To ask whether I should give up learning to drive?

[GummyBear81]

I've done 3 tests now and am failing worse each time. My instructor thinks I'm ready and I drive fine on lessons but my nerves are horrendous and I'm failing badly but never on the same things.

1st test - 1 dangerous, 1 serious, can't remember minors. Dangerous was taking the wrong exit at a roundabout, panicking and not checking my mirrors. Serious was 3 minors for clearance to obstructions.

2nd test, in my defense I was very ill and should have cancelled it. I had to roll the window down because I was sweating so much and couldn't turn my head properly for parallel park and got hit with a serious. Also a dangerous fault for awareness - I took a turn far too fast and nearly hit a parked car.

1. 2 dangerous and a serious. Dangerous was rolling back at lights (so stupid, didn't put my handbrake on), getting beeped and another was stupidly going ahead when a Range Rover was coming down the street and nearly hitting a parked car. Serious was fucking up my parallel park again. This time the instructor said I was a good driver but clearly fell apart once I'd fucked up my parallel park and let things snowball.

I'm on the verge of giving up. I clearly need more work on my manoeveres but otherwise I drive uneventfully in lessons now. My instructor doesn't think I need more, he thinks I need help with my nerves.

I'm just fed up and demoralised and feeling shit. Any hope for me?

Go to your dr's and hope they prescribe you beta blockers. They work a treat for that nervous reaction to driving tests.

I've managed to get a cancellation for Tuesday at 11.50am. My instructor said to book it but having my doubts now! I've got beta blockers. I'm Anon here so saying it here but not telling anyone else, not even my husband.

I failed my first coz the examiner came across as an absolute bitch. Didn't tell me which way to turn as I approached a junction then snapped at me when I asked - I got really stressed out, oversteered and clipped the pavement.

Second time the instructor was this most lovely camp man who made me feel really relaxed and gave great clear instructions and I had a nice clean pass.

Keep trying OP you might just need the right circumstances

Keep at it I failed a few tests but just kept applying and doing it , it was nerves all the time I would be sweating and shaking I hated it but when I passed the feeling of never having to do another test was amazing and I love driving now

Don't give up!!

Lots of people pass after 4,5,6 etc tests.

I think a new instructor, who you feel relaxed and comfortable with will help. Even a session or two with a 'counsellor' would help get your fears back to a manageable level.
You'll get there, and the freedom that driving gives you is amazing!

Well, wish me luck then for test number 4 on Tuesday!

I was in the same boat.

I asked my doctor for beta blockers. (Can't remember if I took them in the end). Also got a new instructor on a recommendation. Then passed the test.

You will definitely get there!

Oooh- good luck!

Just seen we have similar user names!

Fellow gummy bear, did you take the beta blockers in the run up too or just on the day?

You don't need to get a new instructor if you are doing everything right during your lessons, and your instructor says you should pass. If you always remember your handbrake on hill during your lesson, then it's not the instructor.

It's your nerves that need tackling. Maybe look at things like Bach rescue remedy (helped me even if it was just psychological). Relaxation techniques. Deep breathes to regain control. Mindfulness training away from the car.

You can do it.

Could you go with a different instructor on a mock test? This way you are dealing with a stranger and doing a mock test. This may work as your brain knows it's not the real thing, but it's a good trial run. Also a different instructor may give you tips on controlling nerves.

I couldn't manage my nerves either. I gave up after several failed tests and left it about 10yrs to have another go.

Once I started again with a different instructor who had a different style, I passed on the second attempt. I passed within 4mths of restarting my learning. My instructor spent a lot of time confidence building, discussing calming techniques and trying to get me to relax about my fear of holding up other drivers or them thinking I shouldn't be on the road.

He also told me to use some little 'cheats' such as when feeling flustered, tell the instructor you're going to pull over as you feel ill. They have to pause the test for you and as long as you pull in and out safely, they can't hold it against you. I had a few mins to compose myself and it worked. He also told me to talk to myself during the test and also explain what I was doing - such as if you're stuck at a junction, say it isn't safe to go yet which can stop them marking you down for being hesitant.

I also find that confidence is key. They seem to give harder manoeuvres and mark more harshly if you're less confident. My DP actually ended up hitting the curb after a parallel park - but still passed as he was a confident driver.

5 tests here! Failed one before I'd left the test centre! Same as you, awful nerves and manoeuvres spinning me out.

