To ask whether I should give up learning to drive?

[GummyBear81]

I've done 3 tests now and am failing worse each time. My instructor thinks I'm ready and I drive fine on lessons but my nerves are horrendous and I'm failing badly but never on the same things.

1st test - 1 dangerous, 1 serious, can't remember minors. Dangerous was taking the wrong exit at a roundabout, panicking and not checking my mirrors. Serious was 3 minors for clearance to obstructions.

2nd test, in my defense I was very ill and should have cancelled it. I had to roll the window down because I was sweating so much and couldn't turn my head properly for parallel park and got hit with a serious. Also a dangerous fault for awareness - I took a turn far too fast and nearly hit a parked car.

1. 2 dangerous and a serious. Dangerous was rolling back at lights (so stupid, didn't put my handbrake on), getting beeped and another was stupidly going ahead when a Range Rover was coming down the street and nearly hitting a parked car. Serious was fucking up my parallel park again. This time the instructor said I was a good driver but clearly fell apart once I'd fucked up my parallel park and let things snowball.

I'm on the verge of giving up. I clearly need more work on my manoeveres but otherwise I drive uneventfully in lessons now. My instructor doesn't think I need more, he thinks I need help with my nerves.

I'm just fed up and demoralised and feeling shit. Any hope for me?

Maybe you’re just so nervous you’re getting in your own way. What steps can you take to try and control your nerves? Maybe mindfulness? Good luck! Keep going

Don't give up, you will regret it so much if you do.

I tried learning 2 years ago and had awful nerves. Gave up after 10 hours of lessons. I've started again recently, again around 10 hours of lessons. Im not sure about my instructor, I like him but he's not been the most reliable sorting out lessons and he was aware from the start I wanted to learn more intensively, partly to help the nerves. So I'm thinking of looking elsewhere. I'm feeling a bit fed up with it all too and wish I could get rid of the nerves but I am NOT going to give up this time. I will be so upset and cross with myself if I did.

Keep going, you will get there 👍

@GummyBear81 Ahh no, sorry. It was a long shot anyway! But that's definitely what you need, just somebody really laid back who will let you take things at your own pace :).

Is your instructor doing mock tests with you? They are important test preparation.

Other than that, if you really do drive fine in lessons, you need to decide how you are going to treat the nerves. I took 6 goes to pass due to test nerves, I think a combination of Rescue Remedy, luck and positive thinking helped me in the end.

If he got me through my test, he can get anyone through!

Hi, if it's manoeuvres you are struggling with can you spend a few lessons just doing them over and over.

I had a 2 hour lesson before my test just driving and finding places to do parallel parking practice.

I second what Overthinkingthis said. Can you get your driving instructor to arrange a mock test with another driving instructor that you do not know but can report back to him? Its a proven test preparation method.

Fuck the rescue remedy. Beta blockers is what you need. Google them and have a chat with your GP. I failed 4 tests and once I took the Beta blockers I was like a new person during test number 5.

I could have written your post. I was due to sit my 4th test next week but got an email yesterday saying it has been cancelled due to an examiner problem. Next date is mid dec. I have terrible anxiety anyway, but it is always a shit load worse when driving. My instructor is fab too. I'm the problem, not him. I have insured my partner's car and that is helping a bit, but it's stupid shit on manoeuvres that lets me down - my 1st test I was asked to park in a bay. I did. Then asked could I fix it. Examiner said yes, let me know when you're finished. At the end of the test, he said if I had just left the car where I had originally parked it, I would have passed 🙈 each test after that got worse. I dont know what I will do if I fail this time. It's so expensive as well!!

Take a break for a month OP - you've got yourself in a tizz about this (understandably) so you're driving in a state of anxiety and panic, which isn't likely to end well!

It's really difficult if you can't practice between lessons because you're not doing kind of "real" everyday driving, you're always in a constant state of trying to please your instructor or pass for the examiner. Not sure what to suggest as an alternative to that, natural driving time is so important to build confidence and calmness.

Hope you manage to get it sorted OP but I would take a break just to get over this wobble and take a breather from the pressure before trying again. Good luck

Five tests, similarly to you I just suffered with nerves. I pererved though and eventually passed. Keep going. You will get there!

I've not tried them but I knows someone who swears by beta blockers to control occasional anxiety (in her case public speaking). Might be worth looking into.

Keep going OP, I used to be in your very position! Honestly jumping through the required hoops of the driving test is so much harder than real life driving. It took me two years to learn but I got there and not had a single incident since I eventually passed. Please persevere!

Your instructor probably is fine - but going out with someone totally new might give you fresh eyes?

I have heard in the UK you can get some kind of medication which helps with nerves but won't make you drowsy.

Why would you give up?
You’re being despondent, natural to be disappointed but giving up would only hurt you.

I learned mid 30s hated my lessons, failed a few times but having my license has been fantastic.

It took me ten attempts to pass. The only practice I got was during my weekly lessons and quite frankly it wasn’t enough. After test number 8 my Dad bought a car and arranged for his friend to take me out in it every day. That gave me the confidence and experience to be able to actually pass the test. Imo it’s very difficult to pass if you haven’t got someone to take you out regularly.

Keep going. I passed on my 6th attempt 22 years ago. It’s a life skill. My instructor told me to book the earliest one I could on a Saturday morning as it would be quiet. I also was very nervous about it. After test number 4 I thought I’d never pass but about 2 months later passed. I also hold a full motorbike license which I passed on my second attempt! I found the theory very easy and passed both first time.
Don’t let people tell you that you’ll never do it. You will.

Thank you, and good luck to everyone in the same boat. It's so shit! I see drivers on the road and have no idea how they passed their test. I want to be one of them

Right, I now have beta blockers and am looking for a cancellation.

Another vote here for not giving up OP! I finally passed my test in August on my sixth attempt but at one point I was convinced that I was never going to pass the bloody thing From my second test onwards I was a pretty confident driver in my own time but I just went to pieces every time I had an examiner next to me and made silly mistakes. Thankfully on my last go I had a lovely examiner who really put me at ease and I passed but to be honest I don’t think that I drove that much better than I had on previous occasions - I think it was more to do with me feeling more confident than anything else. Will keep my fingers crossed for you.

I took 2 and a half years to get the opportunity to even sit my test. Learnt in an automatic. Failed my first attempt. Passed 2nd. Best feeling in the world. I am rubbish at manoeuvres too. I got lucky and got park on the right on the test. If I can pass, ANYONE CAN!

Don’t give up! New instructor and beta blockers.

I failed 12 times. I then had a session of hypnotherapy, and passed.

Don't give up.

Oh gosh, I'm the same. I failed spectacularly last month and haven't had a lesson since. The thought of driving makes me tense up...I don't know if I can put myself through it again. My instructor is lovely and I know I can drive okay but it's just I am a disaster as soon as I even get near the test centre.