To want to know what its like if you have parents who loved you very much and raised you?

[WildflowerFan]

I had an unconventional childhood, didn't grow up with birth parents. Very loved by the person who was my Mum in every way apart from biology.

However. Sometimes I get a mad wistful hunger to know what it must be like, to be born to two people who want to parent you, and who think you're the best thing since sliced bread

What's it like? If you are close to your parents, what are the things you treasure most about your childhood and your relationship with them?

My lovely mum lost her speech long before she died. I went to see her in the care home as I could no longer care for her and she said to me
Beautiful

Just that one word. That’s what I was to her...beautiful. No matter what anyone else thought of me including the husband that rejected me for the otherwoman..to her I was always beautiful

I hate the beginning of November 1,2and 3..mum, dad and godmother aunties anniversaries of their deaths. Different years but boom! Boom! Boom! One after the other

I wouldn't have the slightest idea. I couldn't believe it when I got older and saw family interactions between friends and boyfriends and their families. Complete revelation.

I still know at 38 that my parents would do anything for me ( not in a spoilt materialistic way) . I and my brother grew up feeling safe, secure and loved. My mother treats my children in the same way and I see the love and adoration they have for her. They both deserve happiness and contentment.
My heart breaks when I read stories on here. I cant imagine what it is like not to have that anchor in life.

I never had a dad. He didn’t want Me. BUT, my mum raised a bad ass. She loved me. She was young. Now being in my twenties I can see how hard she must have had it, and I’ve went relatively unscathed.

Other than due to an absent father I have a dislike for men. I was brought up in an overly feminist household. I’m a bit of a mans nightmare. My DP is lovely though. He puts up with some shit from me.

So I kind of know how you feel OP, in the sense when I see a little girl with her daddy, sometimes I nearly cry. And no matter how much therapy I have, I will never, ever Experience that dad daughter love and it sometimes hurts.

I'd love to know this too.

It’s knowing that no matter what you do, where you are, that someone has your back

Nope but this is what I always longed for.

I spent my childhood years day dreaming about The Magic Wishing Chair and wishing it was real so I could wish I could be whisked away to be adopted into a nice close, loving family.

My parents were ice cold, emotionally unavailable and stressed. Father was/is a very controlling man. Mother had 4 kids, had her favourites and was nice to outsiders while showing a clear dislike of me. She still does this, I have recently gone NC after years of suffering allowing them to hurt me.

It's so damaging to self esteem, confidence and character to be brought up by people like that. All the sweeping loving mother memes on fb are deeply upsetting for some of us.

Those who were adopted into a loving home, be thankful in some way for this. Blood relations are meaningless to me.

I find it hard to think about my childhood sometimes because yes it was very happy and I was loved but unfortunately my mum died in my 20s and I still miss her.

One thing that I got from it was I was always really surprised if a guy I was seeing was horrible to me and basically would run for the hills. My childhood meant that I expected to be loved and treated well.

I felt love as a child. I felt safe and enjoyed being at home. We were not wealthy at all but never went to bed hungry or wore tatty clothes.

Like Soholo my father was absent. Never experienced being loved, hugged by a man as a child. Tolerated a lot of shit from boys/men as I did not know my worth, how I should have been treated. I craved relationships but often accepted FWB terms believing I did not deserve any better. I slept with men I did not fancy. I had little feeling at all - was rather cold and aloof. The fact that my father abandoned me will always affect me. No matter how successful I become, how groomed I look, how well my dh and friends treat me, there is an awful scar and a deep level of shame.

This makes me extremely sad, and I realise how unloving my household was.

Don't get me wrong it wasn't abusive or violent, and I had a good childhood. But once I started hitting pre-teen age and beyond something must have just happened because I was basically left to it. No support, allowed out at all hours, no interest in my life etc.

I'm sure it has contributed massively to my anxiety and depression which started as a teenager, and clinging onto any boyfriend and trying to have their parents as mine. One of my sisters is the same as me, and the youngest one is the golden child and got treated entirely differently.

I have 2 children of my own now and I'm going to try so so hard to be a great parent to them. I don't ever want them to feel the loneliness I have felt.

My childhood was abusive - I'm loving reading the positive stories, really heartwarming. :) Great thread.

I never felt special or important or even loved by my parents. It was only as I got older that I realised how kind and nurturing other parents were. It's my normal.

I don't know, OP. My dd doesn't know. But she and her dh are doing their best to give dgd that experience.

I am loved dearly by my DM. I can honestly say wholeheartedly to the point she often told us if it wasn't for us she'd kill herself.
She lived for us, only she didn't in reality, we missed out on lots of things, felt poor, a choatic messy home, rarely clean clothes unless you found something creased in the basket, no matching socks.
We couldn't confind in DM as teens with issues, she is very childlike and would make it about herself if she'd married a less dominant kinder man, she probably would have been different.
I must add I found lots of deep love from friends and some families too, it feels the same OP love is love, bloodline love isn't much different.

It was only as I got older that I realised how kind and nurturing other parents were. It's my normal
I get this completely.

I felt/feel loved by my parents unconditionally but that was about their parenting not biology.

It was lovely.
I was blessed.
My Mum still says how lucky she was to have us.

I always wonder how different my life would be today if I'd had a good childhood. Actually, not even good just basic.

I have a brother who has just turned 18 and already you can really see the difference between our upbringings.

