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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU

42 replies

Nightshiftnurse11 · 18/10/2019 11:57

I work 12hr nightshifts as a nurse.
I have to work these in a split pattern due to having young children:
My husband works away from home for long periods then returns for several weeks off at home.
I am up first every morning with the kids while he usually gets up an hour or so later even on the days am working.
Once I get home I have usually racked up anything between 24 and 26hrs awake to come home and find my husband still in bed for another hour or so.
There is no other bed or room I can use to sleep in and the house is freezing.
Do I have the right to be extremely pissed off that he doesn’t care enough to get up and allow me to get to bed or set the heating so that the house is warm too as I always feel freezing because am so exhausted.
He doesn’t even care when he gets up all he does is yawn and say he’s tired

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 18/10/2019 12:17

Who is looking after the kids while he's in bed and you're at work?

BarbedBloom · 18/10/2019 12:20

I am probably being really stupid here, but why can't you get into bed with him? Why does he have to get up for you to get into bed? I am assuming it isn't because of caring for the children as you mentioned no other beds for you to sleep in, implying if there were you would be going to bed anyway

Oysterbabe · 18/10/2019 12:21

As above really, where are the kids and why can't you get in too?

Nicknacky · 18/10/2019 12:23

I’m assuming the kids are up? What age are they?

I work nightshift and I feel the cold more but I stick on my dressing gown and get a hot water bottle as it wouldn’t occur to me to heat up the house just for me.

cocomelon23 · 18/10/2019 12:26

Can you not get in with him?

RhiWrites · 18/10/2019 12:31

I haven’t voted yet because I don’t understand why you can’t share a bed or set your own central heating on a timer.

PablosHoney · 18/10/2019 12:33

What...

Slappadabass · 18/10/2019 12:34

How old are the kids? If they are young and he's leaving them unattended then he's BU, if there older then I don't see the problem but you should definitely get the fair share of lie ins when both home.
Can't you just get in bed with him when he is asleep?

Original poster
Nightshiftnurse11 · 18/10/2019 12:55

He is a snorer and always takes our 2yr old in with him because he sleeps longer that way.
I tried way back to hop in beside him but his snoring is torture and now there is no room for me with the little one in there too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nightshiftnurse11 · 18/10/2019 12:57

I have lost count the amount of times I put the timer on the heating and he switches it off so that it doesn’t come on for me in the morning.
Also he is a really bad snorer so yes I have tried jumping in beside him but his snoring is so loud I can hear it even from down the stairs

OP posts:
Cos1ma · 18/10/2019 12:57

So where would you normally sleep OP?

Nicknacky · 18/10/2019 12:59

You don’t need the heating on for one person for such a short amount of time. Just put warm bed clothes on.

There is no answer to this if he is a snorer, nightshift is a red herrring.

letsjog · 18/10/2019 12:59

Why do you not tell him to leave the heating on if he switches it off?

Original poster
Nightshiftnurse11 · 18/10/2019 13:02

It’s been like 3 degrees or less recently here and I think having the house heated for the kids getting up is also important because when they get up once am home they are complaining they are freezing

OP posts:
GoodLuckWeNeedIt · 18/10/2019 13:03

Yes but where is your normal bed?

Nicknacky · 18/10/2019 13:03

If the kids are still sleeping when you get in, then stick the heating on for them getting up.

And I say that as a Scot!

ThatMuppetShow · 18/10/2019 13:06

the amount of times I put the timer on the heating and he switches it off so that it doesn’t come on for me in the morning.

that's just rude and unacceptable. It's your home too!

You don’t need the heating on for one person for such a short amount of time. fuck that, yes you do. I like to walk into a warm bathroom in the morning, and come home to a warm house in the evening. It's disgraceful to prevent another person to feel warm in her own home.

OP, can you change the bed in your toddler's bedroom? I would go for a single, with a bed guard, or rail or something for safety. You could then use it when your own bed is taken. A toddler should be old enough for a single, it just takes a bit of space in their room but you need your sleep

Nicknacky · 18/10/2019 13:08

ThatMuppet I don’t like waking up in a warm house, it makes me feel ill. It’s easier for the one person that feels cold to put another layer on rather than heat up a whole house unnecessarily.

Someone can make them self warm, the rest of them can’t make them self cooler if they find it warm.

Original poster
Nightshiftnurse11 · 18/10/2019 13:08

I do ask him if he wld leave the heating to come on at 7am so that am coming into a warm house but he says he can’t remember switching it off that’s always his answer.

OP posts:
ThatMuppetShow · 18/10/2019 13:11

I don’t like waking up in a warm house, it makes me feel ill.

you can still compromise, have a cold bedroom and leave a couple of warm rooms in the house. It takes more than " a few layers" to warm up someone seriously tired.

I don't agree at all that's it's unnecessary to heat the house, why do you think central heating was invented in the first place!

Vilanelle · 18/10/2019 13:12

Sounds like you prefer it when he works away

Nicknacky · 18/10/2019 13:13

ThatMuppet Its October. It’s not that cold.

Apolloanddaphne · 18/10/2019 13:14

Invest in a Hive or Nest heating system if you can afford it and put on your heating remotely as you leave work. Also leave a blanket or duvet downstairs so you can snuggle on the sofa until the others get up.

antisupermum · 18/10/2019 13:19

I can't understand why this is such an issue - set the timer and tell him that if he touches it, he dies (light-hearted, but the point is valid)

Invest in some ear plugs for when you climb into your bed - with your husband - at the end of your shift. Or wake him up as its morning time and he needs to sort the kids. You're going to bed, not your problem.

Plus, he is only home 3 weeks at a time, should you not be enjoying each others company in these rare moments as opposed to an ongoing feud about who deserves the bed more?!

Nicknacky · 18/10/2019 13:21

anti I agree with you post but I wouldn’t wake him if the kids aren’t up. He doesn’t need to get up just because the op is home.