To Think that 26 detentions in the space of 6 weeks at school [Edited by MNHQ at OP's request]

[Mortifiedmummy12]

I find it awful however DCs dad doesn’t think so (we are separated). Made this to prove how bad it actually is. Anyone else’s children (secondary school age ) managed to get this or is it ABNORMAL ( it definitely is) but apparently it’s normal. How many detentions have your kids have in the space of 6 weeks. Only been in 6 weeks as Dc was ill for the first week and a bit. Please help me prove to my ex that our DC is out of order.

That's a shocking amount of sententious. Is he acting out due to the separation? I imagine it hasn't been amicable judging by your posts...

My parents divorced during my last year in school and I went from model student to completely off the rails that year. It's only in hindsight that I saw the cause.

I think you're wasting your time trying to force your ex to see sense. He's clearly an idiot if he doesn't think there's an issue and you can't reason with stupid. If I were you I'd try to tackle it as best you can on your own OP, because the deadbeat dad is going to add to your stress levels and will be of no use to your son.

Also Mockingbirddog your DCs school sounds horrendous! More akin to a prison camp than a happy learning environment

StanleySteamer
Her child's father should have it out to him like that because maybe he'll stop minimising it.

It's one thing to have a child with additional needs or trauma or wider situations displaying challenging behaviour and all the adults are on the same page to have a resolution.
It's quite another where mum is concerned (but still saying it's messing around) and dad thinks there's no problem, meanwhile a child is not only ruining his own opportunities but preventing others from achieving, fully supported by his dad who seemingly thinks his kid should be allowed to hinder everyone else's learning.

Most end of y8 start of y9 behaviour is puberty, teen attitude and boundary pushing in my experience.

Normally, I'd also say there's a chance of additional needs but given how his dad seems to not be arsed by the behaviour by gut instinct here is he knows he can mess around in school, doesn't care about the detentions and knows that one parent will unintentionally minimise and the other won't care.

Why do you need your ex to be there for a meeting?

Get a proper list of the behaviour

Is it one teacher? One lesson? Break times?
Certain friends?

You need to find out facts before you can move forward

How much time does he spend at his dad’s? Is his dad’s attitude influencing him (am guessing it will be)?

26 in 6 weeks?! What planet is dad on if he thinks that's normal or acceptable? It's not ok dad - you're not helping your DS by not giving him boundaries, proper discipline or undermining mums and teachers attempts to. If you want to raise a respectful, educated (ie allowed to stay in school!) child then you really need to take this seriously and be together on parenting strategy and supporting the teachers to get to the bottom of this before it escalates further.

Hope you make some progress on getting dad and DS to take this seriously.

I have to say, some academies really do over-penalise kids with detention, and if he went to one of these schools, I could see that this could be possible. Detentions for smiling, forgetting equipment,wrong colour hair tie, homework etc etc etc. Slow change detentions are common - you have three mins. Not unusual for half class to get a detention, esp in the first half term or so.

It really depends what specifically the detentions are for - I.e. what sort of messing around?

Quite honestly an educational psychologist sounds like it would be helpful not just for your DS but also to help the teachers!
They would also work with both parents (specifically your ex!) and come up with a plan for your DS and give the teachers better ways of coping.
I imagine it might also be a wake up call for your ex.
Can you speak to your schools SENCO and ask about additional support for everyone involved?

26 detentions in 6 weeks is a problem and something is clearly very wrong somewhere.

imip
Some do and their rule approach isn't my choice, but even then I'd expect y7 to get a hand full in the first couple of weeks whilst they got used to it, then other students to get the odd one as part and parcel of forgetting things and being in that type of school and that's about it.

In Year 9, 26 is a lot, especially for disrupting learning. It's a lot in a harsher school system and appalling in a more moderate school

LolaSmiles. Retired teacher to teacher. It is obvious we both know what is going on here, as much as you ever can, not getting the whole picture on MN and not knowing the child.
He is, whether intentionally or not playing mum off against dad. Dad REALLY isn't helping, maybe he "don't hold with none o'that there book-learning", we must both have seen that.
Agree entirely with your analysis and hope OP gets it sorted out. Interesting you mention possible SEN prob while at ther same time mentioning puberty. Could be either or even both. Will never forget one particularly excellent, bright and hardworking female student who started yr 9 top of the class and by yr 10 had become a total slapper. Nothing we could do seemed to work. No obvious reason behind it.
Get the school on your side OP and Good Luck.

I hope you mean Slacker

Not RTFT but there will be lots of sanctimonious people sayign that any detention is shocking and when are you going to "parent" your child properly.

26 does sound like a lot. However, the devil as always is in the detail. Some schools give them out like confetti for any little misdemeanour. And are they break-time detentions (which may be more like 5 mins after class to finish some work you didn't finish in class because you were chatting too much, not really a detention) or after school?

I had 3 in my entire school career (the less serious lunchtime ones). In my school if you were really bad you got a Friday night detention. I didn't know anyone who got one. In those days just telling kids off seemed to be enough.

Why were they given? What type of detention? What other strategies is the school using to manage poor behaviour?

That number of detentions are definitely not common in my DC's school and your ex is BU to think that it's completely normal. Is there any chance of meeting with the school without him if he isn't going to be supportive?

What does your DS say? Does he feel they come down hard on him because of previous bad behaviour? Does he realise that this could ultimately lead to him being expelled? Have the school started this year with a harder stance on messing about?

My DS's school have already expelled/asked 3 sudents to leave since September which is more than the whole of the last school year. Maybe they're having a crack down on badly behaved pupils?

Thy are using reports, a meeting last year and not sure what else to be quite honest.

Neither of my children had a single detention in 7 years each at secondary school. Nor any behaviour sanction in the 7 years at primary either.
I would say that is the benchmark you should be looking at. Sorry.

@CallmeAngelina As even I who was a total goody two shoes - got detentions whilst at secondary, zero detentions has never been my benchmark. Things happen.
But I have met the children who were terrified of having detentions and may well have hidden them from parents.

In every case my own detentions were due to general class misbehaviour. My children earned theirs a bit more. But it does vary with schools.

OP - you need to contact school again. It is by keeping involved with the school and your son seeing you take this seriously that you might turn this behaviour around.

@GreenTulips sadly not