One thing that I got from it was I was always really surprised if a guy I was seeing was horrible to me and basically would run for the hills. My childhood meant that I expected to be loved and treated well.

This is eye opening. I let men (well boys at the time, in my teens), friends, employers just shit all over me. I have never been able to say nope I expect better. And actually, I hate myself sometimes for letting certain things happen.

Never thought about my expectations being set in childhood.

I couldn't have said it any better than HappySpud.
I had the very same upbringing.
Sadly both of my parents are no longer with us.

I wish I knew. My family were, and still are, as dysfunctional as they get. There was no love in the house. Just fear, anger and abuse.

I am a birth parent who loves her children with all of her being and I recognised enough that they needed someone better then who I am. I hope and know that they will be loved with their parents and that's all I could ask for.

I was raised by loving extended family. My mother had more of an auntie role in my life, she was involved but more on the periphery. Didn't meet father until adulthood.

It is the quality of relationships that matter the most, although I do think blood has a connection that is difficult to ignore. I look at my children and marvel that they are a piece of me, seperate individuals, but a piece of me nonetheless.

My relationship with my mother is awkward and hit a low point in my 20s. To her, I am her child, even though she didn't raise me, and I was an independent adult who didn't need mothering, and that caused conflict. We've both mellowed a bit since then and tensions are easing gradually over time. I hold no resentment about her role in my childhood as I think I was raised in the most stable position avaliable.

My childhood was secure and loving. My position in the family is a little disjointed due to some weird generation gaps through the family, but it was a happy childhood and I have a happy adulthood and I've come out of it better than many people raised by their biological parents.

This thread is heartwarming and really hopeful. I completely agree that our childhood, not our biology necessarily, shape our lives. I also agree that we can fundamentally change the course of this if we look into our childhood messages and why we think and feel the way we do. It's bloody hard and painful though, to an extent that I didn't appreciate until I really started to look. But we all deserve to feel love and connection. And that has to start with ourself.

@darkriver19886 I can't imagine what you have been through. I hope you have support for yourself.

What an astonishing thread. The boundless love is very apparent :) I'm so sorry for those who have had the sheer depth of parental love, adulation, acceptance and unconditionality removed from their lives.

I had an amazing childhood: Mum, Dad me and my (younger by just 16 months) sister.

Mum and Dad got it right; they really did. They were strict (by today's standards), but it was just so spot on. My sis and me came first when we needed to and second at other times. And yes: I had to eat my vegetables before I got any pudding.

Neither think I'm the best thing since sliced bread: I'm not

The only downside of a lovely childhood like mine is that adulthood just doesn't quite cut it. I have an amazing life now but .... childhood is definitely where it was at

I'm 52 and Mum and Dad are still going strong. I am seriously lucky

This is such a fantastic thread and I write this with tears rolling down my face. I have adopted a little girl and she comes home in 2 weeks. Throughout the whole assessment process for adoption me and my DH had to go into our childhoods and how it affected us. I was raised by my dad and stepmam. 2 brothers, 1 sister and 2 halfsisters and 2 halfbrothers. 7 siblings and the half meant nothing. My stepmam (I have never ever called her this I'm only going it for the benefit of this post) raised me with my Dad and I had the most wonderful upbringing. I was loved, wanted, cherished and allowed to be me. I always knew my I had a different mother but never wanted to meet her, never needed to. My hubby was raised by both biological parents and looks back at his upbringing with sadness. I knew he didn't always like talking about it but seeing him cry discussing it through the thorough adoption assessment process I was shocked. He doesnt have the relationship with his mam that I have with mine. His relationship is an emotional one in the sense she's made out she's vulnerable. Mine is a relationship on love and security. All my siblings are very close and family dynamics are the same as when we were young. Very strong bonds.

Reading all these posts have made my emotional because I feel I've had a tunnel vision look on families thinking every family was like mine. Loved and made to feel loved. How I would raise my girl.

I guess my point is I am so lucky to have had a mother who even though was my not biological mother raised me with my dad the best they could. I would always be grateful for this.

I hope I will be able to raise my little girl the same way and hope she would speak out me and my DH the way some of you have spoken about your non biological parents. It's put a fire in my belly and additional beat in my heart. Dna does not make a family. Thank you to the OP for this thread. My day has been made ❤️❤️

The older I get the more I appreciate just how lucky I was to have loving, stable parents. I think back to my DM collecting me from the stables where I spent Saturdays when I was 10-13 and listening with fascination to my descriptions of rides I'd had or ponies I adored. I'd rabbit on and on and it never occurred to me that she'd be bored. Because she wasn't.

Both my parents have always been engaged with anything my brothers and I were doing. My dad did so much more with us than other dads of his generation. They're both 90 now.

I've always known they have my back. I've had a difficult adult life at times. I was widowed when my DC were at primary school. I looked after DH at home for a year before his death. Subsequently both of my DC had major health problems including lots of hospital admissions and ambulances. My parents have always helped in any way they possibly could.

It gives you an inner certainty that you're loveable and growing up with parents who obviously adored each other gave me a guide when choosing a life partner of my own. DH was very different to my DF in many ways but both were very funny, gentle and utterly faithful. They both adored me too.

They extended their love to my DSD. They first got to know and love her when she was 8. Later they gave her an allowance to help a bit with university (her DM wanted her to leave school at 16) and she idolises them. She and her DH say their ambition is to be holding hands on the beach at 80 like my parents.