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Original poster

To think don't keep taking my drink at work?

896 replies

openitsoicanseeyousmile · 12/10/2019 15:34

I'm known to bring a can of drink in everyday for lunch. It's kept in the shared fridge at work - Everyone knowns it's mine as there's a little section box for each person with their name on.

A colleague of mine is pregnant and for the third time has taken my drink and not bothered replacing it. When questioned, she says something along the lines of "Sorry! Bad sickness. This helps. I'll get a new one for you tomorrow".

She always does, it's there the following day. But it means having to go out at lunchtime to get another one. The local shop is only 2 minutes away but it means eating up time I don't have since I have 30 minutes lunch.

I'm really not sure how to go about it. If it was the usual person, I'd tell them to stop the cheek and buy their own to bring in! But she's pregnant and suffering from sickness. I had HG with my son so I feel awful at the thought of telling her she can most certainly never take from me again without asking Sad

I remember the horrendous feeling of needing something sweet and fizzy to curve the sickness and it did often help, so I imagine it's very helpful to her.

Perhaps I should buy a multipack and suggest she goes half's so we can both enjoy them during the week? Or is this too doormat like?

I'm really not sure how to go about it. I don't think she thinks she's being cheeky in the slightest, and is an otherwise lovely colleague.

What would you do? I usually have no issues being assertive but I feel as if the lines have been blurred.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
custardbear · 16/10/2019 10:48

Honestly I'm convinced she's faking it all for a power play - don't play into it. SHE caused all the dramas and problems,
Not you, all she needed to do was take her own drinks and not rely on stealing other people's drinks ..... every day! She's unreasonable, don't let me make you feel bad. If she dares say anything about her cramping being your fault or stress st work etc just ask her what stress? She mentions you and the drink then tell her straight, your pregnancy doesn't mean you get to ride roughshod over everyone and everything, so her stress is her own making for her own sense of self entitlement
What a fucking Liberty Wink

custardbear · 16/10/2019 10:50

Listen to @Drum2018 also - miscarriage isn't due to a small spat (of your own creating) ... there would literally be no babies in this world if that was the case

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 16/10/2019 10:51

0h op. Don't let her drag you into a drama. She's unfortunately very skilled in game playing it seems. Write down everything that has happened so far, sticking to facts only and keep it just in case. Then just stop putting your drinks in the fridge for now, you shouldn't have to but it will stop her in her tracks.

Loyaultemelie · 16/10/2019 10:51

Doesn't help with the things going or not going wrong with the pregnancy part but get yourself a Chillys bottle for your desk they are the only one I've found really keeps stuff cold cold for hours. No cans to steal if you've poured it in before work and nobody knows what you are drinking

Encyclo · 16/10/2019 10:57

If this woman has faked issues with her pregnancy purely to guilt you into giving her your drink, then she's in need of more than a fizzy drink every day.

I would be afraid of Karma paying me back for playing so fast and loose with my pregnancy if I was her.

snowball28 · 16/10/2019 11:03

Second the chilly bottle idea, I have two for when I’m on nights and it genuinely keeps things boiling hot or ice cold. Decant your drink into it and ignore her very existence.

Also if she has had a mc (doubtful) it’s not because you asked her nicely to stop stealing your drink, that’s not how it works.

pemberlyshades · 16/10/2019 11:12

This woman is totally batshit. What a weird thing to fixate a power struggle on. Rise above OP and shake your decoy can I pity her a bit, she is very pathetic indeed.

crosspelican · 16/10/2019 11:22

It's so bizarre that she would up the ante like that. But still, easily solved with the cool bag suggestion. Pain in the arse, but she obviously doesn't have a normal filter for this stuff.

Drymouth · 16/10/2019 11:29

Or just don't bring in a drink for the next day or two. Break her habit of talking it. She might steal someone else's or go without, either way...she won't be bothering you.

Keep a nice cold can in your fridge at home for a post work treat.

Wonkybanana · 16/10/2019 11:29

OP I think the time has come when you have to stop putting your drink in the fridge. No you shouldn't have to, and yes she's a thief. But it's become a game of cat and mouse, even if it's not much fun for you. You may be morally right but it's getting to a point where I think sticking to your principles could be accused of setting her up. I know that's not your motive but it is feeding the drama.

A cheap cool bag and a couple of ice packs from the pound shop will keep your drink just as cold as if it had been in the fridge. And then it's over. No more shenanigans from her.

If your house had been burgled, you'd add extra security. You wouldn't leave everything as it was and say 'but it's the burglar's fault for being there, so why should I have to make changes?'. Same principle, you do what you can to avoid a repeat.

EspressoX10 · 16/10/2019 11:35

I'd definitely not discuss this with colleagues. I think that's the absolute worst course of action.

I agree with PP - make sympathetic noises about her situation if/when appropriate and don't get sucked into the weird drama seeking soap opera.

SingaporeSlinky · 16/10/2019 11:36

Have you spoken to the colleague that helped her out? I’d be having a word with them, explain that CF has been stealing your cans and how odd you found it that she asked for something ‘cold and sweet’, which just so happened to be your drink yet again. Surely if CF knows she ‘needs’ one every day, she needs to bring her own.

I think management will find it all a bit petty to be drawn into, but since she has admitted it’s her, I can’t think what else to do, other than keep your can in a cool bag on your desk. If you wrote your name in marker pen on the can, would anyone pull CF up on it when they saw her drinking it? The whole thing is just bizarre, all for a free can of fizz.

Assuming she comes back to work, I’d probably email her again and say you’re finding this very petty on her part and that she needs to buy her own drinks, and pregnancy is no excuse. Also, you’re not sure why she keeps bringing up your previous pregnancy sickness, since you never stole things.

