AIBU not to contribute to a crowd-funding request?

[Patnotpending]

I've been asked to contribute to a crowd-funder to send a woman to the US for treatment at an 'amazing' hospital run by a former surgeon who seems to specialise in treating people who have been given only a few months to live. The patient has a cancer that has a very poor prognosis. She has a 1 in 4 chance of surviving a year and a 6 in 100 chance of living for five years. Apparently the US hospital specialises in treatments not available on the NHS but it's not clear what they are.

I've known other people who have died while spending all their money on quack and alternative therapies after refusing what the NHS has to offer and I absolutely hate the charlatans involved. I would really rather give some money to a charity that supports women and children – vaccinations for children or the Addis Ababa Fistula Hospital, for example. My partner tells me I'm being unkind and I should give £20 and then forget about it. I really don't want a penny of my money going to some quack who preys on the vulnerable. AIBU to refuse?

I gave those NHS figures as an indication of how poor her prognosis was. Her type of cancer is one of those that at the moment can't be cured and which has one of the lowest life expectancies. Just for contrast, if you have breast cancer you have a 78% (nearly 4 out of 5) chance of surviving 10 years after treatment.

OP given what you've said - that your niece is struggling for money herself and has given £1000 - in your shoes I'd be a definite no to donating and I'd be concentrating my energies into worrying about the vulnerability of my niece.

YANBU OP. I knew someone who was diagnosed with an incurable disease, with a 5 year survival rate of almost 0%.

They spent most of the time they had left travelling abroad for expensive, completely unproven, treatment (partly funded by gofundme crowd funding) which at times made them more unwell and took them away from their children for days and weeks at a time, and they died within the average time frame anyway, several hundred thousand pounds worse off.

I feel very strongly that these unethical, unscrupulous charlatans, who promise miracles and feed off the desperation of the dying, are the lowest of the low, and we should not be donating money to them.

I think it might be unkind not to donate at all

What if the OP hasn't got any money to do so? She doesn't even know this woman.

I'm a member of a local Facebook page. Recently there was a link to a gofundme page for the family of a young man who died as a result of knife crime. The link said it was to help with funeral costs. When I clicked the link the target amount was £16,000.
I have recent experience of planning two funerals in this neighborhood, and £3-6000 is the cost of a decent send off depending on whether it's cremation or burial.
I wasn't surprised to see "only" £1500 had been donated long after the appeal ended.

Crooked clinics promising the world to people who are hopelessly ill are ten a penny.

Crowdfunding only succeeds in lining their pockets.

The NHS is pretty shit though. It’s a bit ridiculous to assume that because something isn’t offered on the NHS it isn’t real medicine.

Sorry, but I wouldn’t be donating anything. Let alone a three figure sum.

@Velveteenfruitbowl the NHS might not be perfect, but anyone with an ounce of sense would ask why there was only one random clinic in the whole world offering this 'cure' - if it was really true surely it would be widely available on a mainstream health service somewhere in the world?

It's extremely naive and dangerous to think that just because the NHS isn't perfect, that people should spend their life savings+++ for treatment at an unproven 'clinic' on the other side of the world.

I wouldn't donate, and if you BF thinks you should I assume he has generously donated

I mean it’s very sad obviously, but a three figure sum? Sorry, but that rings massive alarm bells to me.

Yanbu. Like a lot of people I have dc to care for and feed, clothe etc .
I'll be damned if I give my hard earned money to somebody chasing an unachievable dream( Plus I don't like public begging anyway)

I would be interested to know if an American team have agreed that they can do the treatment that may extend life. Also what are the side effects of these treatments? I ask as my DH is getting cancer treatment in the UK and all cancers are different and some new treatments are not an option due to the type of cancer. Like immunotherapy and proton beam treatment. I am always cautious about this view of adding a few months to someones life which could simply be months of agony and pain. I wouldn’t be giving a donation without a full understanding of the above..... I appreciate it’s a desperate time as we are going through the nightmare ourselves

I would not give any money to someone I have no actual connection with. My charitable contributions are for organisations close to my heart and for which I have seen first-hand what the money is spent on. Cancer treatment fundraiser appeals seem to attract a really high number of chancers and fraudsters among them. You are seen as heartless and cruel if you question and seek some evidence. The main reason, I would not contribute to such crowdfunding would be similar to OP. I cared for someone very close to me who had among one of the most aggressive cancers that spread through all major organs and bones. They were given a very bad prognosis fairly early on but did not want to accept it. Sadly, it exposed an underbelly of society that unscrupulously prays on the desperate. It’s become quite a large industry to peddle hope to those with end stage cancer.

