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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this strange?

78 replies

WhatTheFluck · 17/10/2019 22:52

Female friend helped me with my child last night as had to work late.
I insisted on getting her an uber and she declined. I made her promise that she had a lift home as she said she did but I did not believe her. A neighbour told me today that he saw her catching a bus instead so turned out she lied to me. Anyone else find this a bit weird?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 18/10/2019 06:06

She’s a grown up and you wanted to infantilise her. She lied as it was easier.

msmith501 · 18/10/2019 06:18

The only person in the wrong here is you OP for posting this. Your life really isn't meant to be a public spectacle where every small event is aired, especially where you appear to be having a dig at someone who has done you a favour. It's obvious that she was being economical with the truth simply because it's none of your business and you were being controlling. It is also possible that she had other plans after that she didn't want to discus with you. Personally I'd LTB or cancel the cheque. Or keep my nose out...

AJPTaylor · 18/10/2019 06:19

She "lied" because you made it clear that you were going to impose her solution on her if she didn't

Tink1990 · 18/10/2019 06:30

This whole thing is strange. Not your friend Confused

Monty27 · 18/10/2019 06:31

Depends what the question was OP.
Can I get you an Uber home? No thanks I'm fine. Bye

Smelborp · 18/10/2019 06:31

I’d feel safer on a bus than in an Uber.

Maybe she just felt it was easier than having to explain herself to you? She did you a favour and now you’re analysing her behaviour and wondering why she lied. Why are you monitoring what she does so much?

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 18/10/2019 06:39

I made her promise that she had a lift home as she said she did but I did not believe her. A neighbour told me today that he saw her catching a bus instead so turned out she lied to me. Anyone else find this a bit weird?

Absolutely, this is weird!! Thank God for your neighbour, eh! If I were you, I definitely wouldn't ever ask her to do you a favour by looking after your child again. How dare she promise you she had a way of getting home. An adult woman (I assume she's an adult?) using public transport... What was she thinking?

I definitely would cut her loose, OP. She has proven herself to be untrustworthy. Could you ever really be comfortable leaving your child with such a person?

You sound like a lovely, reasonable person. I'd love, as an adult, if I had a friend like you. Turning into my mother, making me promise I had a lift and would get home safely. I'd question how I manage to live day to day without you watching out for me.

What an ungrateful so-and-so....

Hmm
IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 18/10/2019 06:45

I have a friend like this who insists I need a taxi to get home safely. I don’t. I’m 31 years old and v capable of making a decision like this.

I want to plug my headphones in and decompress on the bus home, a taxi means I inevitably have to talk to someone and gets me home quicker when sometimes I just want some extended quiet time.

I would also lie and say I have a lift home just to get you off my back, you can’t bloody dictate how someone travels

Nannewnannew · 18/10/2019 07:00

Maybe she didn’t want to have to engage in conversation with the taxi driver? She’s a grown woman and has her own mind, just let it drop.

GreySheep · 18/10/2019 07:13

@WhatTheFluck she lied because you were pressuring her to do something she didn’t want to do.

Sallyseagull · 18/10/2019 07:18

She lied about having a lift so she could go home however she wanted AFTER DOING YOU A FAVOUR.

My guess would be that she didnt want to get in a taxi on her own, I know plenty of people who dont or who use firms where they know they can request a female driver.

DeathStare · 18/10/2019 07:26

There are a million reasons why she might not want a taxi/uber. And there are a million reasons she might not want to share these with you. When you say you *made her promise" it was clear that you were being pushy and I suspect she didn't want to get into a long debate with you and to have to explain/defend her reasons for not wanting a taxi/uber. It's hardly a big deal is it?

StillCoughingandLaughing · 18/10/2019 08:55

Also, why did your neighbour feel this was something she needed to report to you?

AgentProvocateur · 18/10/2019 09:03

I hate people insisting on other adults getting a taxi when there’s a perfectly adequate public transport system. We’re not all scared of walking home from the bus stop on our own in the dark, you know.

bluegreygreen · 18/10/2019 10:20

So your adult friend decided to get the bus home.

I would probably have done the same. I wouldn't have lied to you, but if you'd kept insisting on a taxi/lift I would have pointed out that I am an adult and perfectly capable of getting myself home.

If you don't think your friend is, should she be looking after your child?

easyandy101 · 18/10/2019 10:25

She sees you as a worrier and said something to set your mind at rest, it's a lie but a fair one

Allfednonedead · 18/10/2019 10:39

I dumped a guy I was dating once because he insisted I take a taxi home after clubbing. Why do you think it’s your right to limit her transport options?

Ponoka7 · 18/10/2019 11:21

So she's competent enough to be left with your child, but not to choose how she gets home?

I always choose buses.

"I insisted on getting her an uber"

You don't get to insist towards other adults.

You've made it that she's had to lie to you.

Aprillygirl · 18/10/2019 11:32

You sound a bit overbearing OP. Your friend probably told you she had a lift for a quiet life. Maybe she doesn’t like getting into cars with strangers, maybe she’s trying to do her bit for the environment or maybe she just likes riding the bus. Does it really matter? She’s a grown woman not your 12yr old daughter, so you don’t get to dictate to her how she travels at night.

Zeldasmagicwand · 18/10/2019 12:19

If she's doing you a favour, the correct response is 'thank you, I'll try to reciprocate when you need a favour my friend', not to check up on her and call her a liar.

AryaStarkWolf · 18/10/2019 12:21

Why did she lie?

because she wanted to get the bus and you made her promise she had a lift? She's a big girl, she can make her own choices.........

Sagradafamiliar · 18/10/2019 14:47

The bus driver gave her a lift.

Velveteenfruitbowl · 18/10/2019 14:49

Maybe she didn’t want to be forced into an Uber? It’s not exactly safe to get into a car alone with a complete stranger who probably hasn’t been vetted properly.

bunhead34 · 18/10/2019 14:57

Sounds like she didn't want you to pay for an Uber for her (maybe didn't want you spending the money/maybe not comfortable in cabs on her own) so she told a white lie to get you to let it go.

No big deal.

You would BU if you give her a hard time about it!

pigsDOfly · 18/10/2019 15:06

She's a grown woman, it was 10o'clock at night.

Why were you 'insisting' that she get a cab or tell you how she's getting home?

Do you always think you have the right to control your friends' movements?

I imagine she told you a lie so she could get out of your house and get home without being told how to live her life. She's not a child.