Husband throwing curve balls

[Daffodil101]

I’d like an opinion whether I’m BU.

My husband works until about 7-8pm most fridays. It’s not part of his regular job but it earns extra money. It means I’m at home with the kids and TBH it’s a long and lonely Friday night most weeks. I hate it.

He sometimes picks up a take away on the way home. Not always.

Tonight I had planned and shopped for dinner. He texted at 6pm offering to get a take away. My friend was here, he offered to get her one, too but she was only popping by and wouldn’t still be there at 8pm. My younger daughter doesn’t like take away so I cooked her the planned meal, cleared away, loaded the dishwasher.

At 8pm he texted and said he would be at work for another hour. Then 45 minutes to get to the take away, then 15 mins home. So it would be 10pm when we ate.

I’m a bit pissed off. We are starving. I had a meal planned. I don’t think 10pm is dinner time. He’s angry with me for being pissed off. Says he can’t control what time he finishes work (which is true).

He suggested I do my own thing for myself and elder child and he will get himself a take away at 10pm. So I’ve got to get up now and cook a meal from scratch when I’ve just cleared away.

I’m just utterly pissed off that he’d throw my meal plans and then get irate with me when I’m pissed off. I’m knackered, I’m hungry. But I’m apparently in the wrong?

[rosegoldwatcher]

It is one meal. Breath and move on!
Make a lovely cheese toasty for you and your daughter and look forward to cooking a Full English brunch tomorrow morning. (Or even better encourage your husband to cook it!)

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

It's only 10pm - is that really too late on a Friday? For who?

I think it's difficult if he can't get back any earlier and you want the break from cooking. I'd probably just eat later on Friday, if I'm honest, but if that doesn't suit, could you sort yourselves out on Fridays and have a takeaway together on Saturdays?

[Jimjamjong]

so the problem is that he is picky on top of finishing late. Is there anything he really likes that could work well reheated? I am thinking pizza, lasagna, fried rice or soup perhaps.

[Daffodil101]

Not rural no. But husband insists on using a particular take away 5 miles away and they don’t deliver. Closer ones do, he prefers the other one.

I think he basically wants a curry on a Friday night and doesn’t mind driving and doesn’t mind what time. On reflection, it would be better if he sorted himself out every Friday. I perhaps wish he’d just come home and eat with us and see the kids before bedtime.

[GoodDogBellaBoo]

At least you don’t have to be at work on a Friday night like your husband. Just make some toast or a quick pasta dish. Keep meals in your freezer for times like this.

[WheresMyIcelandJambalaya]

I think you're just frustrated at the SITUATION, which is understandable but surely your DH hasn't done anything wrong -not intentionally. So he isn't to blame because he truly wanted to get the takeaway but he can predict the future to know of he would do so or not. So just breathe and realise what's annoying you isn't him per se (he is only the scapegoat/target) but the unpredictable work and family life situation.

You both need to have a talk about the schedule. Order something if you can or ask your daughter to manage cheese on toast tonight (Seriously, you all seem to be too dramatic .)

I understand why your DH is annoyed that you're annoyed -you shouldn't be annoyed with him, he tried to do something right but it failed.

[Daffodil101]

(And yes I would like a take away sometimes, so if he got one every Friday and we did our own thing, that would be the only one. I’m honestly not going out and driving five miles to pick it up from a particular place)

[GoodDogBellaBoo]

It sounds like you feel lonely more than anything else. That I can understand.

[SignedUpJust4This]

Tell him not to get anythinga because you are making a delicious meal. Then when he gets home tell him it wont be ready for 2/3hrs.see how he likes it.

[KatyCarrCan]

You've said it's not his fault so I don't understand why you're blaming him. You're the one who changed your plans. You could have said, 'no thanks I've already planned dinner.'
Maybe I'm lacking in sympathy because my DH often works away and you seem to be struggling with coping with one late night.

[Daffodil101]

(No, I don’t have to be at work on a Friday night - true - I work Thursday night instead). I have two jobs.

[Daffodil101]

I don’t remember changing the plans? He knew I was cooking. He changed the plan?

