To ask those of you who’ve had counselling...

[Millymillsx]

..... do you/have you found it helpful?

I’m currently going through a some personal issues at the moment, just feeling unhappy and unfulfilled with life and in particular, in my marriage. Cant work out what I really want from life or what the answers are and feel a bit stuck in a rut. A few friends have suggested counselling but I’ve always been a bit sceptical.

Interested to hear from those who have used this service before and whether it helped you. I’m not referring to couples counselling. Not asking you to share your reasons for seeking help if you don’t want to, but for those who don’t mind sharing it’d be helpful for context. Thank you

I'm in counseling for many reasons, mainly PTSD from my husband suddenly dropping dead 5 years ago.

I find it to be my life crutch at the moment. Couldn't live without it. In that room I can vent, be selfish, cry, rant and let it all go, my counselor listens and it really helps. I leave feeling relief and able to go home and not shout at the kids because of my own problems.

Do go, but don't expect to feel better immediately. Don't go for the 6 week NHS deal. 6 weeks is no where near enough time to deal with everything.

I've had counselling and psychotherapy for PTSD- it has been immensely helpful. It's something that I come back to when things get tricky and there are new things to process.

I would deffo give it ago OP. It is worth finding the right counsellor for you though.

I had counselling about 20 years ago that quite literally saved my life and completely turned things around for me. Even today I still hear that lady’s voice in my head now and again!
On the other hand I recently saw a counsellor who told me ADHD doesn’t exist, we are all just disorganised and my son didn't need melatonin to sleep he just needs to visualise a calm colour. I walked out and never went back.

Good luck, the right counsellor can change your life.

I have had counselling 4 times in my adult life. I have had around 6-12 sessions each time as that was all I could have via the NHS and I find that just isn’t long enough for me, I just get to a point where I feel I am turning a corner and then the sessions come to an end. I can not afford counselling privately but if I had the money I would pay privately long term as I feel I would very much benefit from that. I have had CBT twice, once in my 20’s and then again last year in my 40’s, it hasn’t been of any benefit to me at all even though it seems to be ‘THE’ therapy atm, so it must work for some? I would love to try something like EMDR but again it’s the cost for me as this isn’t usually offered on the NHS, sadly.

Thanks everyone! Really helpful and encouraging

I had EMDR for anxiety and it changed my life. I paid privately, I realised I was worth it, and I'm so glad I did. Some areas do fund it on the NHS though!

CBT was worse than useless and actually made my mental health worse and the practitioner was unkind and uncaring. Waste of time IMO, but I respect it can and does work for people.

Am going to begin counselling again, via a local charity which offers low cost. Might be one around you, depending on what type of counselling you get and how you find it. Good luck OP.

Yes found it helpful. But you need to find the right counseller - I had 3 in total - only felt happy with the third one

Been seeing a therapist for 13 months now. Started seeing her after my daughter's were adopted and found that the NHS couldn't offer me long term therapy. So I pay for it privately out of my PIP.

I agree with PPs comments that it's more about the relationship with the person then the actually therapy. I find mine challenging but, I can talk to her honestly and can be mostly myself.

Ps: prepare to pay £ as resources on the NHS are scarce and of varying quality (even though my CBT woman was ace)

Honestly, I have to break away from PPs here and say no, I've had counselling twice and didn't find it helped whatsoever. I think like someone else said - I know what my problems are, where they come from, and the techniques used to work on them. I found both counsellors weren't able to go beyond that - e.g. I didn't need to know how to label my thoughts as irrational, I already knew, but my problem was that doing it still didn't help. I felt a lot like they were giving stock answers based on training and trying to pigeonhole me into a 'standard' rather than viewing me as an individual. They struggled to be flexible where my answers didn't fit their preconceptions of what I 'should' be saying or feeling. That's my experience, but I'm glad others don't share it!

I had counselling on NHS. I didn't realise it would just be me talking and her listening, saying nothing and taking notes. I even said at one point "Do I just keep talking?" and she nodded . She offered no advice, not even an overview. I would have got more from a self help book. Next session she raised her eyebrows at one thing I said and it was the first indication I had ever had that she was actually still listening. At the end her one comment was:

"No one likes a door mat."

Seriously! I thanked her and didn't bother making another appointment. If I want someone to talk at with no practical solutions offered, I'm lucky enough to have friends for that. I also have friends who will tell me what to do, where I'm going wrong, how to move on. This woman just sat in silence. I didn't get it. This may work wonders for some but absolutely not for me.

I realise I have a very limited and negative experience of counselling but for me, it was as much use as a chocolate teapot. I hope you have more success.

Yes. I have to say the NHS ones didn't cover themselves in glory. It's just rattle off some CBT strategies & be shocked if that's not cured it. (when I'm at rock bottom CBT doesn't cut it, but it's quite useful when I'm coming back up & more able to be logical & concentrate). The private one was amazing. He 'got' the emotional abuse & it's effects so quickly. Seeing him was like a weight lifted. He's been in some published psych journals when I Googled him so I feel very, very lucky.

it also made things temorarily worse for me by bringing up a lot of things I had honestly forgotten, not put together / connected with each other etc.

