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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding in relative’s garden?

33 replies

ConkerGame · 15/10/2019 17:33

DFiance and I are struggling to find a wedding venue that we like/in budget/ available on dates we want etc.

One of his relatives (not a parent) has very kindly offered us to use their back garden to put up a marquee and hold the wedding there (with the ceremony in the local church). They live in a beautiful place and their garden is actually more of a field so there’s plenty of space. They hosted their own similar event in a marquee there a few years ago so they do have experience of what hosting this sort of thing entails.

DP and I are keen in theory but are a bit apprehensive. We really like these relatives so don’t think they’d be too controlling or annoying about things but in reality I don’t know them that well and you never know how wedding planning might change people!

I also think it would be quite stressful to host something like this and I wouldn’t want their kind offer to turn into something that we fall out about or have disagreements over.

Has anyone else done this (with a relative that’s not a parent)? and if so do you have any tips for making it all go smoothly?!

Just to be clear they wouldn’t be paying for any of it, we would cover all costs.

TIA!

OP posts:
Original poster
ConkerGame · 15/10/2019 17:47

Anyone?

OP posts:
Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 15/10/2019 17:57

Difficult one this OP ...I don;t know what to suggest,In theory it sounds a lovely generous offer and its very trendy now to have this kind of wedding but the idea of strangers trampelling all over my garden might cause ructions also the daftest things come into play too..who would pay for any damage should the prize begonias get squashed?!!! Who would clear the mess up afterwards? How much disruption would be caused to the house hold when caterers turn up or marquee company? Would access to the house be required for guests to use the loo? Would the caterers need access to the kitchen facilities? There are so many things that can go wrong.I think a genuine sit down conversation is needed where all things are ironed out in advance must happenFor example if the household says no one has access to our home for loo visits or no one can use any catering facilities indoors then you ight be stuck with a problem,yes you could hire port a loos for guests but what if the household objects to them on her lawn? See where it could get messy? Plan your day roughly with all weathers catered for and all senarios too and present homeowner with your rough plans ..see if they still want to proceed.Think thats about as much as you can do but if you have to hire loos outside catering companies etc then its all going to add it and to do it all without inconviniencing the home owner could be a difficult balancing act! Good luck!

Original poster
ConkerGame · 15/10/2019 18:04

Thanks @Sally that’s definitely given me some food for thought - I was more worried about her wanting to control the smaller elements but actually there’s a lot to consider with big structural elements like the toilets and kitchen.

Oh dear, maybe it’s a much bigger job than I’d bargained for!

OP posts:
HisBetterHalf · 15/10/2019 18:10

Parking as well to cinsider if you have a lot of guests, waste removal costs after the wedding (food, disposable plates etc etc), will there be a time restriction if guests want to continue celebrating once youve left etc, any aircraft noise above the garden if on a fligt path, do they have pets that might wander round the garden, will the neighbours complain about the noise..... just some things to consider

Shellandwhale · 15/10/2019 18:11

That sounds like it's one of those things that sounds like it will be cheaper on the surface but then ends up potentially being more expensive. It really depends what you have in mind.

It's a bit like doing a child's party in the village hall. It sounds like it's cheaper then paying for a party package at the softplay, but by the time you've hired stuff, bought in food, spent hours preparing etc etc you've not saved anything or even spent more - all with the added stress or organising the whole thing.

I think that by the time you've added on the costs of marquee, catering, table and chair hire, out door loo hire, sound system if you need it and so on it might not be cheaper - all with the added stress of greater planning then if you'd just bought a package.

Original poster
ConkerGame · 15/10/2019 18:14

Thanks, yes just to be clear we wouldn’t be taking this option to save money - we know it will work out the same price. It’s more that the venues we’ve seen we either don’t like, don’t have availability, are very much wedding factories (some have 6 weddings per week!) so feel very impersonal etc

OP posts:
Bumbers · 15/10/2019 18:15

If you cost it, I suspect it wont end up much cheaper. Worth doing the sums first, regardless of family relations issues!

PositiveVibez · 15/10/2019 18:29

You can get caterers who bring all their own gear. My sister had her 40th in her garden and had a caterers who made a mahoosive paella and provided the crockery. They took it all away with them at the end.

We were able to use the indoor toilets tho, and I think that might be the biggest thing.

I'm not sure I would want to use portaloos at a wedding dressed up in all my finery 😁

Jaxhog · 15/10/2019 18:35

SMake a list of questions, then sit down with them to make sure there is agreement about what and how it will work, including clean up.

