Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to do the deed @ 35 weeks pregnant?

42 replies

rubyblue40 · 13/10/2019 22:14

OH just had a go at me because of lack of sex during this pregnancy. Ive been sick and tired through most of it and really haven't been up to it, but did try to do it every 2-3 weeks. The last month Ive just not been in the mood - shall i give in for his sake? i know he must be frustrated. AIBU for saying no untill after baby is born and im back to normal?

OP posts:
gwackywacky · 13/10/2019 22:16

Tell him to have a walk and to get used to it. What a dick.

gwackywacky · 13/10/2019 22:17

Sorry I meant wank but I guess a walk could also put him right

WithTwilightAsMyGuide · 13/10/2019 22:17

He had a go at you?? Does he often pressure you into sex?
YANBU for saying no to sex every time, if you don’t want it. For any reason.

Thehop · 13/10/2019 22:17

He can have a wank, the selfish get.

Rubywhoo · 13/10/2019 22:18

Omg what a dick!!! Goodness me, imagine how he’ll be once the baby is born! DH and I didn’t have sex for about 3 months after our baby

Willow4987 · 13/10/2019 22:18

YANBU

My DH knows sex is fully off the table when I’m pregnant (no matter how far along) and accepts that ...no pressure, no moaning or anything

welshsoph · 13/10/2019 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Queenoftheashes · 13/10/2019 22:19

Is he all right with having sex with you knowing you don’t want and won’t enjoy it?

Singlenotsingle · 13/10/2019 22:19

There are other ways for him to deal with the problem. What a selfish bastard. Tell him to f- off.

Fookadook · 13/10/2019 22:20

You do not owe him sex.

Bellasblankexpression · 13/10/2019 22:20

Dick. I haven’t wanted to do the deed practically since conception due to sickness, upset stomach and now SPD, sciatica and upset stomach.
DH hasn’t said a word and has been affectionate and cuddly.
You should never feel you have to “give in” OP.

ToPlanZ · 13/10/2019 22:20

No of course you are not unreasonable to not have sex if you don't feel like it!

You also need to tell your partner in no uncertain terms that they are not entitled to your body. How absolutely selfish and unreasonable of them! They should be supporting you not have a go at you.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 13/10/2019 22:20

AIBU for saying no untill after baby is born and im back to normal?

You’re not unreasonable to say no until the next time you Want to. That’s how sex works- two people want to have sex so they do. Not one person giving in because the other wants to.

madcatladyforever · 13/10/2019 22:22

What a rapey piece of shit. Does he have no shame?

Needadvice12 · 13/10/2019 22:26

Agree with the wank advice.

I’m 33 weeks and don’t even think I could comfortably be entered right now.

dreichsky · 13/10/2019 22:28

What an arse. He really needs to think on.

mistermagpie · 13/10/2019 22:28

I'm 33 weeks and I think we've had sex maybe three times since I found out I was pregnant. I suffer from bleeding on and off in pregnancy (have been pregnant twice before) so sex is pretty much off the table. I don't think my DH has ever even mentioned it. I suppose he must be frustrated but if he is he's dealing with it himself! I honestly couldn't care less about a man's sexual needs when the woman has to do all the hard slog of pregnancy, any sex should be entirely because she wants it, and any decent man should feel the same in my opinion.

Nagging for sex is also such a complete turn off.

Queenoftheashes · 13/10/2019 22:30

You’re not unreasonable to say no until the next time you Want to. That’s how sex works- two people want to have sex so they do. Not one person giving in because the other wants to.

Yes this bears repeating

GunpowderGelatine · 13/10/2019 22:30

Gross. He's treating you like a wank sock not a human being. Tell him you don't sleep with losers

Original poster
rubyblue40 · 13/10/2019 22:35

Thank you for responding, I shouldn't let him make me feel guilty. Your responses have helped!

OP posts:
SunshineAngel · 13/10/2019 22:37

You don't need to make excuses for not wanting sex whether you're pregnant or not. If you don't want it, you don't want it. He either puts up with that, or he doesn't.

notdaddycool · 13/10/2019 22:37

What a nob. Whatever you’re happy with and if that’s nothing for the next year so be it.

StCharlotte · 13/10/2019 22:38

Is he all right with having sex with you knowing you don’t want and won’t enjoy it?

^ this.

GunpowderGelatine · 13/10/2019 22:38

OP I want to point out that after you have the baby you may be surprised as to how long you're sore down there for. Plus you'll be knackered as hell, obsessed with feeding/burping/nappies, hormonal and so it's likely you'll be even less in the mood than you are now. Which is 100% a normal and valid way to feel.

You need to let him know that it would absolutely not be acceptable to pester you for sex until YOU mention it. You're so vulnerable post-birth and his dick does not come first.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 13/10/2019 22:42

What kind of partner wants to have sex knowing their partner isn't remotely into it or its uncomfortable etc. Not a supportive or caring one. I cant think of anything less likely to get anyone in the mood, than being pestered and nagged into it. Noone should ever have sex because they feel like they have to 'give in'

Swipe left for the next trending thread