To ask those of you who’ve had counselling...

[Millymillsx]

..... do you/have you found it helpful?

I’m currently going through a some personal issues at the moment, just feeling unhappy and unfulfilled with life and in particular, in my marriage. Cant work out what I really want from life or what the answers are and feel a bit stuck in a rut. A few friends have suggested counselling but I’ve always been a bit sceptical.

Interested to hear from those who have used this service before and whether it helped you. I’m not referring to couples counselling. Not asking you to share your reasons for seeking help if you don’t want to, but for those who don’t mind sharing it’d be helpful for context. Thank you

I had online CBT. Helped massively when I struggling with massive anxiety that was leading to depression.

I've had it twice, both at times when I was at a crossroad in life, and I've found it really helpful. Just being able to share what's in your head with someone who's non-biased and not judging you, was a huge help to me.

I've had CBT in the past and found that really helpful. It doesn't solve my problems but enabled me to accept there are different perspectives and ways of thinking about my issues, which really helped.

Have just started family therapy with DH and even in the 1st session we both found it incredibly helpful - we're having difficulties with our kids atm.

Both are through NHS, I would struggle to pay privately.

Hope you get the help you need OP.

I've had counseling once. It was great. It was like talking to myself out loud. The counselor was not amazing by any means, but her questions and comments helped me realise what I really wanted to do. (I was trying to decide whether to break up with my ex and I eventually did, which was 100% the right decision!)

I've also had CBT twice and it was worse than useless.

I found mine like a miracle cure.

Counselling can be helpful for specific issues e.g. I had Counselling / CBT when I had a double whammy of PND and bereavement - but I found a few coaching sessions invaluable for transition times and low level unhappiness e.g career changes and personal fulfilment.

Invaluable. Saved me at crisis point from having a full breakdown

I had private in person counselling and it had a profound effect on me.

I was not told how to change the things that were affecting me, more shown that a different way to react to and deal with them was possible. And that how I am is how I am, but I can recognise it better now, IYSWIM?

It also gave me some answers behind some things - more simple truths really - but there were several "AHA!" moments for me.

(I mentioned it was private because it meant I was able to go as often and for as long as I felt I needed the help, rather than having to squash it into a fixed number of sessions. Also I would have had the freedom to change therapist if the one I picked didn't suit me. It did end up costing me a fair bit, but I look on it as any other aspect of my health I needed to pay for. Short term cost for long term gain.)

Well the trouble is of course that you don’t what you be like without it.
I had about twelve sessions after my marriage broke down. I felt better afterwards, I think it helped but the truth is I might have felt better without it.
Depends what else you have tried too I guess. If it’s been an ongoing situation then try counselling you never know.

I've had a couple of batches. The first was CBT which was helpful-ish in targeting specific issues, but ended up going back this year for counselling. This time it was great, my counsellor was really good and it's really helped.

Good luck OP!

After the most stressful year to date ending in a fucking traumatic birth I sought counselling and it helped a lot. It actually allowed me to spit out a lot of anger frustration and dissatisfaction that could have ended up being thrown unfairly at DH had I not had a weekly sounding board. It made me feel lighter afterwards.

But you need to know what you’re looking for. IME

Counselling: talking through stuff but counsellor listens and softly challenges negative thoughts to enable you to reframe them yourself.

(Psycho)therapy: examining the past, past experiences, childhood, traumatic events to establish why existing patterns of thought and behaviour occur with a view to (re)setting these to make you feel - um - better?

CBT: behavioural therapy where the “now” is mostly examined with nods to the past but equipping you with exercises to understand how your brain works and giving you tools to practise with so if you end up in an upsetting or triggering situation how to cope. It doesn’t allow you to extrapolate at length about your past or “problems”, rather how you deal with them when they arise.

I have fortnightly counselling and it has quite literally saved my life. I think it definitely depends on getting a counsellor that you click with though, mine can read me like a book!

It changed my life, I only wish I’d done it years earlier. It was very different to what I expected, mostly talking about the things that made being around my family a misery for me, with the counsellor asking questions which made me think harder about what I had previously considered set in stone and unescapable.

The biggest thing I got was that I wasn’t a fuck up, just reacting like a human being to being treated badly, and that contrary to how I’d been trained to believe, boundaries are healthy and necessary.

Now if something is bothering me, knowing the questions he’d ask about how I’m feeling is enough to help me see clearly. But if it wasn’t, I’d go back without hesitation. Life is too short to carry other people’s baggage, go for it OP.

I am interested in this too. Is online counselling as good? Can't really do face to face because of childcare issues.

Yes. It’s life-changing. However I think it’s important that you ‘click’ with your counseller and switch if you don’t. I had a therapist once who was rubbish and I should have asked to be moved.

