To ask why people in cities do this?

[Beyoncesmumsjeans]

We moved to a city last year. It's great, it's where I always thought I should be living after 31 years of living in the suburbs. I love that we open our door and there's hustle and bustle, people with shopping on the back of their bikes, pink hair, people arguing outside the Turkish barbers, students laughing. Yes there's high crime, yes I will be flipping terrified letting my kids out when they're teenagers but this is the life we wanted.
Now lots of parents I know are moaning about the class sizes, pollution, secondary schools being very big and (although they don't say) full of poor people. None of them were born in this city, they chose to move here when they were in their twenties, and then later when they wanted to be down the road from baby yoga and hemp sling stockists.
Essentially though, they want the small, very white village upbringing for their children that they had, but in the city For example when I speak to them about secondary schools they say they can't imagine sending their children to any of the local ones, with their huge intake from all walks of life, classes of 35 or so etc. They all say that they're going to move somewhere else by then, which is fair enough but why?
AIBU to think that you should just go with it if you love somewhere? Maybe I'm naive but what's the worst that could happen if you send your kid to an inner city secondary? I went to a normal comp in the suburbs and there were loads of drugs, sex was common from 12 onwards, teen pregnancy, kids brought knives in sometimes. There were rough kids, just because their houses backed onto a meadow, their mums were still crack heads and bought them cider to go to the park with.
In comparison my Childminder's sons go to the local secondary to me and they are so polite. They make their mum a full English and a cup of tea every Saturday morning at 14 and 17 years old.
Sorry if this doesn't make sense, I'm trying to build a playmobil zoo at the same time.

Cos they're twats. Inner city comps are fine.

Forgot to say hypocritical twats

I think some people are always looking for something to moan about.

And big inner city comps do sound a bit daunting if you have no experience of them.

Yup. What vulpine said. To each their own I suppose. Better class sizes if the twats move away.

All the inner city comps by me are “Good” or even “Excellent”. My kids have grown up fine here and are very good at using public transport rather than mums taxi and are probably more environmentally aware as a result. I don’t think they feel deprived.

@FriedasCarLoad I think a lot of them think that the alternative is better, when it might not be. So I come from the countryside that surround this city, which is where a lot of them are considering moving to. They do a quick drive through and see the green and think 'ooo this looks very nice!' They don't see the boredom, they don't see the drugs. Kids in the country are bored, there's nothing to do, one bus an hour if you're lucky, nowhere to go. We used to walk 45 minutes to stand outside our local cinema complex. We couldn't even afford to go see a film so we went and hung around the foyer, threw sweets at each other until security came along and then went and hung out under a bridge.
In comparison there's loads of stuff in the city to keep teens off the streets. Dance classes, free gym memberships, recording studios offer classes, coding classes etc. Usually free so the disadvantaged can access it too. It's brilliant!

People want a good school and environment for their kids. Some “inner city comps” are awful, others are not. I moved to the burbs for a better school for my dds. I went to an inner city school and I did well but I’d prefer that my dds were not around such behaviour issues and violence. Also that they go to a school where doing well is encouraged and doesn’t have to be hidden.

@zsazsajuju I went to a comp where doing well was played down. Even the teachers called us 'keeners' sometimes I think it was generational, it was Blair's Britain. It was Oasis era, anti-establishment type stuff. Being good at music or art was viewed as much more of an achievement than being academic. In fact I don't think the kid from my year who went to Oxbridge was even put in the newsletter!

I grew up I a city and there were no free things to do. Everything cost money so we did precisely nothing but wander the streets and be a pain the arse.

School was hideously conformist and individual got you bullied! That changed by the time I went to college but school was shit.

I'm in the countryside and I crave the hustle and bustle sometimes but on the whole we have a better lifestyle. Being outdoorsy is so much easier and feeling a connection with nature is something I believe helps you be a happier person. All my family back home see to do is shop which just isn't for me.

Apologies for the many many typos. I can't be bothered to correct them 😁

Bristol? 😂

Depends where in Bristol!

YABU by making a long and rambling post in whioh it's far from clear what your actual complaint/AIBU is

if you’re happy with your choice, why worry about what others do?

I dislike talking about location and school choices with friends and acquaintances: it’s easily avoided.

You don’t know what factors people may prioritise if/when they stay or move: you’re making assumptions.

Similarly you don’t know about their upbringings and are making assumptions.

I live in Hackney. Loads of people here seem to migrate to Buckinghamshire when their kids get to Year 5.
Each to their own but I think it would be dreadful.

I think it's because your priorities change when you have DC. Safety and good schools become more important than being able to walk to a posh bar or restaurant.

DH and I had great fun living in a lively and studenty area when we were first married. Five pubs within a few paces and a 20 min walk into the city centre. But the schools were awful so we moved to a naice area with great schools when DS was 1.

We like the suburbs. Tram to town when we want to. Short drive to the countryside. Local cinemas, restaurants and bars for us and the DC. Best of both worlds.

I live in the middle of a small city. I’m not sure I’d want to live in inner London, or the centre of another really big city like Birmingham or Manchester but I can’t quite put my finger on why. I definitely know I’d hate to live in commuter belt suburbia or somewhere rural, and wouldn’t want that for my children either. Cities give a level of independence. I was amazed when I went to university and met people who’d never got on a bus or a train before because they were from the countryside so had been ferried everywhere by their parents until they were old enough to get their own car.

I think it's because your priorities change when you have DC. Safety and good schools become more important than being able to walk to a posh bar or restaurant.

This. I also can't see why you are so bothered by other people's choices. They want to do something different to you. So what? You live your life and may your choices, they do the same.

Some inner city schools are rough. I went to a rough school, wouldn't wish it on anyone.

100% sounds like Bristol, then they all bugger off to Keynsham, Westbury and Pensford

Sorry I thought Mumsnet was the place for judgy, misinformed opinions, my mistake!

I went to a fairly rural secondary school, it was very rough.

I live in north London, I won’t be moving away when my son is secondary age, but I don’t particularly care if other people make a different choice.

Grass is greener?

I'm in the 'burbs now and also wish we were in the city! I guess, the one thing suburban life has going for it is space.

I lived in various big cities all my adult life, up until DH and I got married. Living right in the middle of Paris at one point, (Latin Quarter), was an absolute dream come true and I adored it. BUT, I always remember taking the RER out, from central Paris to the airport, to visit family at home and the feeling of pure relief when I saw open countryside, (ok maybe not rolling fields, but not the city either).

Obviously, subconsciously, I'd been longing for a bit of space and maybe that's what people really feel when they live in cities.

Some inner city schools are shit, but the rubbish ones near me are shit because of underfunding, poor management and burnt-out teachers - it's nothing to do with the socioeconomic/ethnic backgrounds of the pupils (there are also some very good schools in the same area).

I always feel rather sorry for kids whose parents have a fantastic time in their 20s and early 30s in London or another big city, then fuck off to the countryside or suburbs just when the kids are old enough to really enjoy living in a city themselves. We’ve had our fun, let’s go and live where it’s an hour on the bus or a grudging lift from us if you want to do anything.

(I live in the suburbs, but at least it’s a suburb of somewhere far more interesting than where I grew up )