AIBU To think that if you're in a relationship with someone....

[chuttypicks]

but only see each other a couple of times a week, and don't live together, then they are NOT YOUR "DP"??!!

Surely a DP is someone that you live with and are effectively in a 'life partnership' with? I keep seeing posts where people have been seeing someone for just a few months, only see them once or twice a week, and refer to them as their DP.

Is there not another way to describe that person? Maybe BF or GF? Or something else?? I'm not sure why, but it really gets my goat!! AIBU?

why does it really get your goat though? I don't get why people get so annoyed about this, it's like some weird relationship hierarchy or something

I always think of partner as someone who is essentially a common law husband or wife (and yes I know this isn't a legal term). So yes, someone you live with, split bills and expenses with, maybe own property with etc.

Anyone else to my mind, I personally would describe as a boyfriend or girlfriend. I suspect people think over a certain age that sounds immature so may elect to use partner instead.

DP is just the naming convention here on Mumsnet for someone not your husband.

DB = brother not boyfriend.

I have no idea why people can't just type it out properly but that's how it is.

YABU. Why does it matter? Also, if you’re seeing someone exclusively then they are your sexual partner and thus your “DP.”

At what point do you think that the DP tag should be allowed to be applied?

Me and my DP have been together for seven years. But we live three hours apart and only see each other at weekends and this isn’t likely to change any time soon. Should he just be considered a BF even though we got engaged? (Circumstances now mean that marriage isn’t possible but the sentiment was there).

but only see each other a couple of times a week, and don't live together, then they are NOT YOUR "DP"??!!

Sounds like the perfect DP, frankly.

But then, I do like my space.

To be honest I had trouble deciding how to refer to my husband before we moved in together and married. Partner sounds a bit country and western and boyfriend is odd when you're no longer of the age to be considered a boy or girl.

Why do you care? How does affect you in the slightest?

I can understand why people might not want to use boyfriend/girlfriend. Might feel juvenile. And some people don't like using the word "girl" to refer to adult women, etc.

Totally agree OP. ‘Partner’ conjures up all sorts of things (shares life, commitment, shared future plans etc), but then they say ‘been seeing each other for 6 weeks’. I think it does make a difference what you call someone. A BF/GF, when it stops being fun / easy just walk away. With a partner, have a look at the whole relationship and see if there is something to salvage and whether it’s worth the effort. Posters asking whether to put up with X,Y and Z from a ‘partner’ if 6 weeks are loading the relationship - you just want to say, he’s a BF, you hardly know him, just walk away!

I think I may have overthought this!

I wouldn't call my boyfriend my partner until we are living together, I call him my boyfriend or my other half. He calls me other half or partner, because he feels at 37 he is too old for a "girlfriend".

I can't say I'm bothered about what other people say to be honest. Personal choice, and not something that encroaches on my life at all.

It doesn't make me angry or anything but yes, it can be quite confusing on MN when someone's talking about a 'DP' and it turns out to be their boyfriend of a couple of months.

Dating is completely different to living with someone and imo, if you live with someone and you share various commitments, then they become your partner.

I agree but what other term is there. I have been with my (let's call him) fella for just over 2 years, but we don't live together. I agree calling him my partner feels wrong, calling him my boyfriend sounds childish (I'm 48) so it's a tough one really.

YANBU. Language matters, and there are frequent posts where the OP clearly views the relationship as a committed partnership, yet there is actually nothing more than a fairly casual sexual relationship, and her expectations are clearly different to his to the extent that they are incompatible in their aspirations for the relationship.

I didn't use partner until we lived together as it wasn't a true partnership until that point. We saw the potential in the relationship, but commitments had not been made by that point.

Partnership implies shared commitment and conjoining of aspects of life. If both people are on the same wavelength, that's fine, but mismatches of language can reveal the faultlines in expectations.

My father is in his 60s and has been with his partner for 10 years. They prefer their independence so they live in the same area but in different houses and meet up a few times a week. They were both married before but aren’t interested in getting married again and this arrangement suits them well. They go on holidays together and spend Christmas etc together too. Is his partner just his ‘girlfriend’ in that case?

But calling someone your boyfriend when you are 30 seems ridiculous, so what would you refer to them as? The term DP is only a MN term, nobody uses it IRL.
I would think it's fine to refer to someone as your partner if you're a fully fledged adult and are in a serious relationship, as opposed to just dating.

I dont live with my partner. We've been together 14 years. My dad and his partner have been together 25 years and see each other 3 times a week.

Seems a bit too commited and long term to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. He very much feels like my partner.

I could understand you being annoyed if people used the word husband if they werent married, but there are lots of different types of partnerships. YABVU

Hahaha his reminds me of my grandparents

"lady friend or man friend" for older more casual couples, used to tickle me.

Lovers perhaps?

I can't see what the problem is.

I prefer toI've alone and have had live out partners because we both had kids and didnot want to disrupt their lIves. It was a perfectly valid relationship.
Not everyone wants to live with someone else.

I like SO (significant other) for people who are in an exclusive relationship but not living together. (And aren't teenagers) .

Ha I had someone on mumsnet tell me thta my parents don't have a real marriage because they don't live together.

I know what you mean. I've seen threads like, "My DP and I have been together for three months. He lives 300 miles away and we've met twice" - it usually ends with the OP admitting that the guy's wife hasn't realised that he's no longer with her, mainly because he's sitting next to her on their sofa at the moment, planning a summer holiday.

Why does it matter to you?

I had a long distance relationship with my DH for 2 years before I took the plunge and moved in with him. In that time we saw each other for about 48 hours on alternate weekends. I referred to him as my partner because there isn't another word for what he was, because 'boyfriend' sounds idiotic at 50.

I tried to avoid the term boyfriend before I was engaged, It made me feel like a 14 yr old talking about my boyfriend.
I can't wait to be able to say Husband, all grown up like!

'Life partner' implies long-term/cohabitation sort of relationship.

'Partner' just implies someone you are regularly/ongoingly seeing to me.

But I actually hate the idea that people outside a relationship get any say in how people inside a relationship should consider themselves. You can marry someone the week you met them, you can consider yourselves life partners after a few hours, you can shag someone for twenty years and never consider it anything but a fling. It's the people and how they feel that is the difference, not arbitrary crap about how long they've seen each other/how often/where they live etc.

yabu to be this upset over it