling distance of MT (for a determined teen) and DH/I have spoken about moving again in approx 10 years as we will both be earning significantly more- especially DH as his wage is guaranteed to increase/this is well set out (hospital Dr).

@Weenurse

We also (unfortunately) have a time limit as I’m already 16+5 and currently living in a house where the student neighbours wake me up numerous times a night - through my earplugs 😭

Have you looked at nurseries and childminders in either village?