Husband throwing curve balls

[Daffodil101]

I’d like an opinion whether I’m BU.

My husband works until about 7-8pm most fridays. It’s not part of his regular job but it earns extra money. It means I’m at home with the kids and TBH it’s a long and lonely Friday night most weeks. I hate it.

He sometimes picks up a take away on the way home. Not always.

Tonight I had planned and shopped for dinner. He texted at 6pm offering to get a take away. My friend was here, he offered to get her one, too but she was only popping by and wouldn’t still be there at 8pm. My younger daughter doesn’t like take away so I cooked her the planned meal, cleared away, loaded the dishwasher.

At 8pm he texted and said he would be at work for another hour. Then 45 minutes to get to the take away, then 15 mins home. So it would be 10pm when we ate.

I’m a bit pissed off. We are starving. I had a meal planned. I don’t think 10pm is dinner time. He’s angry with me for being pissed off. Says he can’t control what time he finishes work (which is true).

He suggested I do my own thing for myself and elder child and he will get himself a take away at 10pm. So I’ve got to get up now and cook a meal from scratch when I’ve just cleared away.

I’m just utterly pissed off that he’d throw my meal plans and then get irate with me when I’m pissed off. I’m knackered, I’m hungry. But I’m apparently in the wrong?

[SunshineCake]

Your dd will winge just for one night she might get beans on toast when her sister has had a main meal and dad is late home ? Wow.

[BarbedBloom]

Just order from the takeaway that does deliver and let him sort himself out

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

You know he works Friday nights.
You know he isn't in control.of his finish time on Friday nights.
You decide you will have a tale away from him tonight.
knowing he could end up working late.
You get pissed at him that he has to work late and as such the takeaway will be late.

You need to just sort yourself out on a Friday night.

[JasonPollack]

Does he have to work the second Friday job? I feel like maybe that is really the issue here. Also hanger, which is understandable.

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Buy this for the kitchen

[Flamingnora123]

So he works late on a Friday night to earn some extra cash for the family - which I'm sure isn't his ideal way to spend an evening either - he offers to buy you and your friend a take away which is very nice of him, but he gets held up at work which he can't change. He still offers to go via the take away to get it for you but you're pissed off so you don't want it, even though it's not his fault he's late? Yeah you're being a bit of a dick I'm afraid. Your older daughter can wait or have beans on toast, it's really not the end of the world, and he gives up his Friday evenings to earn some extra money. Be nice.

[kateandme]

I perhaps wish he’d just come home and eat with us and see the kids before bedtime.
I think here lies the problem op and that's ok. But it might be worth thinking about how you can sort this. I think this goes deeper than tonight's takeaway. And you're allowed to feel like this but then you need to take that forward and sort it out with him. Maybe not tonight when you're still wired up but talk to him can you try and get another evening where you make sure you sit together?

[kindler]

Order your own takeaway to be delivered; he can get his own when he’s ready. Do this every Friday!

[Crunchymum]

@StanleySteamer

What the fuck are you on about???

[Sunshinegirl82]

You could order pizza or whatever for yourself and the DC and get it delivered and leave him to get his own meal from the take away 5 miles away. Why would you need to trek over there if you're not bothered?

I think you're annoyed about the situation generally and the take away has become the focus of your annoyance which is why you didn't just pick up your phone and order something off just eat as soon as you found out your DH bringing home a take away wasn't a runner this week, I agree that you need to discuss this with DH so you can try to resolve it long term.

[CSIblonde]

I'd forget takeout when you're not sure what his arrival time will be & have something super quick like bought Pizza, Tesco fresh curry or 4cheese tortellini (4mins)with salad. You eat with the kids. He gets pizza/curry etc cooked when he arrives home.

[minesagin37]

You sound like there are bigger issues here rather than takeaways. Sit down and talk with him about them. You sound resentful.

[teraculum29]

OP, ignore his whining is he a toddler?
treat Friday with assumptions that he wont come back early,
Feed your family,(cook or order sth for you and children) if he complains though.
Also like you I m tired of constant waiting so I do my own thing now.

[onanothertrain]

If this is truely about the takeaway it's a huge fuss about nothing. Sounds like he was trying to do a nice thing.
And plating up his dinner the day before it's to be eaten and leaving it in the warming drawer WTAF kind of PA shite is that?

[CheeryB]

Be in control of yours and your childrens' food on Friday and let him be in control of his. It's the only way. I had years of not knowing if dh would be home at 6pm or 11pm or whether he'd already eaten. He once ate on the train and I'd cooked a nice dinner. He ate it without telling me he'd already eaten so as not to cause any fuss. After he'd admitted it we agreed we'd do our own food on weekdays. It's common sense.

[KTheGrey]

Food calendar. Plan week ahead and write down what you are going to cook for yourself and the DC each day. Don't cook for him unless he marks the calendar that he wants some. He is also perfectly capable of having cheese on toast. If he's likely to be late the kids (and you) should eat; what's the point of earning money if your DCs have to go hungry?

[Sunflowersok]

We had a similar issue on Mondays my DP often takes jobs after work but it’s out of his hands when jobs are finished because things don’t always go to plan. Usually we cook every night together.

I used to ask him what time about he’d be home and of it was worth cooking. He’d say yes and he should only be an hour or so, but I’d cook and wait up for my tea and it used to get to like 9pm, then 9.30pm and then 10.... and I got flared up over it and he ended up apologising.

We’ve settled for me sorting myself out now on Mondays, and he either eats what I’ve left him or he sorts himself out then there’s no discrepancies.

Why don’t you cook you and your family and if DP is complaining about eating left over food he can sort himself when he gets home, then everyone’s happy and there’s less pressure on you? Save the take aways for saturdays if no ones working

[endofthelinefinally]

My dh worked long, unpredictable hours for over 30 years.
We lived on batch cooking. I ate with the kids when necessary, or fed them first and ate later. We just got used to it.
A microwave is essential in order to avoid soggy veg. I never kept stuff warm.
I think your problem is poor communication.
Have the takeaway on a day when he isn't at work.

[Ihateedmundelephant]

Just order a takeaway or have a snack until he comes back with dinner. Not really the end of the world and he’s at work, not out with his friends, so I think YABU.