Unless you plan to have hordes of guests who will get drunk and trample over flowerbeds etc. it sounds like it would be lovely. I've been to several like this (including one with portaloos) and they've all been fine.

ParkheadParadise · 15/10/2019 18:37

We had dd's christening in a marquee in our garden. Had 80 guests. Everything was set up outside, so in theory No one had to come in the house.
My nephew's partner decided to have a look in the house. She was drunk, after trying on my shoes and being sick over my bed and landing the silly cow fell down the stairs and broke her leg.
I will NEVER again host any sort of party in my house again.😆😆😆

Original poster
ConkerGame · 15/10/2019 18:43

Oh gosh @Parkhead that’s awful! I’d hope that none of our guests would do anything like that and would fully expect the house to be locked for the duration!

OP posts:
Mokoblack · 15/10/2019 18:46

If you’re on Instagram check out diybudgetbride, she had a wedding in a relatives back garden and it was beautiful. She’s really good at answering questions too.

TheSandgroper · 15/10/2019 18:50

Talk to a couple of experienced wedding planners, get quotes and then hire one. They can talk catering, toilets, parking and floor surfaces.

They will know what to do, how to do it and they will have insurance. And take out your own insurance.

ParkheadParadise · 15/10/2019 18:50

Locked and no enrty sign😂sounds a good idea ConkerGame

JasBBGG · 15/10/2019 18:50

Decent marquees are expensive. You then need to bring in power, furniture, toilets, caterers. I suspect it will not be the cheaper option!

Outsomnia · 15/10/2019 18:51

If I were to be absolutely honest I would say choose a neutral venue and forget about the marquee.

At least with a professionally catered venue you just sit back and any issues are with the venue.

I do realise that you feel you cannot find the right place for you, but this person's back garden may not be ideal either.

Think about it, do you want to be wincing every time something breaks, someone gets a little ill or messy from drinking, or there is an altercation of sorts, or whatever?

OK, these things happen at weddings it goes with the territory now and then, even when you think your guests are impeccably behaved!

If it were me, I would choose the venue I liked the most, and run with it. Guests don't mind as long as they are fed and watered! I would also be thinking of parking, toilets, and GRASS in someone's back garden. Might be a challenge, and you don't want to be stressed out if it happens to rain for example, do you?

Congratulations on your wedding and best of luck. Go with what you are most comfortable with at the end of the day!

SleepingStandingUp · 15/10/2019 18:53

I think if you do it, you need the marque company to do all the erextiom and dismantling work, a company to come in and dress the room, caterers to do all the food and clean up of food, portaloos, literally someone paid to do every job.

Ps. Tipis are cooler

Original poster
ConkerGame · 15/10/2019 18:54

Thanks @Mokoblack good tip!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 15/10/2019 18:55

Toilets, kitchen, damage to lawn, what if it's pouring down rain, parking, etc, etc...

Seems it could be more trouble than it's worth.

user1474894224 · 15/10/2019 18:56

I think it sounds wonderful. What about using a wedding planner who has done this before and can guide you through the day? (Or ask around suppliers of things like the decorations....they often have great advice having done this before and can suggest other suppliers who are used to this).

Outsomnia · 15/10/2019 18:58

I would not like to have to use a portaloo in my finery at a wedding. Sorry. I am sure I am not alone. That is the one thing that puts me off attending marquee weddings.

And I have attended two. Not for me.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/10/2019 19:01

I would not like to have to use a portaloo in my finery at a wedding they turn up to venues lovely and clean, as long as thry hire enough it should be fien for a few hours. Only issue is if its really wet underfoot

kateandme · 15/10/2019 19:04

i think it sounds lovely.
best thing from here i think is meeting.sort out some scripts before hand of things you wan tto ask them,what you want,your ideas.then just go round and ask them what they had in mind.let them start that will give you the the full idea of how they are seeing this panning out. then go from there.
but dont be a MNetter and actually talk to these people!honest,open and discuss everything.

Titsntats · 15/10/2019 19:05

Cant really help much but when we were planning our wedding we thought marquees would be a money saving option but they are extortionate and we couldn’t believe how expensive they are! (Well possibly only in our area of the country) so I would look into them extensively before you decide as the price may make you change your mind anyway

notangelinajolie · 15/10/2019 19:09

Sorry OP but I think you will find hiring a marquee and all that goes with it much less favourable on your budget than you think. A village hall may work?

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