[MaybeitsMaybelline]

Order the curry Thursday and reheat Friday without him. Fish finge butty to ight

[WheresMyIcelandJambalaya]

When I plate up a meal, he complains. He snapped at me a few weeks ago because I’d plated up a meal the night before. When I suggested playing up the second night, he snapped about not wanting ‘soggy veg that’s been in the warming drawer like last night.’*

He shouldn't expect you to wait for whenever to have your dinner. If his finish time is unpredictable, you well deserve to eat when you can (you can also order takeaway) and he either joins you if he's lucky or gets his own takeaway whenever he's done from work.

[GettingABitDesperateNow]

Why did he offer a takeaway if he doesnt finish til 10? Surely at some point it becomes clear he is going to be working later than 5 or 6?

We used to be in the mindset of 'weekend treat' that he appears to be in, but now were in the mindset of ' week nights are hectic and weekends are relaxed' so have w takeaway on a Thursday or something when we're busy and cook at the weekends when we've got more time

[madcatladyforever]

For goodness sake just cook some fish fingers or something.
I'll bet your husband just loves working all hours !!
Give the poor man a break and that's from someone who doesn't like men much

[almostn9ne]

You're tired and hungry and understandably fed up. Eat something, feed your daughter, and then tomorrow or some other time when you're feeling more on top of things, have a think about how to do these Friday nights. And then have a chat together about it.

Don't rise to anything when he gets home. You're both pissed off now, talk about it another day and just be as kind to each other tonight as poss (or stay out of each other's way if that's an easier option!).

[Piffle11]

I would say the best thing to do is you do what you want eats-wise on the Friday: if he doesn't bring in anything for himself, he'll either get whatever is left from yours - reheated - or cheese on toast/whatever. I think it sounds as though he's trying to have a nice idea - don't worry about cooking, I'll bring in a takeaway - but because his hours are all over the place, it's not always going to be at a time suitable to you. I don't see it as him 'expecting' you to wait for dinner, I think he's probably expecting to finish at, say 7pm, but then it's not 'til 9pm. So stop agreeing to it! It's not as though he's picking up a takeaway on the way home from the pub, and has decided to stay for an extra hour or two - he's actually working. I know you feel like you're doing everything, but he's working, not having fun. Just tell him to stop offering to get you a takeaway on Fridays, and feed yourself. And if he brings one in for himself, don't get pissed off.

[PandaPantaloon]

Your husbands not there now so why would you not just order for yourself and our dd from whatever take away you want?

[SprinkleDash]

Sounds like this is more to do with take away. Sounds like you resent him because he has more freedom than you. Just do your own thing on a Friday. Order from a take away close by. Let him sort himself out.

[Mammyloveswine]

I'd order takeaway and he can reheat the leftovers!

But my husband regularly works until 8-9pm..

[Mummadeeze]

I would have ordered a takeaway for you and your daughter from one that does deliver once he said he would be late and offer to get his. If he wanted to drive to that specific one, I would have just let him do his own thing.

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

You're hangry, I get it. Just get something to eat. He can sort himself out. He's probably tired and hangry too.

[Skittlesandbeer]

Don’t worry, if your DD is anything like mine she’ll be right stroppy with him too. She knows it’s his fault she ended up with beans on toast.

Your DH sounds a bit like mine too. Full of good intentions and spontaneous ideas, and often actually letting everyone down with the follow-through. He should have been apologetic for messing with family plan, since you’d had to plan and shop for meal before his bright idea. He also should have been more considerate to weigh the risks of him having to work late before offering to bring dinner.

I’d make it clear with him (tomorrow, when you’re both not tired and cross) that if he wants to help with Friday dinners he can plan and cook ahead. No more Friday takeaways since three other people can’t sit around hungry and hoping his preferences come to pass.

[StanleySteamer]

Most pathetic thread I have read on MN all day! For god's sake give the guy a break. Most men do not realise that hunger to a woman is life threatening whereas to a man the statement "I'm hungry" has as much significance as "It's raining". He is trying to do the decent thing and getting grief for it. If you are hungry EAT. It ain't rocket science.
This is why I always have a packet of biscuits in the car so that wifey can snack on them if she gets hungry at any time. Mars - Venus? More to it than was ever in that damn book!