Wedding in relative’s garden?

[ConkerGame]

DFiance and I are struggling to find a wedding venue that we like/in budget/ available on dates we want etc.

One of his relatives (not a parent) has very kindly offered us to use their back garden to put up a marquee and hold the wedding there (with the ceremony in the local church). They live in a beautiful place and their garden is actually more of a field so there’s plenty of space. They hosted their own similar event in a marquee there a few years ago so they do have experience of what hosting this sort of thing entails.

DP and I are keen in theory but are a bit apprehensive. We really like these relatives so don’t think they’d be too controlling or annoying about things but in reality I don’t know them that well and you never know how wedding planning might change people!

I also think it would be quite stressful to host something like this and I wouldn’t want their kind offer to turn into something that we fall out about or have disagreements over.

Has anyone else done this (with a relative that’s not a parent)? and if so do you have any tips for making it all go smoothly?!

Just to be clear they wouldn’t be paying for any of it, we would cover all costs.

TIA!

We did exactly this, and were so glad we did! It worked out feeling so much more personal than a venue! They were a non-parental older relative with a stunning house and garden, and we will be forever grateful that they were so generous.

As previous posters have said, it did not work out any cheaper once you added in furniture, caterers (many venues have their own staff so staff costs were a huge cost we hadn't factored in on top of the price per head meal costs), loos, lighting etc.

Ours went completely without a hitch in terms of interactions with our relatives, I think what helped this was:

• An upfront conversation about how it would work (dates for access, use of their house before the day when putting up the marquee, use of their house on the day, timings for noise etc.)
• Understanding how much they want to be involved (some people would want to know every detail, others don't want to be bothered except on the really big questions)
• Making sure they were present when the marquee company came to measure the site to discuss positioning
• Nearer the time, walking around the garden and pacing out exactly where the generator, loos, parking, camping etc. would go
• Us being flexible about positioning of marquee, loos etc. - it was their garden after all!
• They were on holiday when the marquee was being erected which was helpful! Of course you cannot arrange this, but it might be worth discussing how you want to manage it so you're not stepping on each others' toes
• The marquee went up a good couple of days before the wedding so we weren't under a lot of time pressure to sort everything out quickly
• They were happy with us using the loos/kitchen up until the day of the wedding which was great when we were erecting the marquee. On the day itself, they let the bride/bridesmaids get ready there and to use the loos, but we had loos for the guests so their house wasn't invaded

It of course helped immensely that our relatives were laid back people who weren't going to get stressed about this kind of event happening in their garden. If that's not the case, think carefully - only you can know if this is likely to go smoothly.

But overall, I would highly recommend it - there is something incredibly special about it being in a place you already know and hopefully love, and being able to go back again and reminisce!

I actually had a marquee reception a bit like what you're describing earlier this summer. We loved it for the setting (In-Laws property) and had a wonderful day BUT it was most definitely not the budget option as others have said and it's a lot of work!

It's not just the cost of the marquee (already quite a lot), but we had to allow for a catering tent, generator (you won't necessarily just be able to run a cable from the house, for instance), water for the caterers, lighting etc etc. We also had additional costs for the caterers who had to hire things that a venue such a village hall would already have (a stove!).

We also had to be around a lot during the week before for all the deliveries and set-up, and spent the day after doing quite a lot of clearing up and sorting out, ready for things to be collected. Also don't underestimate the value of a good coordinator which many venues will give you. We hired someone to do this on the day.

As I said, we loved it, but there were moments where a venue or village hall really did look appealing!

Thanks so much @notalwaysalondoner and @trackydacks it’s really helpful to hear about extra costs I hadn’t thought to factor in. We’ll definitely need to do a more detailed budget before making any decisions. Thank you for your advice!

I had a marquee in a garden of a home that has lots of sentimental value to me, I put up with the stress of having to do everything because the place meant so much to me. If it doesn’t mean that much to you find a venue that will do it all for you. Also it’s more expensive to do the marquee in garden route as you have to pay for everything separately and it all adds up.

My business partner's daughter got married he costed up two options full bells and whistles at the local Michelin starred hotel and a marquee in the garden. The marquee was more expensive and that was with his son a chef doing the food.

You can hire really posh toilet trailers with carpets and 'gold' taps

Wow @Lonecatwithkitten that is eye opening!

@ConkerGame the costs of marquees are not to be under estimated they are by no means a cheap option. Shop around for venues they are not all expensive.