to give up on OLD in the name of 'what's for me won't go by me'?

[TeaCeremony]

I'm 29 and I've never been in a relationship. My life is okay but I'd really love to meet someone.

I've been trying OLD for a few years. It's so depressing. There are not many men around my age on Match or any of the paid sites near me, so I tried Bumble and Tinder. I get lots of 'likes' and matches but conversations fizzle out really easily. I've been on a few dates but I've never met anyone I wanted to meet again.

I have a few different hobbies and I'm a busy person. I don't socialise as much with friends because (depressingly) they're all coupled up and I work shifts.

I'm beginning to come to the conclusion that if love exists and there's some force in the universe controlling it (i.e. it's 'meant to be') I'll meet the person regardless?

AIBU?

I met my DH on POF, married six years with a little girl. My best friend married this year, and met her husband on Tinder. His best man said in his speech that the groom was the first person he knew to "complete Tinder", so it's a numbers game for both sexes. She dated for years and would get burned out from it at times, but she kept going and I'm ecstatic to say that she is now immensely happy.

Another POF marriage here. Did it for years and countless dates before I met DH. Only a couple of them went beyond 1 date.

Absolutely a numbers game:

1. Message all men you would consider.

2. Of those who reply, start a friendly chat about interests. Disregard those who can't hold a simple conversation.

3. Invite them to a short date within a couple of days of messaging. A coffee is quick and painless. Disregard those time wasters who are not interested in meeting in real life and just want online chat for weeks on end (that's what Mumsnet is for).

4. Attend the date and see how it goes. Aim to keep it to an hour, have "somewhere to be" afterwards - unless of course you really hit it off!

5. Rinse and repeat until one sticks.

Meeting people to date and also making proper friends is always a numbers game. Sounds like you may not be very confident with social chit chat or messaging. Just how you mentioned having not much to message. It is difficult to jump in with something genuinely interesting or controversial when starting conversations with strangers which is why the chat about how the weather predominates in society.

I haven’t run for years but if I wanted to chat at running club I would ask someone that caught my eye which app they used to track their progress. Then if it turned out to be the same app as me discuss the features or if I didn’t have it ask what was so good about it.

I don’t believe in any karma or the universe deciding stuff, I’m a great believer is the practical side of life so approached dating with a bit of a hit list and was ruthless when filtering. Being that confident was advantageous at the time.

I do have friends who have met their partners online.

Try going to park run as well as your running club.

Keep going.

I met my husband on match, and had lots of matches on eharmony too.

@CalamityJune's tips are excellent.

One thing I always did was make sure every message I sent ended with a question, it helps to stop online conversations fizzling out.

Go on many dates, with men that you not even have thought of asking out.

I have been on free sites and paid ones, you see the same people on both.
I would have thought at your age you would be having more success really. I have been dipping in and out for years and I can definitely say several years ago I was a lot more popular but never clicked with anyone. Trying to meet someone in your 50's is a lot harder.
You can only keep trying, do you make the first move? I am hopeless at that and just give up.
Yes, approach it like a job search, I keep that in mind but rarely have the enthusiasm for it.

I met my dp online. Whilst sometimes i think i would like a more romantic meeting story, actually online was the only way we could have met.

1)like you i was in a bit of a rut in terms of meeting anybody new

2)Our circles would have never of colided, there was a slight (like 30 min) distance between us so we had no chance of meeting in real life, there was no overlap in hobbies, locations etc at any point.

3. Online dating is a fantastic way of knowing people are up for dating and single and filtering out people. If you were to approach 10 people in real life, some would be in relationships, have profiles that you'd say no to (eg incompatible beliefs etc). Online dating allows you to do that screening really quick, and starts you off on a romantic path. For me as a lesbian its even more helpful because it only shows me gay people, it's harder to judge that in real life! My dp ironically tried to approach 3 people in real life situations, and now is good friends with them as could only ever manage to build friendships!

4. in real life, if by some miracle, i saw my dp was in a coffee shop, even if we both somehow knew each other was gay and single..... i would of panicked at a random stranger talking to me in a coffee shop, i think we might have had a lovely chat but not not exchanged numbers etc. neither of us would have had the guts to approach, and i definitely wouldn't respond a randomer trying to flirt with me.

Sometimes all the stars have to collide, and for me online dating sped that process up massively

Tried PoF once - One date, met DH. Give it a chance!

The thing about a job, is that we need money to live.

A relationship is far more optional. You can have a nice time without it.

In job terms, it's as if you have a private income of some kind, and you should only want a job/relationship if it is interesting and fulfilling and enhances your life.

Tried PoF once - One date, met DH. Give it a chance!

I’m a POF marriage too, I was DHs first date.

Our paths would NEVER have crossed in real life, we’re now married with an 8 month old son.

He’s a wonderful man and I’m lucky to have him in my life.

I hated OLD for the reasons you have said. I gave it up, met DH through my friends band. Wasn’t expecting to meet him that night but here we are!

I know at least three married couples who met online. Two in their thirties who now have children. One couple in forties who both already had children.

I'm engaged from my first date OLD. I say first but I'd tried it a few years ago with no luck so I knocked it on the head.
The thing is, OLD isn't the only way. Leave your profile active but live your life to its fullest. That way you are just increasing your chances. Don't get into conversations with people who only say Hi or compliment your appearance. I ignored all those and when my partner messaged it was clear he'd read my profile so I decided to chat to him. But we met quickly. I didn't want half hearted chats to fizzle out so we just met quickly to see if we clicked.

I met my OH on OKCupid about 5 years ago - first person I spoke to on it after getting sick of Tinder, POF etc.

Try some of the more 'serious' ones, go on as many dates as possible (I went on about 80 one year - I've got some stories), and don't wait for them to make conversation. My first message to OH was 'why do you hate Oasis so much?' (it was on his profile). I skipped the 'hi, you okay? Cool, what do you do? Oh just watching Netflix...' because it's boring, tells you nothing about the person, and everyone does it. Find something interesting on their profile that's grabbed you and ask about it.

Good luck!

Old can definitely suck. I would keep going keep on a few sites though as you could meet someone you really click with. IOld is just one way to meet someone . I Just wouldn't put pressure on yourself it will happen when it happens x