No way would I donate that amount to someone I have zero connection with. Maybe if I was rich I would be really altruistic and throw money at 'good' causes but the average person can't afford that and your niece has a right cheek asking you! Share the page to FB and all that and let people choose to donate but to actually ask and specify a figure.... noooooooo!

I would give my best friends mum 1k if I had it and she was in that situation so I don’t think that’s unusual. Time with a dying parent is more valuable than money.

Maybe OP would reconsider and do the same too. Except it's not her best friend's mum who is ill.

I would consider giving £20 in the circumstances but your niece asking you to donate a three figure sum to a total stranger is the height of cheek. Unless of course @Patnotpending is last week's £170m lottery winner.

A three figure sum to a nieces-best-friend’s-mum? Not going to happen, even if it was a complete cure and not just adding a few months on to their life.

I know this sounds harsh, but we all die at some point, some of us find out when we’re going to die and some of us don’t, but begging for £££ of strangers money to add a few months on to your life wouldn’t be how I’d want to spend my remaining time on earth. Quality of life is more important than quantity in my opinion.

I support two local charities via monthly standing order, anyone asks for donations for anything else I just tell them straight that I have my chosen charities and I dont support anything else. I stand firm, believe it or not it's fine to say no, try it, its liberating

You’re right babybel90 you do sound harsh.

Why is everybody jumping on the “it’s a scam” bandwagon? You have no way of knowing, but perhaps it’s easier to want to believe that then believe there are treatments that the NHS doesn’t fund.

Which there are by the way, my mum has stage 4 cancer and was on a gene therapy trial based in the US through her NHS doctor so there’s some evidence for you.

Don’t dontate OP but also don’t come here to make yourself feel better about it.

@Gobbolino7825 I missed the bit where she said there was only one clinic in the world offering it. But even in that instance it might just be a very expensive treatment and therefore not widely available. Or it might be tailored to this specific type of cancer and the cancer might be very rare. There could be all sorts of reasons. It may also be a IP issue. The techniques or technology might have been developed in this clinic. If they decided not to sell to big pharma the deliver of this technique will be limited by the cost of getting it approved overseas/setting up more clinic in the US vs the demand for the treatment (which as previously discussed may be quite limited). It may not be commercially viable to offer it more widely without a large portfolio of drugs to mitigate the risk that it may not be in high demand once approved elsewhere.

@littlejal sorry for your mum, were you crowd funding for her?

Wow, @littlejalapeno, you've certainly got some bite! If this was a formal trial being organised through the NHS I wouldn't be posting here – but it's not. I have no idea what it is, but the fact that they don't name the clinic or the treatment despite my requests for more info raises rather than reduces my concern.

Can anyone tell me whether, if a crowd-funding appeal fails to reach its target in a given time, the money goes back to those who've donated or not? There's just under a fortnight to go on this one and they've raised less than 30% of the target. Presumably if they can't raise enough then the patient won't be able to go to the US for treatment and so the money should, technically, be returned. My niece seems to have been caught up in the drama and emotion of the situation and I'm worried about the consequences for her.

My sympathy and best wishes to those who are going through something similar themselves at the moment, or supporting a partner or friend or family member in this situation. It's shit and I entirely understand the urge to find something, anything, that can offer hope.

YANBU. I wouldn’t donate in this instance. (I have links to a developing country and give to very poor people myself. That way I know where the money is going).

Here’s Crowdfunder’s policy OP:

1. What happens if I don't reach my project target?

All or Nothing – If you don't hit your project target, the money pledged will be refunded to your supporters. Your supporters will receive an email informing them that the project has not reached its target and that they will receive this refund. You will not be charged any fees if an 'All or nothing' project does not reach target.

Keep what you raise – You will receive any funds pledged on your project regardless of whether you reach your target or not. Your supporters will receive an email informing them that the project has closed.

www.crowdfunder.co.uk/guides/faq/project-owner

It’s so hard to imagine what they are going through. When you’re sick you’ll try anything