And I think it would have been way worse if these things had somehow come up when I wasn't in therapy...

So... Yes. Ultimately.

(also, my first wasn't right for me. 2nd one was good. Still make an appointment when I simply need someone to talk things through, refresh certain things etc)

I've had it in three separate instances, in each case prompted by a life change: following the painful end of a long relationship and then later book-ending the start and end of my marriage.

In each case I found it helpful, sometimes more than others but it was always a positive step.

It helped me crystallise things and to see things clearly which I hadn't previously understood. In my case it gave me the confidence to leave an abusive and unsatisfactory marriage and then later to process the impact that had on me and my child.

I think its rarely a bad idea. It's important to find someone you gel with and you may not necessarily like the first person you speak to so you should shop around. It may not change your life.

But I think the action of verbalising and articulating what you are struggling with to a non-biased third party is almost always helpful.

I had counselling via the NHS and couldn’t praise it enough. I’d spent several years in a rut and after seeing my counsellor once each week over a few months it has massively changed my life. This was a few years ago now - I’d recommend it to anyone.

I've had several sets of counselling, by far the best was with a specialist rape and sexual assault counsellor who I saw every week for over two years, helping to deal with csa, rape and then an abusive first marriage, which I'd buttoned up for 30+ years and which finally had me near suicide and with C PTSD and falling apart.

I told that fabulous, wise, empathetic, wonderful woman stuff I'd never said before to anyone, or even articulated aloud. She helped me to realise, for myself, how skewed my thinking had been about so much, due to the historic abuse.

It was such a help, in the later stages we talked about anything and everything that bothered me, how I'd handled difficult stuff in the past week, at work, in my now relationship or with friends (I had to learn it was OK to say no to people, it was OK to assert myself,)

I found it invaluable and I honestly don't think I'd still be here if I hadn't seen her.

My life was transformed by seeking that help.

I had counselling when I was 16 to deal with a specific set of medical phobias. Originally, I saw an 'adult's counsellor' but after a few sessions I was moved to a 'children's counsellor' due to my age. I found the first few sessions really valuable and helpful in my journey, the second counsellor didn't help as much so I can echo what others have said about the counsellor making all the difference. I never fully overcame my phobias but I am able to manage them better and be a bit more sensible when it comes to making medical decisions without having a panic attack/passing out.

My sceptic husband went for counselling last year when he admitted he was having some MH issues (depression following his parent's very messy divorce) and I was worried that his scepticism would hinder the process, we never spoke about the sessions but I could see the difference quite quickly. He was more like himself and less withdrawn.
He saw a counsellor for about 6 months but he still uses techniques that the counsellor taught him to help when he feels overwhelmed.

The first time I had couselling was a complete game changer. The counsellor's methods totally suited me and the main thing I learnt from it (at the time it was dealing with childhood abuse, I was in my mid twenties) was that I could say things out loud and the world did not implode. Until this point I just really believed that my experiences and thoughts could not see the light of day. I work in a field now in which several people I work with could maybe benefit from counselling. I sell it as a safe hour to talk about things without judgement and hopefully helping to 'repackage' issues in your brain so that they are no longer all consuming and the way forward is clearer.
I had counselling on two further occasions, most recently when DH died suddenly. It was okay, but really just talking through stuff out loud. I suspect both the timing and councellor were wrong.
For some people counselling will never be the right thing. It really requires you to 'dig deep' and confront very difficult and hurtful experiences. Often at the beginning you feel worse before you feel better. Lots of people find a way to work around these issues and going back is not an option due to the trauma they experienced. Other approaches, such as CBT, can be helpful in these circumstances.

Lost my dad as a teenager and eventually got some bereavement counselling. Best thing I could have done at the time.

I found it helpful. I think the therapist is key though, find someone you can connect with and who has had good quality training. They should be under supervision/counseling themselves. With mine I found the 'unconditional positive regard' they should hold you with was instrumental for getting long held 'stuff' off my chest, that I had never talked about with anyone else. It was helpful for about a year and then ee reached a point where, looking back, I think I needed to go deeper but I don't think she was skilled/ready to do that and the sessions just came to a close naturally. I will have further therapy in the future but I don't need it right now so not urgent. I am very much self led though in terms of reading and do read as much as I can around trauma, self-esteem, parent issues etc and understanding that does help me. I'd also consider coaching for non issue work but the credentials of the coach would be critical.

I never believed that therapy would or could work for me. I honestly believed that I would not live beyond 26. (28 now). I met my therapist three months after I decided I would kill myself.

I saw him twice a week for the first two years.Then recently dropped down to one session a week. He had a sliding scale and charged me £40 per session instead of his usual £63 London fee.

I've got a history of clinical depression, BPD,sexual abuse and trauma.

I didn't even know what I was feeling. My mood swings were rapid. I was a people pleaser. I couldn't put myself first, I was self harming frequently, in a relationship I wasn't happy with. I was going to things and events I didn't want to do because I didn't feel like I could say no.

I'm not cured but just so grateful I'm not where I was 3 years ago.