To think don't keep taking my drink at work?

[openitsoicanseeyousmile]

I'm known to bring a can of drink in everyday for lunch. It's kept in the shared fridge at work - Everyone knowns it's mine as there's a little section box for each person with their name on.

A colleague of mine is pregnant and for the third time has taken my drink and not bothered replacing it. When questioned, she says something along the lines of "Sorry! Bad sickness. This helps. I'll get a new one for you tomorrow".

She always does, it's there the following day. But it means having to go out at lunchtime to get another one. The local shop is only 2 minutes away but it means eating up time I don't have since I have 30 minutes lunch.

I'm really not sure how to go about it. If it was the usual person, I'd tell them to stop the cheek and buy their own to bring in! But she's pregnant and suffering from sickness. I had HG with my son so I feel awful at the thought of telling her she can most certainly never take from me again without asking

I remember the horrendous feeling of needing something sweet and fizzy to curve the sickness and it did often help, so I imagine it's very helpful to her.

Perhaps I should buy a multipack and suggest she goes half's so we can both enjoy them during the week? Or is this too doormat like?

I'm really not sure how to go about it. I don't think she thinks she's being cheeky in the slightest, and is an otherwise lovely colleague.

What would you do? I usually have no issues being assertive but I feel as if the lines have been blurred.

Thing is.... bitches get pregnant too, and they are exactly the sort to milk their condition for all it's worth as if they've accomplished an amazing and unique feat which must be regularly acknowledged by all. I'm not disputing for one second that pregnancy can be physically challenging for some women, of course it can, but from all you've said about this ridiculous business I suspect that the real problem here is that at some point in the recent past you unwittingly failed to show enough wonderment, praise and deference to her newly blossoming state and from that moment on, your card was marked. By stealing your drink without any explanation or apology, she is, in effect seeking the attention she thinks she's owed for her pregnancy. As if pregnancy absolves you of basic responsibility and consideration.

As others have said, this has now turned into manipulative and sly bullying. She wants to get one over on you and the pregnancy is her shield - both at a personal level (because most of us have a default reaction of concern towards pregnant women, as in the example of your other colleague yesterday) and a professional one (because, quite rightly, there are hard won protections for pregnant women in the workplace meaning most employers will naturally tread very carefully when disputes arise). Obviously this doesn't make her attitude acceptable or right but it could backfire nastily on you depending on how clued in and supportive your manager is. It would infuriate me too and make me very resentful but if I felt at risk myself of bullying accusations, I'd back off and sacrifice buying the drink I liked so she'd literally have nothing to steal and /or make a drama out of. Just please watch your back, she sounds very devious and spiteful.

Did she show up for work today?

I don't agree with involving work, or other colleagues.
The very simple solution is to stop putting your stuff in the fridge.....should you have to do this? No of course not. But it will stop this game playing immediately, I think this woman is trying to draw the OP into a much bigger drama and conflict here. Do you really want to be the person who raised a grievance over a can of drink?

I work bloody hard, and a nice cold Can is a very nice little highlight to my day. I don't see why I should stop at all, this ridiculous, entitled behaviour is only winning if I allow her to change what I consume

Drum No, she did not. She sent a text to a colleague last night saying 'things aren't looking good'.

Colleague promptly rang her and texted her but has got no reply at all. Not sure what's going on. Nobody knows where she is or if she's still at the hospital.

Everyone in the office has been extremely worried for her this morning

I work bloody hard, and a nice cold Can is a very nice little highlight to my day. I don't see why I should stop at all, this ridiculous, entitled behaviour is only winning if I allow her to change what I consume

You shouldn't have to at all - but then you need to front the issue head on and tell her she's taking the piss and needs to get her own drinks. There isn't really any other way to make it stop.

I hope she's ok, but blimey what a cow she is!!

She sent a text to a colleague last night saying 'things aren't looking good'

If she is faking symptoms for sympathy (who knows at this point, but I'd wager that it's a possibility) people will cotton on quite quickly.

She’s full of shit and playing your colleagues, in order to turn them against you. I guarantee she’ll tell them some bullshite story about you causing her stress and it affecting her baby. Sorry OP, but she’s out to get you.

If I were you, I’d preempt her and start a conversation about how bad you feel now about asking her to stop ‘continually’ taking your drinks. Say how you wonder if she has been unwell for a while and if that’s why she was doing such a strange thing such as taking your drinks so often. You should then suggest that all the staff take it in turns to buy her a multipack every week.

This stops her getting the chance to paint you as some horrible big bully. (We all know you’re not, but you know she’s planning on painting you as one). It lets them know she’s been pinching your drinks regularly AND it makes them resent the idea of parting with their own money. They will too, OP. If any of them are liable to think you’re being stingy or mean, the thought that they will have to go to the hassle of shopping for someone else and using their money to do it might make them think twice.

You have to beat her at playing the martyr, before she gets in first.

Hope she’s ok, not least because if she’s not, I wouldn’t put it past her to try and blame the OP for causing stress and anxiety or some such bollocks

Essential I'm not so sure.

I've worked in an office before where someone faked a cancer... He claimed numerous appointment times off and even a few weeks leave. It was all very convincing, people had no suspicions. Until a family member of his shed some light and we were told it was a complete lie.

It was a really horrible time - We had a very lovely team and nobody had to show evidence for appointments etc or proof that they needed time away if unwell, we just took their word and wished them well. After that we had to them introduce a strict policy

BTW, OP I worked with someone who played the vulnerable, emotional ever so high risk pregnancy card to manipulate others. She played her hand too often and got caught out, resulting in no one trusting a word that came out if her mouth. Women like her cause other pregnant women to suffer.

