Baby name

[elanna]

I am 26 weeks pregnant with our first little boy and my dh and I have decided on his name. It is a traditional boys name not so widely used now, but still heard of and we love it- Think Harry/George/ Thomas in style, but I won't say it as the family are on mumsnet and it would be outing. Now, I know people will have varying opinions on any name and I have no problem with that- others don't have to like it- we do, but just not as though we've picked something out there. It's a fairly standard English name. What upsets me is my American mil has phoned us several times to say she hates it and requesting we change it. She has cried and begged us to pick another name-her suggestions are Claude and Dale. I am sure these are lovely but not for us. My dh has informed her she is being unfair numerous times and she doesn't have to like it but needs to respect it. She rang last night crying to tell us that she won't be calling him by his name and will call him a name she likes more instead when they come to visit after he is born (pil are in America) AIBU to be baffled by this reaction and to call him the name regardless? My dh says he still loves the name and to ignore her but if she is ringing crying about it and he's not even due until Jan, and saying she won't call him that AIBU to feel a rather upset about it and not feeling thrilled about her visiting and calling him by a different name? Fil doesn't tackle her but says he loves the name and to ignore her.

That's weird as f**k, nothing to do with her! Tell her that of she's not prepared to call him the correct name she won't be able to see him until she does. She sounds batshit!

Ignore her and if she continues being disrespectful then don’t let her visit.

Ignore her! It's your baby so you can name it whatever you like she'll just have to respect that. If she does really use another name for baby then tell her you won't communicate with her until she uses the baby's proper name.

Her behaviour is very weird

Next time don't tell the name until
After birth! Everyone has opinions but her way of expressing them is batshit crazy

She’s really rude. Your husband need to tell her right now that she’s being unbelievably selfish and self centered behaving like this, that she’s spoiling a special time for you both, that you don’t need her hysteria when you’re pregnant and hormonal, and that she will call your son the name you choose or she won’t be seeing him - saying she’s going to make up her own name is ridiculously disrespectful! Also - Claude?! Dale?! 😂😂😂

This is why you should never tell a name until you have the baby. Personally I would say that you agree and have changed the name to something you know she will hate more.

You probably should have kept the name to yourselves until the baby arrives. Telling others the chosen name in advance rarely goes well, everyone feels entitled to an opinion.

That said, the cat is out of the bag now so I guess you need to decide whether you love the name enough to ignore MIL.

My GMIL wrote to us to tell us how much she hates our DCs name, but she's a nasty piece of work so it was easy to disregard.

I suggest you follow your husband's lead, it's his mother so he'll know how to deal with her.

Has she given any clue as to why she hates it so much.

It might be that someone from her past had that name and she doesn't want to be reminded of him or the situation? I cannot imagine why else it would garner such an OTT reaction.

Nevertheless it's your decision.

I think the usual advice given on here is to never tell anyone the name you have chosen which prevents any ridiculous behaviour as displayed by your MiL but too late now. I would tell her that you have changed your mind and will now be calling your son Ichabod or Balonze or any bonkers name which you can think of. When he is born and you call him (eg) Fred or Harry she will cry with relief.

Your baby, you get to choose the name.

If she calls him by a different name, then you correct her every time, without fail, until she gets the message. Or if she sends him stuff with the alternative name on it, you return it to her by return of post.

At least you have FIL or dh onside.

You need to set the boundaries up now.

(Is there any personal reason for disliking the name, ie. a bad association with someone having that name in the past?)

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

She has had her chance to name dc, now it is your turn. This is none of her beeswax.
I don't think MIL loved our name choices but she said nothing negative and would now tell people our dc suit their names.
Just ignore and keep on ignoring, she is only going to make herself look ridiculous.

Tell her clearly that every time she does this you will put the phone down and then do it. If you have more children only tell people the name when you have the baby. Please are less likely to comment but some still will. Good luck.

My MIL really disliked our son's name which we announced a few days after he was born. Begged us to change it. I nearly gave in and changed it because I was so stressed by it all. However one day she just called him the name rather sheepishly and I knew then she'd accepted it. She's fine with it now. My grandmother was the same when my sibling was born. She hated the name, swore she'd never use it. Gave alternatives. She insisted she'd use a different name instead. In the end she felt ridiculous calling him this other name which no one accepted. She very quickly switched to using his real name. Stand firm! She's only going to look very silly and pathetic if she doesn't use the name.

You may change your mind at birth as names either suit or don't.

Name your child whatever, but why is it known by your family at 26 weeks. You are inviting discussion and therefore argument.

She sounds like a fucking nutcase, your baby’s name has nothing to do with her. You could always tell her you’re using some ghastly American name like Chad or Jaydyn to get her off your back.

I must admit I quite like Dale but I’d still veto it if it was to please my MIL. Why does she think your child’s name is her decision? She sounds 🦇 💩

Your MIL is unhinged, and I would be telling her that if she refuses to call the baby by his proper name, she will not be welcome in your home.

Very wierd indeed. Is it typical behaviour? If so- then ignore. If not, then could you ask her why it upsets her so much? Is it the name of a child she lost, or someone who raped her or something? If she’s going to make such a fuss then she owes you an explanation. Otherwise just ignore her- don’t even engage.

I had something similar, although it all happened after the birth. We just let the 'wrong' name wash over us, plus it was vaguely similar e.g. You can't call her that. You are anyway? Fine, well I don't like Clara so I will be calling her Claire.

A couple of years down the line we were at MiLs when a friend of hers popped round and gushed over little 'Claire'. We corrected her to 'Clara' (politely), and I think MIL felt very silly in front of her friend having clearly told everyone she knew an incorrect name. She only ever used Clara after that and we never had to say a thing!

People who behave ridiculously make themselves look ridiculous in the long run - leave them to make a fool of themselves and don't rise to it. If it persists long enough your child will be correcting her! If she writes the wrong name in cards etc you can keep them and have a giggle years down the line "oh look this is back when MiL refused to call you by you name, wasn't she silly". Basically don't lose your own peace or the name you like because of her nutty behaviour.

Weird and rude. Even if it was a totally bonkers name, what an overreaction! She was actually in tears about it? Man I wish I had problems as bad as hers

Tell her that if she cannot call your baby by the name you give him then she will not be allowed to see him until she can. Mean it.

If she does promise to behave and comes to visit then make sure she keeps using the correct name. If she stops and then begins using her preferred name again then ask her to leave and not return until she has learned to respect your choice.

Seriously just ignore her, she's being a twat and everyone else can see it. Tell her this conversation is no longer open for discussion and hang up on her if she starts. If she calls the baby some random name, so what, baby won't know. She'll get over it. I can't believe her behaviour though! What a selfish, entitled spoilt brat! WTF has it got to do with her? Don't give this any more heed and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

So it’s outing to say which traditional name you’ve chosen, but not outing to say you have an American MIL who’d prefer Claude or Dale?

Thanks for the replies. I am glad most seem to think she is over-reacting also! I agree it is unfortunate they found out before he's born. Dh actually told his sister and of course it got around to mil. It's an IVF baby so we've had 6 years of talking about names and in fairness bith sides of the family are very excited that it shkukd actually happen this time. I hadn't thought of the possibility that perhaps mil has an association in the past that might make her adverse to the name. I don't know of anything but might be worth asking. If not, I think we do just need to say about it is enough and not listen to it anymore. Thanks for the fab advice!