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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left my husband

38 replies

chellochello · 17/10/2019 00:49

So I found out almost a year to the day that my husband was having an affair - he worked away Monday to Friday and had a relationship with a girl in the office where he as working .

We had 2 kids and I was pregnant with our third when the affair began

I found out about the affair through messages on his phone almost exactly 1 year ago today - he was kicked out our marriage was over no hope for a reconciliation - however after lots of grovelling and promises I agreed to give things another chance but I have since found out that although he has never seen the OW again they have remained in contact via text and social media.

Once again he is out of the house our marriage is in my opinion totally over but he says that he has not seen her in over a year and has only momimum contact in social media with OW but to me if he wanted to save our marriage he should never have looked at, spoken to or thought about this woman

AIBU???

OP posts:
Jollitwiglet · 17/10/2019 00:50

YANBU

He should have cut all ties with her immediately if he wanted to save your marriage

OldAndWornOut · 17/10/2019 00:54

No, you're not being unreasonable.
I'm not sure what the hell he would want even minimum contact, considering the fallout of the affair.

Bigregrets19 · 17/10/2019 00:58

Yanbu.
Good riddance to him you deserve better

redastherose · 17/10/2019 01:19

Nope definitely NBU you gave him a chance and he blew it. All he had to do was not contact one person and he couldn't even do that for you. Definitely move on and don't look back.

Oodlesandpoodles · 17/10/2019 01:25

Run for the wind and get a very good solicitor!

Gather every bit of evidence you can, check the bank accounts are on hold so he can’t clear them out.

Hederex · 17/10/2019 05:37

Good for you! Not unreasonable in the slightest.

avocadoincident · 17/10/2019 05:55

That's awful op and very disrespectful of him. It would be over for me.

Lowlandlucky · 17/10/2019 06:12

"You have done the right thing, be gentle with yourself and allow yourself time to grieve", That was the best advice i was given after i threw my ex out after he had yet another affair, i allowed myself to grieve and it was the best thing i have ever done for myself

Shoxfordian · 17/10/2019 06:19

I wouldn't have even given him a second chance
Call a solicitor, start the process to divorce him

AlwaysCheddar · 17/10/2019 06:29

Yanbu.... he had his chance and he has ruined it. His fault entirely.

thepeopleversuswork · 17/10/2019 06:32

YANBU and he knows perfectly well that he blew his second chance. If you accept his second batch of blather you will basically be saying to him 'here are my boundaries, please walk all over them'.

You've done a very brave thing to protect your family. I'm guessing it must feel awful now but you will be better off in the long run.

Orangecake123 · 17/10/2019 06:37

Of course you are not being unreasonable.
You gave him a chance and he's effed up again.
You deserve so much better.

sarahjconnor · 17/10/2019 06:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AJPTaylor · 17/10/2019 06:56

Yanbu.
Does he still work away? Not sure how you could trust him again if he has had the full blown affair.

user1493413286 · 17/10/2019 06:58

Yanbu; you gave him a chance and I wouldn’t expect any contact whatsoever with the ow.

HungryForSnacks · 17/10/2019 07:02

Sounds like his only regret is being caught, not what he did to you and your family.

YANBU

Teacher22 · 17/10/2019 07:10

YANBU, you gave him a second chance and he blew it. He cannot be trusted.

GinNotGym19 · 17/10/2019 07:27

No you’re not unreasonable. He’s showing no remorse and no consideration for you.
Don’t let him convince you to try again cos nothing happened, the fact he thinks this is ok says everything you need to know

Caramelblonde70 · 17/10/2019 07:28

He's pissed off that you caught him out. Do you really want a life like this, checking his messages etc? You'll make yourself ill. Dont let him back, it will happen again I'm certain.

potter5 · 17/10/2019 07:48

Even if he were to delete OW from social media, you would never trust him again.

Hooferdoofer37 · 17/10/2019 08:07

He's keeping his options open isn't he?

Stating in touch with her, just in case.

Bag his stuff up, drop it at her door and say she's welcome to him; you can do better.

JustaScratcj · 17/10/2019 08:51

You say 'found out', which suggests he hasn't been totally open and honest with you. That's the cruncher right there. You've made the right decision.

PlasticPatty · 17/10/2019 08:52

You are right to see the back of him.

NoSauce · 17/10/2019 09:28

I would be wondering whether he had actually stopped seeing her tbh. Why carry on being in contact with her?

Good luck OP.

Original poster
chellochello · 17/10/2019 16:23

Thanks everyone - turns out that yes he has been seeing her all along

He is out of the house now and will not be coming back.

OP posts:
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