I’m sorry but at this stage I think you need to assume she’s telling the truth. Because if something does happen, you are going to feel absolutely horrendous about even thinking she was putting it on. I know you’re reluctant to change what you’re doing but I agree with all the previous posters who have said to use a coolbag for the next couple of weeks or whatever, or try a different drink. I think stubbornness is only going to make this worse. But please please don’t act like she’s pretending about this and especially don’t say anything to your colleagues about suspecting she’s lying.

Drum No, she did not. She sent a text to a colleague last night saying 'things aren't looking good'.

Colleague promptly rang her and texted her but has got no reply at all. Not sure what's going on. Nobody knows where she is or if she's still at the hospital.

Everyone in the office has been extremely worried for her this morning

I'm sure you don't wish her any actual ill, but I can't help being cynical. If there's no genuine cause for concern, she's very neatly diverting people's focus from her behaviour and lies by making sensationalist remarks. Like the stereotypical Mumsnet MIL who almost immediately suffers heart palpitations when attempts to go no contact are made

There's just something about the wording "Things aren't looking good" that just seems (to me, anyway) designed to maximise drama and cause concern. Why not say "I'm still in hospital for checks/because x/y/z isn't quite right, will be in touch when I can say more."

I had extreme morning sickness and all I could keep down was crisps. I would never have eaten anyone else’s crisps! She’s being rude. I’ve been through 2 pregnancies with extreme sickness and would never eat anyone’s lunch or drink anyone’s drink. Once could be forgiven but not this many times. Don’t be so nice to her and be blunt

At least your drink should be safe!

PLEASE do the raw chilli on a decoy can, as a pp suggested...

I work bloody hard, and a nice cold Can is a very nice little highlight to my day. I don't see why I should stop at all, this ridiculous, entitled behaviour is only winning if I allow her to change what I consume

You're not being unreasonable but right now she's got you over a barrel because she can and is using pregnancy as a weapon. She's already done the damage, in making you look bad for trying to refuse mild relief for the sake of a 60p can to a person so badly ill with her pregnancy that she had to go to hospital and whose pregnancy is now allegedly in danger. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, and nobody thinks that's related to a can of pop but right now the office thinks you're the bitch for trying to refuse her a bit of help.

So no, you shouldn't have to forego your nice cold can, but for reasons that are not your fault you're embroiled in this mess and it might be better tactics to avoid taking in a can for a while or to do the thing that so many of us keep suggesting; cold can, coolbag, icepack in it kept under your desk, cold can that won't get nicked, job done.

I agree with MrsGs you need to circumvent her drama. Tell your colleagues now that you’re concerned that pulling her up for her taking your drinks has made her poorly. Ask them if you should have done that. I guarantee they’ll get onside.

If you leave it until she’s back then she will control the narrative. Get in front of it.

She may or may not be exaggerating or upping the drama - but early pregancy (think you said she’s not too far along) is an anxious time so best to be the bigger person and give the benefit of the doubt.

(If I were her manager the time off for antenatal aqua combined with extra drama would make me suspicious as hell, but as it’s a legal obligation to not discriminate against pregnant workers she’s covered. You need to adopt that attitude too. Presumably she’s called in to her manager.)

Enjoy your ice cold can today if she’s not in.

Sympathise with her when she returns.

Take an ice pack if you really must drink a can but the easiest thing is to have a sudden health kick and only drink water from now on.

Surely she wouldn't fake all this over a drink!?

Tbh I don't reckon she's some manipulative genius, I think she just sounds like a lazy selfish woman.

She brought the wrong flavour replacement because that's probably the only flavour they had in the shop she visited - the same way OP couldn't find pineapple in the 2 she visited earlier.

She knows she should buy her own drinks but probably thinks she can get away with not bothering because she can pull the pregnancy card.

It's bizarre but I'm not sure whether you should be thinking any more into it OP, it would be a really weird vendetta is she was doing it spitefully.

Surely she wouldn't fake all this over a drink!?.

Ita not really over the drink. It seems like a power play and wanting people to be forces into treating like a goddess on earth for being her and/or pregnant.

I'd leave it for now ie not go to the boss or anything.

Once she's back, assuming all is OK (and I do hope it is), see what if anything she says to you and how she behaves.

I'd probably go to boss at that point and basically throw myself on their mercy; acknowledge that you can see how this might all seem trivial/imagined but that you can only tell it as you've experienced it. Maybe research in advance to see if your workplace has a policy on personal property/general good office behaviour that you can reference.

In practical terms, I would definitely get a lockable fridge box. Just been on Amazon and you can get see-through ones, which would be really tantalising for her

I agree with MrsGs you need to circumvent her drama. Tell your colleagues now that you’re concerned that pulling her up for her taking your drinks has made her poorly. Ask them if you should have done that. I guarantee they’ll get onside. If you leave it until she’s back then she will control the narrative. Get in front of it.

Completely agree with all of this.

Tell your colleagues now that you’re concerned that pulling her up for her taking your drinks has made her poorly. Ask them if you should have done that. I guarantee they’ll get onside

Do not do this. Why would you put yourself in a position of accepting any blame for her being off sick? Just voice your concerns the same way the others are doing, without mentioning anything you or anyone else may have done to add to this CF's dramas. Even if she miscarried, it won't have anything to do with the fact that you pulled her up for stealing your drinks. That's not how it works.