Beta blockers definitely helped. Doing loads of tests so that I was more used to being in the test situation. Every time I thought I'd failed I'd just tell myself, well this is a practice test now and that was calming.

Other thing was having my manoeuvres down pat. I booked extra lessons just to do manoeuvre after manoeuvre after manoeuvre so that I could do them in my sleep. Then while I was doing the test I wasn't worrying about them. Before that I was constantly dreading that section.

I talked to myself a bit during lessons, and was trying not to in tests. Most of the time it was just me narrating what I was doing so I started doing it in my tests too. I think that helped because the silence definitely didn't.

Three years down the line I am a fairly confident driver. You can do it OP.

The doing loads of tests thing. I am doing that too and I'm not sure it's helping. My instructor wants me to get back on the horse straight away but I've booked a test for 4 days away (can't cancel now) and I don't feel very prepared tbh. My nerves are already kicking in. I'm finding it harder and harder to believe in myself after failing 3 times.

My DH started learning at 17 and only passed at 24 after ten attempts. He also fell to pieces during the tests and made silly mistakes.

A good instructor really did help him. He had one who was supposedly the best in the area but kept failing with him, passed as soon as he got a decent instructor. He changed test centre as well the time he passed, he chose a really quiet town.

You don't need to get a new instructor if you are doing everything right during your lessons, and your instructor says you should pass. If you always remember your handbrake on hill during your lesson, then it's not the instructor.

Perhaps, but I do think if the instructor is saying yeah you should pass and then you're repeatedly failing, then something isn't quite right there. Either the instructor isn't a very good judge of whether you're ready to take the test or they aren't actually instructing you in a way which is enabling you to pass the test. What I realised after some hindsight was that my instructor wasn't pointing out all the mistakes I was making so I was thinking some things were perfectly fine when they were really not.

My instructor does point out all my mistakes - though our lessons are now relaxed he notices every time I don't check a mirror etc. But tbh I think he will actually drop me if I fail again. He doesn't want to give me any more lessons.

So much of your OP resonated with me (instructor saying you're ready, but nerves making you make stupid mistakes that you don't do in lessons - particularly on manoeuvres)! I know how depressing it can get, but like other people on this thread with similar stories, I advise you to stick with it. It took me 10 years, 7 tests and 4 instructors to finally pass, but I got there in the end.

It's wise not to tell anyone about your test, to take the pressure off - and if you happen to fail again, I'd suggest not telling anyone you even took a test. I found that half the problem was the unease of the number of tests I'd taken creeping up and up - you need to try not to care what that number is, which is a lot easier if other people don't know it. Good luck for Tuesday, but be kind to yourself - if you fail, just take a deep breath, brush yourself off and try again.

My sister failed 4 times. After her 4th fail (all tests booked as soon as she failed) she took 6 months off completely. She said the anxiety was just too much and each test just felt like more and more pressure and she needed a break from it. She then passed on her 5th time 6 month later with only 1 lesson and an hour before the test. Just something worth thinking about.

Oh and with the beta blockers they're not something that needs to build up in your system so you can just take one the day of the test and it'll be fine. Although I advise trying one beforehand just incase you get side effects.

I know this has already been asked but is your instructor doing mock tests with you? By mock tests I mean they get the test sheet and a clip board, they ask you to do things exactly the examiner would, they mark the sheet when they should etc etc.

Good luck for Tuesday

Good luck for Tuesday! I think you're really brave for sticking with it :)

I failed!

But! I'm a lot less devastated. This time, I only got 1 serious fault and 6 minors. The serious fault was not keeping left enough on a roundabout. It was a stupid mistake but it's probably the least stupid mistake I've made yet!

Beta blockers REALLY helped. I felt a lot more relaxed and less flustered. I actually thought I failed on my turn in the road as I bumped the kerb and I think after that I sort of deflated. But I didn't fail there! Don't think your minor is a major!

Ah, sorry to hear that, OP

It does sound like progress, though - so well done! Just keep trying - you'll get there.

Thank you! I drove bloody perfectly on the lesson beforehand including manoeveres so kicking myself a bit. But hey ho, onwards! I was out for over an hour and I drove well apart from that fault. My instructor took pity on me and gave me some of my money back for the car hire to book my next test. Just need to bloody think!

Wondering whether to book another test asap or give it a rest for a while.