To think my neighbour is too full on with my child

[mamamilkmachine]

Okay so....recently moved into a new house. The neighbours are a young couple. The back garden fence is only waist height. We've spoken briefly just passing hellos and the usual, but now the girl who is 20 has befriended my 2 year old daughter. Whenever my girl is in the garden she comes out and talks over the fence to my girl, my daughter really likes her and now my looks for her when she goes out in the garden. The girls boyfriend has a son who comes once a fortnight, when he was here last week they was asking if they could come into our garden to play with my girls toys and to play football, i begrudgingly agreed and now she keeps trying to come into our garden by making comments to my child about coming in to play. She even posted a handwritten letter to us both apologising for not having come out when she said she would and saying that she will be there as a friend for my daughter. What the fuck do I do?

*can see

This is the best time of year for planting a hedge..

And I would feel uncomfortable by this, YANBU.

Wouldn’t you neighbours be the perfect babysitter?

Wtf! No no no!

She may have special needs.

A young 19 ish neighbour used to play with my sister when she was about 6 or 7. We thought it was strange but harmless (we knew she had special needs) but then the older girl started being nasty and would pinch her and push her over if she wanted to go home, for example. Just be careful.

@mamamilkmachine

I think you need to get a 6 foot fence. Claim it's for 'security' reasons.

She sounds batshit IMO. Too over familiar. It's fine to be neighbourly and be there if they need you, but being close 'friends' and living in each other's pockets, is a big fat NO from me. I have friends, I don't need any more ta.

This is weird!! Write her back a note
"My daughter is two, she has no need for adult friends who are not family/family friends. To be honest your over familiarity is making me uncomfortable therefore I would appreciate if you could stop asking to come into the garden. You may mean well but you have to see the note and requests to come in and play in a tent with a strangers child is inappropriate"

Very creepy. I'd nip it in the bud asap

I think given that she is just saying she will come over after she has eaten is odd. I’m not making any presumptions about her but I’d probably feel uncomfortable at the forcefulness I guess. It seems persistent for someone you barely know.

Having taught girls Health & Social Care for many years in a college I can honestly say this is not a strange behaviour. She obviously wants to work with children. I've taught girls that absolutely love being around kids and would be so excited if they saw me with my young DD. I would sort your fence out and create the parameters now but don't think it's odd because its not.

I would have a word. Children should not be under the impression that it's normal for grown ups to want to be friends with children, and when trying to invite herself round she is pushing boundaries.

I don’t think it’s odd especially because she is a step mom and probably wants one of her own bet they want a daughter. I would just keep an eye out not let them alone obviously but it’s not weird. Take the help.

Yeah I'd not be happy at all.

We have a neighbour similar to this and she has mental health issues, I just avoid her now. We go inside, pretend to be busy etc.

I should add I worked in child psychology and many of my colleagues (just as I did) loved meeting children and getting babysitting jobs to pay uni with said connections

On the plus side she'll be DBS checked if she's working at a kids soft play. It might even be worth popping along for a session to get the vibe how other kids and parents react to her. As pp stated the weather will put pay to the garden soon anyway.

You find it strange.

Trust your gut. I would find it odd behaviour too.

Is she as friendly and chatty towards you too OP? Maybe it's your company over your Dds that she's hoping for but is a bit shy? If her DP is a work all day and she's only doing a bit of PT or volunteering, maybe she's lonely? Does she seem to be hinting for the offer to pop in yours for a coffee and a natter?

Thank you for all your responses, I rent the house and already asked the landlord when I moved in to put a new fence up as I do like privacy in my garden but he refused and I can't afford it myself. The girl is friendly to me but I don't think she is trying to befriend me in the same way she is my daughter. When her and the step son came in to play (he's about 7) she played with the children she didn't come and stand with me. She also seems to prefer my daughter to her step son. She has mentioned sending him to his bedroom for been cheeky and has said before it's a good job he isn't mine! I'm leaning more toward thinking she may be autistic or something rather than a danger but I'm just not sure how to politely tell her that she's too full on. The letter she posted even said I'm trying not to make this any more weird like it probably is already!

Too weird. I’d just tell her to leave you alone.

When I was that age, all I wanted was a child, but I knew it wasn't the right time. I LOVED the children of my friends deeply and liked nothing better than blowing bubbles and playing Barbies. Thankfully, I had friends who saw me as a free, kind babysitter and auntie instead of a paedophile.

I think this is very intrusive behaviour, you don't want to feel you can't use your garden without having to interact with a neighbour. I would politely say you don't want to be disturbed when in the garden and that your daughter is too young for playdates.

Can’t think why a 20 year old wants to play in a tent with a 2 year old.

Some people like kids. That's not inherently creepy. That said I would exercise a lot of caution about any adult I did not know well who seems to struggle with appropriate social boundaries.

Certainly men are more likely to be sex offenders than women but, in this context, I don't think that makes any difference to risk.

Risk aside, this would drive me potty. She sounds, at best very irritating. Yanbu op. Everyone one being ok about this, do you really think it is appropriate for a 20 year old (of either sex) to randomly befriend a 2 year old?

She sounds pretty full on! I’d be trying to create a bit of distance and be busy (ideally outside the house or garden at least!).

Oh and yy to the general weirdness of a 20yo wanting to befriend a 2yo rather than their parent.

I would also find that a little too full. But be careful of causing problems as you have to see them every day. Perhaps she just loves little kids and can’t wait to be a mum herself, and is practising with your daughter. Maybe she’s using her friendship with your daughter to become better friends with you. Could she be lonely? Or perhaps she’s just trying to engineer a friendship between the children. Someone suggested you think she could be a pedophile. It’s probably unlikely, but not impossible. Women are capable of terrible things too. If I were you, I would plant some nice tall shrubs by the fence. If she asks tell her you’d been saving to do it for a while. Then only encourage play dates when the step child is involved. ‘See you next time you have ‘Bob’ staying over.