Aibu to confront rude manager

[Superfoodie123]

Hi

I have a manager who is quite rude, at first I thought she was straight talking but she's inconsistent, sometimes nice sometimes incredibly rude.

Eg, in meetings if I suggest something she'll say something like 'we have already discussed that and, no were not doing that' very cut throat, other egs. Will you go down and speak to blah blah and get them to sort the phone out. Then I'll say 'I'm just sorting this first' she'll look me in the eye and rudely say erm we can do that after please go down now (it's as much her job to do that as me) I'm in a medium to senior role so not her assistant.

She's sometimes super nice which I find weird, always after she's been rude so it's like she's trying to make up for it. This whole thing started after she marked up an email of mine to go internally and just worded it the way she would say it but the message was the same. I told her I don't want to be managed this way but suggestions are fine and she seemed cool with it. But now she's being super rude and I really don't like working with her out of fear of more put downs. Im generally feeling anxious because of it.

Any suggestions, how do I approach this in a non awkward way? I hate confrontation

If your last few posts are indicative of your behaviour at work I'd say the issue is with you, not her.

OP YANBU I had one like that. Micro managed me and would correct everything I did. Her emails always had a rude tone.
My work performance went to absolute pieces till I was put on a performance plan.
She left. New manager was a lazy bastard very hands off and within a year I was getting high performance ratings, my confidence was high and I didn't cry in the bogs any more.

@wowfudge what part?

Some people just have an abrupt manner, but her level of micromanagement sounds a bit ridiculous tbh.

Do you have regular 1 to 1's? If so, I'd explain that you feel that you're being micromanaged and that you don't feel it's appropriate at your level of seniority.

I bloody hate being micromanaged (it feels like being undermined, especially when done badly) and I hate people rewriting my stuff unless it's to comply with house style or factually wrong.

Luckily, I haven't had a manager like that for many years.

@SweetNorthernRose

"The sign of a good manager is actually that they are able to adapt their style of management to their individual members of staff in order to get the most out of that person, not the other way round. We're not robots, everyone approaches things a bit differently or learns in a different way and a good manager should recognise that."

Yes - a good manager will. What about a bad manager? Or a distinctly average manager? Not every manager is a good manager, and if you don't have a good manager then advice for working with a good manager isn't relevant.

Your posts at 15.02, 15.03 and 15.06. You come across as stroppy, "I should just put up with it then" have said she's a bitch sometimes and your grammar was wrong yet you object to amendments to your work.

@wowfudge it was a genuine question, yes she is being a bitch (surely you have called someone that before who has been bitchy towards you) and sorry, didn't realise my grammar was under scrutiny on mumsnet. I'll watch what I write next time.

I totally understand what you mean, as I have had a similar manager. Rude, snippy, condescending, passive aggressive, micromanaging. In communication it is a lot about how things are said, as much as what is said, which I feel many people are missing here. YANBU to not want to be talked to in a rude manner. However I don't think there is much you can do. In order to make a complaint to her manager and have it taken seriously, it would be necessary to be able to convincingly describe the behaviour and when it is subtle and tone-based, that is very difficult. I left my role and now work for someone who doesn't do these things. Otherwise you might just have to learn to suck it up/brush it off. And when you do leave, mention it on your exit survey.

@mauvaisereputation
So because there are bad managers about we should just put up with them and adapt to their 'style'? Is that your advice for dealing with them?
Surely, unless the manager is the owner or CEO/MD, they also have managers who monitor their performance and should be picking up on these things, although I guess this is made harder if nobody ever speaks up when they are being badly managed.

Her amendment was crap though. I'd be embarrassed if something went out like that with my name on

I also think it's very unfair to tell you that the problem must lie with you if it's just you she's rude to.
Do people have no understanding of how bullying works?

Yes, I agree, I don't think her correction is very good.

It would annoy me to be micromanaged in this way. I barely see my line manager from one month to the next, I prefer it this way.

Op I can understand. I’m in a senior management role with a large team. It will be one of two things, she is finding you frustrating and rather than being direct and telling you why she is micro managing. Or she is a crap manager.
Either. I’m amazed at those people on this thread talking about how that’s how people manage and it’s acceptable, you’re the one with the problem!! It’s not the 90’s, management has moved on, a good manager should guide/mentor and develop. Managers aren’t superior humans but they are paid to get things done but to be a good manager you can also be good to work for.