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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to say this woman on the bus was petty?

87 replies

Solasshole · 16/10/2019 18:38

So, was just on the bus home. Bus was fairly empty. On the bus there is a woman with a baby in her pram sitting in a disabled seat. There are 5 other disabled seats nearby that are empty. There are also numerous other non disabled seats nearby that are also empty. Another passenger gets on the bus, she has mobility issues from what I can tell. She approaches mum with pram and requests that she moves from her seat so she may have that very particular disabled seat. Mum does so quickly and then has to awkwardly move pram while bus is moving and ends up having to stand as other disabled seats nearby wouldn't let her be close enough to pram without blocking the exitway of the bus.

Aibu to say this disabled woman getting on the bus is just fucking petty? There are 5 other seats marked for disabled persons nearby that are unoccupied which would have been more than suitable for this lady. Why go and ask the mother to move because she just HAS to have that particular seat?!

FWIW, I am not the mother in this situation, just a somewhat bemused passenger observing. I have had a very bad day in the public transport department and this level of pettiness over a bus seat just made me go Confused

(Yes I know disabled woman has every right to request whatever disabled seat she likes be vacated for her but come on!! there where 5 specifically marked disabled seats available to her!!!)

OP posts:
ChickenyChick · 17/10/2019 07:54

* Some of 'the disabled' do have a very entrenched sense of entitlement.*

Really?

Try walking a mile in someone else’s shoes.

Daily life is often a real challenge for disabled people and causes masses of anxiety, my mum can’t get out of the bus from certain disabled seats, she can’t drive, her walker needs to fit in too. She never acts entitled, will let bus pass and wait for next one of suitable seat not available. Daily life is a struggle.

How can anyone say disabled people act entitled. Bloody good on them if they do. Some people just have no idea how hard life can be (lucky them)

Timeywimey10 · 17/10/2019 07:55

Not RTFT but yes she was being petty if there were other accessible seats available.

As a pp said about the bus, it's like the person who gets on a half empty train, sees you have your bag on the seat next to you, and so makes a beeline for the seat next to you. The one time it happened to me I just moved to one of the many other free two-seaters available (leaving London at night, so the train was only going to get emptier and my bag enjoyed the seat).

she didn't, she got onto the bus and walked up to mum and said "Move, I'm disabled

Wow.

Andsoitisjust99 · 17/10/2019 07:57

Buses near us now have a buggy area that is additional and separately labelled to disabled seating/wheelchair space. I guess this is why. I agree disabled lady was unreasonable.

I vividly remember having got on a bus for the first time at about 5month post partum (with my huge baby who probably looked about 9months) and being asked to move. I was too embarrassed to explain that I’d had a third degree tear repair, broken pelvis and prolapse. I stood up and cried silently from the pain.

plunkplunkfizz · 17/10/2019 07:57

When I had serious mobility issues I needed a pole on the right to haul myself up. A seat with a pole on the left or no pole would be useless and I’d be trapped in it unless someone agreed to haul me up. Disability needs aren’t always as simple as just a seat or a space for a wheelchair. Unfortunately as well, a big chunk of the world seems to think disabled equals slow, ripe for bullying or free for manhandling as they see fit.

HeronLanyon · 17/10/2019 08:16

I hadn’t really thought (until I experienced it travelling by bus with my lovely old ma) how extremely particular various disabilities/frailties can make passengers about seats. Eg my ma temporarily lost the use of an arm due to a wrist issue and couldn’t physically use that arm to help herself out a seat safely. During that injury she did want a seat which allowed her to use her good arm if at all possible. To an onlooker it might have looked exactly the same as other available seats. She also felt very unsafe in various ‘priority seats’ as she was nearly tipped out of one due to sudden braking where there was nothing to grab onto etc.
So I think frankly this woman sounds from your depiction to have been rude (inexcusable) but may have legit reason for wanting that seat.
Tbh when it comes to disabilities I don’t question it and being without disability don’t question stuff like this. I do however judge rudeness !!

HunterAngel · 17/10/2019 08:21

Legitimate reason for needing that particular seat or not there’s no need to be rude.

plunkplunkfizz · 17/10/2019 08:27

there’s no need to be rude.