Is she holding some sort of grudge against something you did / didn’t do while you were pregnant, since she’s mentioned it a few times?

Encyclo · 16/10/2019 11:36

How pregnant is she? She might not be back until after her baby is born now.

You may have unwittingly provided her with an out and she might milk this all the way to the end of Mat leave.

If that's the case your drink is yours again.

timeisnotaline · 16/10/2019 11:37

I just can’t see how the op gets out of it well by continuing the drinks conflict. Let’s see when she comes back. I would just hide my drink and go without that day and do without for a week or go get one at lunch if you can’t bring yourself to cold bag. It’s bloody annoying and she is a nutcase.

WomensRightsAreContraversial · 16/10/2019 11:41

She brought the wrong flavour replacement because that's probably the only flavour they had in the shop she visited

Nope. She brought pineapple in, the OP had grape in the fridge at the same time, and later on mysteriously OP's grape had gone and pineapple been put in her box.

frazzledasarock · 16/10/2019 11:46

When you say she’s pregnant how pregnant, is it noticeable?

We don’t need to produce any documentation of pregnancy at work till we get the Mat B1, which is pretty far along in pregnancy.

Do work require a doctors note for sickness leave?

I’m feel quite cynical at the sudden off sick with a dramatic cryptic message to one person.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 16/10/2019 11:47

She’s full of shit.

She manufactured that situation and today she’s done the equivalent of Facebook checking into hospital and then radio silence. It’s all done to create maximum concern and sympathy for her so that no one feels able to pull her up over her behaviour.

She’s good, I’ll give her that.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 16/10/2019 11:55

This is all getting a bit silly now.

Don't tell people you're afraid that you're the cause of her having to go to hospital

Don't file a fucking grievance at work over a drink - you'll look batshit

Stop leaving your drink in the fridge

Be seen to be drinking "water" from a coloured bottle

Problem solved!

Seriously - doing anything else just means you're actively engaging with the crazy. Which is how she's really "winning".

You'll know when you're "winning" because she won't be drinking your drink every day 🤷‍♀️

Lockheart · 16/10/2019 11:56

Honestly OP you need to stop putting your drink in the fridge. I know you want a cold drink and I know you shouldn't have to but it's clear she's not going to stop nicking it out of the goodness of her heart so you're going to have to cut off her physical access to it. What's worse, a slightly warmer drink than usual or her stealing your drink?

As other posters have said, a small cool bag with a couple of ice packs is the way to go.

Don't get your colleagues involved or start playing any games like rubbing chilli on it or shaking it well, things like that will only serve to make you look like the bad guy. Just make sure she can't get your drink.

sauvignonblancplz · 16/10/2019 12:00

This woman is all kinds of crazy- I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this.

Just to play her at her own vindictive game and try and get a head of her . Bring in a multipack- day awk since you weren’t well I got you these , they should keep you going.
Before you leave for the weekend, say relax have a lovely weekend, tell her where to buy the drinks and explain you won’t tolerate yours being taken.

That gives you a week to breathe, you’re not the bad guy (you are not and have never been) but you’re a step ahead of her none sense .

bobsyourauntie · 16/10/2019 12:01

OP, she may or may not be having problems with the pregnancy, but if she is, it will not be your fault.

I know it is annoying, but you need to stop this in its tracks now. Do not communicate with her in any way so you can't be accused of bullying. Either don't bring a drink in for a while, or keep it under you desk in a coolbag so that it can't be seen.

I know that she is at fault and I know that you shouldn't have to do this, but I worry that she will use it against you and pull the "poor little pregnant me being bullied by OP" card.

She is responsible for her pregnancy and any symptoms. If she knows she will need snacks or drinks, then she should bring them.

You do need to discuss this calmly and clearly with your bosses, and also point out that whilst it may be "only" a drink, that you are not responsible for her, she is stealing from you and it is no different to say taking a £1 coin from your desk every day.

The bosses need to take action, if they don't want to approach her directly, then they can issue a memo etc, saying that personal property of staff including food and drinks must not be touched and will be treated as theft.

Her behaviour yesterday was despicable and designed so that she got what she wanted and you did not feel able to say no.

Please, for your own sake, just stop putting the drinks in the fridge at the moment.

HeavyChopping · 16/10/2019 12:05

Wow, OP. This woman is relentless. I think as soon as she lets people know she's OK (because I will bet my house that she and the baby are both absolutely fine) you need to start spreading the word about this in your office. Do you have a close colleague who you could mention this to and get them to help enlighten your other colleagues?

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 16/10/2019 12:06

Why should the OP buy her anything? That's just rewarding her with giving her what she doesn't want to buy herself. Seriously OP, you cannot change her or her behaviour. There's no point anyone suggesting what she should do, or where to buy the drinks. She knows exactly where to buy them. Just stop leaving your drink where she has access to it. You probably should have done it after the first tone, but definitely after the second time. The fact that this is going on for nearly 2 weeks makes it sound like a bad comedy sketch.

Just stop giving her access to your drink. Either stop bringing it in (you're not getting to drink it anyway) or keep it at your desk, is your drawer, in a coolerbag.

fridgegrazer · 16/10/2019 12:15

Yes, buy a Chilly's water bottle - you can put fizzy drinks in them as long as you don't do the lid up too tight and they stay cold for up to 24 hours. I take them to school with fizzy water it (the kids aren't allowed fizzy drinks but I love fizzy water so I disguise it in the bottle, they haven't twigged yet). Cheaper bottles aren't as good though - I've tried.

But I agree, it's iniquitous that you should have to go to these lengths and she is a complete and utter CF.

Mephisto · 16/10/2019 12:16

Decanting into a bottle isn’t the same as cracking open a fresh can.

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