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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to say this woman on the bus was petty?

87 replies

Solasshole · 16/10/2019 18:38

So, was just on the bus home. Bus was fairly empty. On the bus there is a woman with a baby in her pram sitting in a disabled seat. There are 5 other disabled seats nearby that are empty. There are also numerous other non disabled seats nearby that are also empty. Another passenger gets on the bus, she has mobility issues from what I can tell. She approaches mum with pram and requests that she moves from her seat so she may have that very particular disabled seat. Mum does so quickly and then has to awkwardly move pram while bus is moving and ends up having to stand as other disabled seats nearby wouldn't let her be close enough to pram without blocking the exitway of the bus.

Aibu to say this disabled woman getting on the bus is just fucking petty? There are 5 other seats marked for disabled persons nearby that are unoccupied which would have been more than suitable for this lady. Why go and ask the mother to move because she just HAS to have that particular seat?!

FWIW, I am not the mother in this situation, just a somewhat bemused passenger observing. I have had a very bad day in the public transport department and this level of pettiness over a bus seat just made me go

(Yes I know disabled woman has every right to request whatever disabled seat she likes be vacated for her but come on!! there where 5 specifically marked disabled seats available to her!!!)

OP posts:

needsahouseboy · 16/10/2019 18:39

I’m with you on this.

Orchidflower1 · 16/10/2019 18:40

Disabled woman obviously felt she was making a point. I think it’s mean, if there were no disabled seats fair enough but you’re right, it’s just petty.

isseywithcats · 16/10/2019 18:41

if the bus had been full up fair enough but on a near empty bus shes just asserting her entitlement and been a cow wanting a particular seat instead of one 2 feet away

Cherrysoup · 16/10/2019 18:43

That is ridiculously petty and why has no-one yet mentioned that some disabilities are invisible and being a mum and having a disability are not mutually exclusive?! (I’m quite excited to be first on that one! 😂)

AnnieOH1 · 16/10/2019 18:46

Were all the seats "equal"? Could there have been any reason at all why the disabled lady needed this seat in particular? I'm thinking space, distance to the door, near to the bell, maybe even the view from the seat if she gets travel sick?

msbevvy · 16/10/2019 18:47

From my experience, some of the seats labelled as disabled are not very generous in leg room. On some buses it is only the one next to the wheelchair space that has enough room to accommodate things like a knee that can't be bent without pain.

Idontwanttotalk · 16/10/2019 18:49

Not sure what disabled seats are. Where I live our buses have a specific place for a wheelchair which others can stand in but must move to give priority to a wheelchair user. We also have spaces for pushchairs/prams with pull down seats for accompanying parent. We have 2 seats on either side of the bus just a little further back from them which anyone can use but we are requested by a notice to give them up for anyone less able.

Is it that kind of seat you are referring to as a disabled seat? I wonder if the person in question experiences problems a lot so that is why they are being rather strict about it? Sometimes disabilities are hidden too like heart conditions that affect mobility.

What arrangements are there for prams on the bus in question?

Napqueen1234 · 16/10/2019 18:52

I agree that is petty. It just seems like she was trying to make some kind of point although unclear what that actually is.

Idontwanttotalk · 16/10/2019 18:52

@Cherrysoup
Well, I fell into that one. You have a good point. I've not really ever considered that a mother might have a hidden disability.(😂)

Ginqueen20 · 16/10/2019 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Pinkblueberry · 16/10/2019 18:57

I’m all for giving people the benefit of the doubt, but not in this situation (travel sickness is hardly a disability ) unless she was a wheelchair user, the seats mentioned by the OP are no different to the rest. And speaking of equality - disabled people can be dicks too. This is most certainly the case here. Not just ‘pettiness’ in my opinion.

Original poster

Solasshole · 16/10/2019 18:58

@AnnieOH1AnnieOH1

Not that I could see! Seat mum was in was next to the window but there where was at least 1 other window disabled seat available and also 2x "easy access" disabled seats (the ones in the aisles so you dont have to shimmy into a row of seats iyswim?)

OP posts:

thisisthend · 16/10/2019 19:10

Disabled have priority I believe on public transport, however if there were seats available that were just as convenient, it does seem a bit unnecessary. Perhaps that seat had wider leg room.

Meshy23 · 16/10/2019 19:12

I just wonder if that disabled seat was easier to get to or had more space (which also made it easier for the mum to sit in). Otherwise it’s horrible and petty - poor woman. But it’s awkward because she couldn’t exactly say no to the other lady.

PumpkinP · 16/10/2019 19:14

A woman done this to my daughter. walked past a completely empty seat that was directly in front of my daughters seat. (And yes they are both identical) then demanded my daughters seat, my dd is disabled little did she know. I think a lot of people do it to make some kind of petty point. But not all disabilities are visible and when I pointed out my daughter had a disability I got “yeah right!” In response.

Alexapourmeadrink · 16/10/2019 19:23

Is priority seating only for Disabled? I haven’t been on a bus in a while but I think it’s usually marked for Disabled, pregnant or anyone struggling to stand? I would say a mum with a baby is quite entitled to use such a seat.