When you’re having a hard day that’s part of a hard life and you’re doing your best to move through a world that varies from unaccommodating to downright hostile, sometimes you’re automatically on the defensive and it can come across as rude entirely inadvertently.

paige789 · 17/10/2019 08:30

When I have my baby getting on a bus gave me such bad anxiety I always felt old people were so rude and deliberately made things really awkward for me, it's so hard moving a pram around on a bus, some people are generally rude and nasty

Loopydizzylove · 17/10/2019 08:47

No disabilities give the right for rudeness and bad manners. Even after having the shittiest of days, saying please wouldn't kill you. I've had this happen on busses on many an occasion. Once when I was 8 months pregnant and suffering with severe spd, and had a baby in pram. Woman who made me not only move, but also stand up for the entire 20 minute journey was rude af. She is regularly seen strolling around town waving her crutches in the air and quite often giving passers by a whack or 2 with them if they get within 2 foot of her path.

nzborn · 17/10/2019 08:53

l can see both sides,l have had mobility issues lately so this woman could have been in pain, tired all of which means we need the closest seat but l agree that the pram and mother needed that particular space.
However, when struggling to use public transport l have had a lot of trouble getting on and off buses due to buses not being lowered to the curve or even close to it once not even being able to get off a bus and having a driver laugh at me. Getting onto a bus using a walking frame and no one giving me a seat, people have hidden disabilities so you can't ask them to move . I have even stayed at home because l couldn't deal with public transport and the grief it brought. The mother moved because she wasn't disabled, currently there is no parent with prams spaces in Buses.

ColaFreezePop · 17/10/2019 08:59

@ChickenyChick I have seen younger disabled people questioned and abused by OAPs with disabilities, so yes some disabled people do seem to be entitled in the sense they think other people are faking it. I've also seen a cyclist minding his own business be driven into by a car driver. The driver then tried to claim his disability gave him some sort of exemption. Unfortunately for the driver there was about 30 other witnesses who saw the entire interaction from start to finish. I was with a disabled younger relative who was absolutely horrified over the incident.

Becles · 17/10/2019 09:04

Problem round here are people moaning about having to fold on the bus.

If they'd chosen easily folding pushchairs and prams rather than mini 4 by 4 SUVs they haven't a clue how to fold, there would be much less angst.

Passthecherrycoke · 17/10/2019 09:05

I’ve seen this happen a few times and agree that the woman with mobility issues was just trying to make some kind of point. Very petty

FrancisCrawford · 17/10/2019 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NorthBich · 17/10/2019 13:52

I definitely wouldn't have moved Grin
But I'm a bitch so

Areyoufree · 17/10/2019 14:07

She probably was being petty, but seeing as most buildings, public transport, pavements, attitudes, clothes, activites (etc. etc. ) are not well designed with regards to people with disabilities, I think I would let her have this one.

Toastymash · 17/10/2019 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Velveteenfruitbowl · 17/10/2019 14:25

@Becles most easily foldable pushchairs aren’t suitable for shitty pavements which seem to be fairly common in the U.K. even when you are able to use an easily findable pushchair most buses don’t actually have anywhere to put them.

The issue is that buses don’t accommodate people with pushchairs. When I was growing up the public transport in my city had large bays at the front of the bus that could easily accommodate four pushchairs plus a few large bags. I’ve never seen any buses that have storage bays that could accommodate even one buggy. Public transport really isn’t that suitable for traveling with young children.

CrohnicallyEarly · 17/10/2019 14:53

I’ve just upgraded again from an umbrella fold to a big bulky pram with huge wheels. I have MS and I need something stable enough to lean on. The huge wheels make it easier to push and get up kerbs etc.

If I was asked to vacate the space on a bus, of course I would but I would need help to collapse and store the pram, plus I would still need a seat as I definitely can’t keep me and toddler safe standing on a moving bus.

MorganKitten · 17/10/2019 15:48

Near me there’s a man with mental and physical disabilities, if the seat he’s used to isn’t free he will have a meltdown and cry on the bus.

joyfullittlehippo · 17/10/2019 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fallofrain · 17/10/2019 21:59

Its a massive dilema as i saif before i had a temporary disablity (which was invisible to others) which meant i had to be incredibly fussy about seats. I needed to sit with my leg at a certain angle so it had to be an aisle seat on a certain side in the disabled bit just like others said about needing the rail on a certain side too preferably.

What i also didnt realise was how much id have to use buses. Normally id drive but i couldnt do that, sitting as a passenger was reaaally not idea due to angles.

So if i ever wanted to leave the house in those months while my partner was at work (and even if i could be driven it wasnt ideal) it had to be a bus. Thats doctors appointments, to go to the pharmacy, physio, to do anything,

With the asking people to move (and appearing petty as 90% of this thread voted) i hated it. So i stayed in a lot more than i should of, and really cut off from the world.

I never realised what a lifeline a bus might be for a disabled persob

I found

MidniteScribbler · 19/10/2019 03:43

"Get up, I want to sit there." VS "Excuse me, are you able to move to another seat? I have mobility issues that mean that this seat is the only one I'm comfortably able to sit in."

Can you see the difference? And why there might be a difference in the response that the person gets?

Notnowokay · 19/10/2019 04:09

The buses near here only has two seats that would allow you to stretch/ not bend your knee. Did the disabled person have trouble bending their knee? Did the other seats have adequate room not to bend your knee?

Notnowokay · 19/10/2019 04:25

No disabilities give the right for rudeness and bad manners

Yes, that is true. But no one should be forced to state their medical history in order to get a seat on a bus.