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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a 40yo man taking pictures of himself kissing his friends 13yo daughter on the lips is creepy as hell

52 replies

Mightlynightowl · 13/10/2019 00:58

Somebody I know who is a dodgy individual in general (criminal history, drug user etc) has a long-term close friendship with a woman with children, he (in his words) is very close to said children too.

However i've just seen a picture on SM of him kissing the 13yo on the lips, looking like a loved up couple.

Even more disturbing is the fact that the pose/kiss shot is exactly the same as one he had on SM before, with a girlfriend of his own age. I'm sure you can picture the type of photo I mean.

Both heads turned toward one another, both sets of lips pouting, camera (held by him) placed in front of their face to capture the kiss.

Out of all the children he shows clear preferential treatment toward the 13yo girl too.

Thoughts?

Clearly I'm the only one IRL who finds this bizarre as nobody has batted an eyelid and the mother obviously doesn't mind.

OP posts:
MaitlandGirl · 13/10/2019 01:00

I’d be screenshotting it and forwarding it to every agency possible. Poor girl, what a disgusting man.

Original poster
Mightlynightowl · 13/10/2019 01:02

I'm massively concerned that the mother doesn't see it as an issue, as to me it looks like hiding in plane sight.

Most abuse happens by trusted family members and family friends.

As a mother of girls I can't fathom being ok with this regardless of how close a friend the man was.

OP posts:
BravoStrong · 13/10/2019 01:03

I agree with @MaitlandGirl. This is horrible and more than likely grooming at the very least.

Original poster
Mightlynightowl · 13/10/2019 01:05

It's on open social media for all (including the mother to see) how on earth is she comfortable with this

OP posts:
rededucator · 13/10/2019 01:05

Is it a photo you'd gave with your child or patent? If the answer is no then it's inappropriate. Screenshot, report, flag, report, report.

rededucator · 13/10/2019 01:06

Is it a photo you'd have with your child or patent? If the answer is no then it's inappropriate. Screenshot, report, flag, report, report.

Original poster
Mightlynightowl · 13/10/2019 01:08

Absolutely not a photo I would take with any of my children and I'm quite a "cuddly" mum.

The thought of any of my adult male friends taking photographs like that with my adolescent daughter makes my skin crawl.

It's clear that the mother thinks alot of the man and I suspect her view is clouded by that fact.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mightlynightowl · 13/10/2019 01:17

I've SS'd the picture.

Happy to send it to people here (after I've obscured their identities obviously) so you can tell me whether you think it's appropriate or not given the nature of the relationship.

I actually feel quite sick

OP posts:
shiveringtimber · 13/10/2019 01:20

That is disgusting and terrifying in equal measure.

WhatTiggersDoBest · 13/10/2019 01:30

Ewwwww red flag red flag red flag! Download the pic(s) and send it (and a covering letter with date, where you saw it e.g. Facebook, names and addresses of everyone involved etc) to the girl's school safeguarding officer, social services and anyone else who can get involved over something like this! They may already be watching the family but if not I'm pretty sure they'd want to investigate this.

Longlongsummer · 13/10/2019 01:32

Yep pass this on to a safeguarding person.

Mightlynightowl · 13/10/2019 01:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 13/10/2019 01:34

If the photo makes you feel uncomfortable that is all the justification you need ti report it to somebody in safeguarding. Seriously, that's what people ego work with vulnerable adults and children are taught, if it makes you uncomfortable or you'e not sure, report it. It's not for you or any of us to decide if action should be taken, it's up to you to report it to somebody who can decide that. Xxx

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 13/10/2019 01:36

Please get admin to remove that image, even though it's edited.

That makes me uncomfortable - I'd 100% report that to a designated safeguarding lead or social services.

Original poster
Mightlynightowl · 13/10/2019 01:37

I will be forwarding it to safeguarding, I just wanted to be absolutely sure I wasn't over reacting as I know some families are just more "lovey" than others but I just can't accept it as harmless.

Will get mnhq to take the photo down too.

OP posts:
Derbee · 13/10/2019 01:38

Definitely report to relevant agencies. He should be watched, and she should be on the radar of people who can protect her

Original poster
Mightlynightowl · 13/10/2019 01:40

The main reason I was in conflict with myself was because the mother knows (was there at the time) and can see it on SM and doesn't give one single shit.

I second guessed my thought process like "how can i be alarmed and she isn't, maybe I'm over reacting"

OP posts:
Queenoftheashes · 13/10/2019 01:41

R Kelly much

Queenoftheashes · 13/10/2019 01:41

Yes shit parents are probably one of the things groomers look for

Original poster
Mightlynightowl · 13/10/2019 01:42

I can see MN has hidden the picture, thank you

I shouldn't have posted it, though for anyone reading and wondering then I did obscure both of their faces

OP posts:
Fallingirl · 13/10/2019 02:09

Groomers usually groom parents/friends/whole families, not just the child. It is devastatingly effective.

So the mother not minding doesn’t suggest all is well, it just suggests he got to her first.

zeddybrek · 13/10/2019 02:13

This is awful, actually made me feel sick.

Please help this poor girl. It makes me wonder if he thinks he can get away with this in public then what must going on behind closed doors.

Italiangreyhound · 13/10/2019 02:42

Report. Definitely.

Derbee · 13/10/2019 02:56

The fact that the mother isn’t concerned, is more of a reason to report it yourself. The mother may well be being groomed by him

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 13/10/2019 04:20

I didn't see the photo but if it makes you feel uncomfortable then definitely report.

The fact that the girls mum is fine with it could be down to any number of factors. I definitely wouldn't use that as a reason not to report.