Disabled lady seems to have been taking the piss. If an elderly person with a cane had been already in that seat, she’d probably have been happy to sit elsewhere.

She’s giving disabled people a bad reputation!

ilovesooty · 16/10/2019 19:28

It sounds petty on the face of it.

@Ginqueen20 what a twattish comment.

GooseFeather · 16/10/2019 19:29

I'll probably get flamed for this but disability and being an arse are not mutually exclusive.

I was on a train recently, there were three wheelchair users, they all got on at the same stop. There was plenty of space for them all away from the doors. One of them manoeuvred himself so he was in a doorway. I initially assumed he was getting off at the next stop. But, no. And he refused to move a little to one side or go back a bit, so other passengers had to either squeeze past him to get off or race the length of the carriage to get out at the other end. I watched him refuse to move at three consecutive stops before I got off. I get that travelling by train in a wheelchair is monumentally shit, but why do that?

Original poster

Solasshole · 16/10/2019 19:34

Might I also add... she wasnt particularly polite about asking the mum to move either. If she'd said something like "excuse me can I have that seat please as I need that one because of xyz for my disability" I would say fair enough! But she didn't, she got onto the bus and walked up to mum and said "Move, I'm disabled."

OP posts:

Weedinosaurus · 16/10/2019 19:37

YANBU
I believe the disabled seats are absolutely necessary but I do think busses need to do something to accommodate mums with pranks.
Last summer I was on a bus with my toddler (no pram) and there was a mum in the bus with a baby, toddler and a whole loaf of shopping. The baby was in the pram and she had her hands completely full. At one of the stops, a wheelchair user got on and needed the space. The poor mum burst into tears as she said this was the 2nd bus she’d had to get off today. It was raining and she looked knackered. I had to try and help her off the bus with my toddler as everyone else watched her struggle. I really felt for her. I don’t know what the answer is but there has to be one...

Weedinosaurus · 16/10/2019 19:37

Prams not pranks

yellowallpaper · 16/10/2019 19:44

Hats off to the buggy mum for being so decent. And yes the other woman was a petty prick

Biancadelrioisback · 16/10/2019 19:50

This is like when people get on the empty bus and demand to sit next to someone with loads of bags who has taken advantage of the bus being empty and dared to put a bag on a seat. It's just petty and not proving a point.

HEMammajamma · 16/10/2019 19:56

(Yes I know disabled woman has every right to request whatever disabled seat she likes be vacated for her

Don't think so! Not whatever disabled seat she likes if there are other disabled seats available and all are equal in features and will accommodate equally. She has the right if that isn't the case.

ItsReallyNotOk · 16/10/2019 20:29

YABU - pushing a pram is nothing like having a disability and not all the priority seats are the same:

some are completely flat and these are the best for my circumstances

some slope down at the back and are incredibly difficult to get up from and are very uncomfortable

some are higher and are very uncomfortable to sit on as you can't lean back and have to perch on the end causing pain and tension in your core body and thighs/legs

some are lower and again cause pain in your core body and legs as you have to tense up to remain seated and are almost impossible

to get up from

some flip up when vacated and cause pain by smacking you in the back of your legs and bottom because you daren't put your hand behind you to stop it as if you've got mobility issues you need both hands to be holding on at all times in case you fall

some have a fixed bar you can use to haul yourself up but some have the moveable bar and there's no way they are safe to pull yourself

up with

some have a solid back which are best for my circumstances as if the seat has a gap between the seat and the back rest as I have a muscle-wasting disease my bottom kind of slips through the space and gets wedged there and I end up with bruising on my back where the bottom edge of the seat back bumps my back

the muscles in my left side are weaker (so weak I can't use a knife and fork and I have to attach my crutch handle to my arm using the cuff and a scrunchie so I need to sit on the left side so when my muscles give way I fall into the side of the bus and don't fall into the aisle

some have more space around them so are definitely more comfortable.

So depending on your circumstances each seat is not equal to a person with a disability even though it looks equal to someone pushing a pram.

How many threads are there each week 'I saw someone use a P&C space in the car park and they didn't have a child with them so I pulled them up on it even though I had a space'? Are they being petty?

And believe me very few people who don't have 2 fully functioning arms and legs, hands that struggle to hold a knife and fork, get out of breathe getting dressed and can't even put mascara on will dare to ask for a seat on a bus from someone with a pram unless they really, really need it.
I weigh 45kgs and I'm 5ft3 and you could blow me over so there's now way I'm going to get into a disagreement with someone with a pushchair - can you imagine the damage a pushchair can do to me?

I'll show you the damage they do - this DM decided to rest her pushchair on my legs after I apologised and said I really need to sit here as I'm using my crutches today and this seat is the only flat seat - and it was the seat used for wheelchairs. She just sat in the chair opposite me and used the space anyway and rested the handles and pram on my legs - the pain was that bad it made me cry.

The second picture is the fingerprints left by another DM who just pulled me off the seat in the wheelchair area she didn't even ask me - just saw my crutches, tutted and pulled me up off the seat.

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