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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU

42 replies

Nightshiftnurse11 · 18/10/2019 11:57

I work 12hr nightshifts as a nurse.
I have to work these in a split pattern due to having young children:
My husband works away from home for long periods then returns for several weeks off at home.
I am up first every morning with the kids while he usually gets up an hour or so later even on the days am working.
Once I get home I have usually racked up anything between 24 and 26hrs awake to come home and find my husband still in bed for another hour or so.
There is no other bed or room I can use to sleep in and the house is freezing.
Do I have the right to be extremely pissed off that he doesn’t care enough to get up and allow me to get to bed or set the heating so that the house is warm too as I always feel freezing because am so exhausted.
He doesn’t even care when he gets up all he does is yawn and say he’s tired

OP posts:
Original poster
Nightshiftnurse11 · 18/10/2019 13:21

Yes that’s what I do as soon as I get in.
I work in a children’s hospital so the heat in there is astonishing and u are non stop so going from that to a house that’s not been heated since previous morning is a complete shock to my body and am physically shaking I don’t even remove my jacket.
That coupled with no sleep for 25hrs is taking its toll

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 18/10/2019 13:28

Another vote for Hive.

Check the temperature, increase or decrease the temperature etc from your phone. Game changer.

Original poster
Nightshiftnurse11 · 18/10/2019 13:30

Thank you for your reply.
It’s really appreciated

OP posts:
Hidingtonothing · 18/10/2019 13:40

I hesitate to ask this OP because I think I can guess the answer but is he caring or considerate in other ways? It seems very callous not to make some small accommodations for you when you've just worked such a long and draining shift, I know my DH would do it for me Sad

ThatMuppetShow · 18/10/2019 13:57

Its October. It’s not that cold.

IN YOUR HOME.

Nicknacky · 18/10/2019 14:02

ThatMuppet Why are you shouting? It’s clear that the op feels the cold beyond that of an ordinary person.

And it’s a fact it’s October which is autumn and not in the depths of winter.

ThatMuppetShow · 18/10/2019 14:07

didn't mean to shout, but if I use bold it gets confusing Grin

so what it's october where you live and not that cold? The entire world has to follow the temperature you feel is acceptable?

I put the heating on in August if I feel it's a bit chilly, so what? Heating should be used based on how you feel, not based on calendar months.

It's not super cold where I am, but it's very damp. Heating comes up twice a day, keeps the house nice, dry and warm. 🤷

Original poster
Nightshiftnurse11 · 18/10/2019 15:15

I do feel the cold pretty severe after a shift and I also have a spine condition I was born with that worsens when am cold.
I have been hospitalised last 2 yrs when the temp drops because of complications with my spine that I don’t have in the warmer months.

OP posts:
Slappadabass · 19/10/2019 08:43

Heating wise he's been BU, can you set the thermostat to come on and off at a certain time? Sleepwise he isnt BU, I wouldn't be getting out of bed in the morning if my toddler was still asleep and I didn't have to, if he snores leave him in with the toddler and find somewhere else to sleep, the sofa or toddlers room? Then work on his snoring, see if there's something he can use to prevent the snoring.

BloggersBlog · 19/10/2019 08:52

If you get in at 7 then after a shower etc snuggle in tonged at 7.30/8 then surely he will be getting up then to deal with the kids? So why does his snoring bother you?

Just get into bed and rest even if you don't sleep for a while. Then he has no choice but to get up. A toddler will wake him up when you move them if they over your side or doesn't take much room anyway.

BloggersBlog · 19/10/2019 08:52

To bed not tonged!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 19/10/2019 08:55

Why are you awake so long between sleeps?

KatherineJaneway · 19/10/2019 09:00

And it’s a fact it’s October which is autumn and not in the depths of winter.

OP hasn't said she is in the UK.

littlepaddypaws · 19/10/2019 09:03

berna i was wondering that too

RhiWrites · 19/10/2019 09:06

Okay, with the extra info I vote YANBU and your husband is a cock, he hogs the bed and deliberately turns off the heating when you set the timer. He’s a jerk. Why are you with him?

SandraOhshair · 19/10/2019 09:11

OP said it was 3 degrees so imagine shes not in the UK. And at 3 degrees I think its perfectly acceptable to want the heating on!
OP can you sleep in 2 year olds bed? If it's a toddler one can you buy a single so you jump in there when you come home?.

RibenaMonsoon · 19/10/2019 09:35

I know it's been said but Hive is amazing.
I set the house to a certain temperature. If it drops below 17c the heating automatically comes on which is perfect for me as I have a 3 month old DD and want to make sure shes warm enough overnight. Your DH won't need to touch the heating ever and neither will you.
You can control it from an app on your phone so just as you are leaving work you can see what temp the house is and turn the heating on through your app.

Tip though, wait till black Friday. Amazon always do great offers on it on black Friday.

YANBU. That's pretty thoughtless of your DH.

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