To feel uneasy about this? School related

[PretzelPrincess]

So DS (4yo)came home and described a game they'd played in his class. It involves grouping the children according to various characteristics- height, hair colour etc.

The children were also grouped into a 'dark skin' category which my DS fits into. The school/class isn't very ethically diverse so you can imagine there wasn't very many children in this group.

My DS came home and kept looking in the mirror asking why he was in that group and asking if he has 'dark skin'. AIBU to feel uncomfortable about this? My H seems to think I am. I can understand that the school may be trying to teach a we are different but the same sort of concept. But at this age I feel they have no concept of race and colour so why would they feel the need to point it out?

And opinions/another perspective very welcome.

What was the point of the game? What happened once they were put in these groups?

Yes what was the game?

I wouldn't be happy with being grouped into skin colour. What was the purpose of the task?

4 year olds can see the differences in colours. It's not a problem stating the facts unless you attach negative values to them.
I taught my kids from a young age that skin colours are different because of different levels of melanin. It answers their questions about the differences they can see in people.

Maybe they have had a report of a racist comment and are trying to address it. I would just have a quick chat asking what the game was "as ds was trying to explain but seemed a bit confused".

'We are all the Same in Different Ways'.

It is to show each child how they are unique in themselves but at the same time no different to each other.

The children can recognise similar characteristics in each other, such as eye colour, hair colour, height, build, freckles, glasses, fringes, long hair, short hair and so on.

There are lots of different categories - light skin, freckled skin, darker skin, dark skin, long hair, short hair, curly hair, blond hair, red hair, brown hair, black hair, blue eyes, green eyes, brown eyes, hazel eyes, taller, medium, smaller -

• it doesn't just have to be about recognising differences and similarities associated with ethnicity (which is fine, I've got red hair because I've got red hair, just like my nephew has dark brown hair - and I have freckled skin due to my ethnic mix, whereas he has darker skin, due to his ethnic mix), it is also a way to learn other skills that children need to develop for everyday life - observation, recognising differences in groups, pattern recognition, making eye contact; bigger and smaller is needed for mathematics, it gives ways to describe people, developing literacy and vocabulary, etc.

As it is, so your DC has darker skin than other children. But what other groups was he in? The taller group? The blue eyed group? The short haired group? That shows that we all have differences and we all have similarities. Which is great. It's not about teaching the class that your DC is different to them because of ethnicity - it's about teaching them skills they need in a way they can easily understand them and that everybody is different in some way, but there are also many other similarities.

MichonnesBBF actually if that's what it was for, then I think I'd be ok with that. I think the context is the key thing here to know whether OP is being reasonable to feel uncomfortable about it.

I agree more context is needed.

This isn't a negative OP your son is questioning you, answer him positively and honestly, he is an amazing young man in recognising he is an individual.

MitziK has delved futher into the reasoning of the activity when explaining how learning can be taken further involving core subjects.

If he's 4 then he should have a basic understanding of race and skin colour and he should certainly know what colour his own skin is! As should all the children.

Pretending children don't notice differences doesn't help them - it just gives them the impression isn't something you can't talk about.

Depends on the context.

But at this age I feel they have no concept of race and colour so why would they feel the need to point it out?

I think you might be kidding yourself about that. I remember noticing these things.

Especially during my kindergarten's 'culture weeks'.

Maybe a maths lesson on sorting. Sets and subsets. Some will have blue eyes and dark hair. Some blue eyes and blonde hair. They’ll be in one set the same and also a different one. If there’s only one person with green eyes they’ll be in a subset on their own, but in a group with others. Your DS might be in one group on his own, but in others with several.

My DS came home and kept looking in the mirror asking why he was in that group and asking if he has 'dark skin'. AIBU to feel uncomfortable about this? My H seems to think I am. I can understand that the school may be trying to teach a we are different but the same sort of concept. But at this age I feel they have no concept of race and colour so why would they feel the need to point it out?

Was something negative said to him about having dark skin?

Was he also asking why he was in the group with straight hair or curly hair? Or the group with blue eyes or brown eyes?

I think I’d want more context - I’m not sure I think sorting children by physical characteristics is a good idea anyway.

My DS came home and kept looking in the mirror asking why he was in that group and asking if he has 'dark skin'.
Surely the answer to that is yes, he does. Has he never looked in a mirror/seen a photo of himself before?? This could be a good opportunity to discuss different ethnicities with him, maybe teach him about how the climate in different countries caused people to develop different characteristics etc. Teach him to be proud of his skin rather than trying to deny it

I am sure that there would have been a perfectly sensible objective behind the exercise and it would NOT have been the teacher being racist or exclusionary (is that a word?)

I’d want to know more about the context of the lesson.

And also - ” But at this age I feel they have no concept of race and colour” - children may not understand the deeper issues of racism, cultural differences etc at this age, but they do notice physical differences between them and other children.

Probably a maths exercise for grouping objects.

It’s such a shame that we can’t celebrate differences. I totally understand your concern but why is dark skin being interpreted as bad in your mind? It’s a positive attribute. I would absolutely love to be dark skinned. Being a red skinned rosacean has destroyed my life.

Maybe you could reframe it with your child and then have a quiet word with the school.

Context is key here.

We did an exercise in our similarities and our differences - the children picked the 4 categories themselves. They went with eye colour, hair colour, height and skin colour. It was to show that we're all the same but different and individual at the same time.

Of course 4 year olds see colour and race. They are 4, not stupid!

Has he never looked in a mirror/seen a photo of himself before?

Dark is a relative term - standing on his own, he just has skin. It's only when he's compared to all his white friends that his skin colour takes on the quality of 'dark'. If he were compared with a different group of kids, his skin colour might be considered light.

If he's in a predominantly white community, he might only now be realising that he's different (or might have heard comments previously) and it may well be that most of the other groups (hair colour, eye colour, etc) were quite evenly distributed but that skin colour meant there was a huge group of white kids and just a couple with 'dark skin' on their own, which can't have felt good.

It sounds hugely insensitive to use race as one of the differentiating factors in that environment and I'd definitely be talking to the school to find out more.

My 4 year old reception ds has been learning all about bodies at school, they have been looking at different characteristics too. They are not pointing out dark skin specifically, they are looking at the body as a whole thats all.

More context is needed. But yeah, that’d make me feel uncomfortable. Why the division? Let kids be kids. Sure they see colour but they don’t care. Why now start teaching division? Do it when they’re old enough to understand and celebrate/respect how much humans can differ. (6/7?)Especially if he’s the only dark one.

It will be looking at differences and similarities within the class - how many children are blonde, how many wear glasses, how many have long/short hair and so on. Skin colour will be one of a load of characteristics in the exercise, and not treated any differently to having brown hair, or green eyes.