An awful lot depends on getting the right counsellor or therapist, OP.
Someone you can trust and feel comfortable with, who is well trained in their field, intelligent and perceptive, and who can help you identify right at the start what you are hoping to achieve from the sessions, so you have a definite goal to work towards.
I was immensely fortunate to have nine sessions with a very wise old professor, who helped me enormously when I was off work for 5 weeks with stress and anxiety after my DD’s second attempted hanging. He managed to address everything from my abusive childhood, and prolonged grief over DH’s premature death, to dealing with DD’s life threatening depression. That was ten years ago, and I still use the relaxation therapy techniques and self esteem boosting mantras that he taught me.
It helped for me that he was a Christian, (actually a professor of theology) so we had a similar world view. He was also incredibly empathetic, and his consulting room was arranged as such a warm nurturing place (a sitting room with a fireplace in a period stone building, with antique furniture and a muted colour scheme - it made you feel more relaxed just to sink into the old arm chair!).
I would have struggled to carry on, function, or get back to work without his input. It was definitely life changing.

I had counseling for about 2 years every fortnight during a difficult time in my life a few years back.
It really helped me to get some perspective on personal issues from a complete outsider.
For example, I was always treated by my parents as the scapegoat and felt I was just a shit child who deserved the abuse she had gotten during childhood. My therapist gave me the acknowledgment that I needed so much, that it was not my fault but my parents’ and that I did not deserve any of it.

Now that I am a new mum myself, I am really happy I have done these sessions because they helped me to deal with my demons from the past.
I am 100% sure it helped me to be more confident in my new role as a mum.

I would recommend it to anyone, regardless of which issues. Its what I call : ‘maintanance for the mind and soul’.

I’ve had CBT and I didn’t find it that helpful.

I felt like it was geared towards helping you find out what it making you unhappy and then how to be happy.

But I knew what the problem was for me and how I needed to fix it, I just struggled to get myself to do it (anxiety based problem).

I imagine if you’re feeling a down/lost it would help you explore the root of these feelings so it may be of some help to you.

My doctor has referred me for CBT.
I always bottle things up and never tell anyone about my problems, I've been putting this off for a while.
Im very anxious about opening up to a stranger but hopefully it will help?!

Yes iv had long term councilling for a life limiting illness and it has helped me immensely. Also helped in other areas of my life.
Without sounding naff it really has changed my life. Iv now left my Councillor though after 3 years as I'd felt I came to the end of the road with him. Which iv heard can happen. I wouldn't hesitate in seeing another councellor aga if I needed to.
If you go ahead be aware that you may not click with the first one you see. Don't let it put you off and try another.

This happened with my daughter and the second one she bonded with.
Good luck.

CBT - no, waste of time and I tried multiple times (turbulent, emotionally abusive childhood, Dad suicide + other stuff).

EMDR - yes. Highly recommended it. I paid privately and it's very expensive unfortunately

Ive had therapy which is I guess what you mean by counselling? I found it very helpful. I had lots of issues from my childhood which have caused me anxiety and depression over many years but really reared their head when I had my first baby.

I’ve been having therapy for two years and feel much better. It’s really useful to have someone help point you in the right direction. It can be hard work though and i did feel worse before I felt better.....for me I think this was because I had to dig up a lot of traumatic things that I’d not thought about....might not be the case for everyone.

I had been before and not found it helpful a) because I didn’t get on with the therapist and b) because I was given CBT (which is great for an awful lot of people but not great when what you need is psychotherapy!). I now have a therapist who I really trust and can talk to, and who does mainly psychotherapy with a bit of CBT.

Go with an open mind. If you don’t like it at first consider asking for a different therapist as it can make all the difference.

I've had counselling three times personally, all privately. As previous posters have mentioned, it does depend very much on the counsellor you find and whether they suit your needs. The first one I went to I found very unhelpful - she was very set on me staying with my ex husband and had a religious 'slant' which in retrospect, I don't think was right for me - I think her advice about me having a nice 'lifestyle' which I'd have to give up if I left wasn't very good advice!?
I found another counsellor locally when my marriage had ended and I'd started a relationship with my exP (who was also recently divorced but not handling it well). She was really good - she was someone to turn to when I felt like I couldn't talk to friends or anyone else about what I was going through. She also gave me some good advice about coping with exP who could be a nightmare/a bully which really helped and I didn't feel like she was judging me. She did fixate on my being adopted which I found a little irritating at times because I didn't feel that was my main issue.
I've also had counselling again fairly recently after my relationship with exP finally ended and my dad died unexpectedly. I found her through my employee assistance programme at work which entitled me to six free sessions. She was absolutely brilliant and accepted everything I told her without making me feel as if I was weird. I was at rock-bottom last Xmas/start of this year and full of anxiety. She helped me to understand what I was going through and that it was OK.
Sorry this is such a long post! In summary, I guess, it can really help you if you feel like you can't talk to anyone else. But don't expect them to tell you what to do or that they will miraculously sort out all your problems. That's always down to you, unfortunately.