To ask why people in cities do this?

[Beyoncesmumsjeans]

We moved to a city last year. It's great, it's where I always thought I should be living after 31 years of living in the suburbs. I love that we open our door and there's hustle and bustle, people with shopping on the back of their bikes, pink hair, people arguing outside the Turkish barbers, students laughing. Yes there's high crime, yes I will be flipping terrified letting my kids out when they're teenagers but this is the life we wanted.
Now lots of parents I know are moaning about the class sizes, pollution, secondary schools being very big and (although they don't say) full of poor people. None of them were born in this city, they chose to move here when they were in their twenties, and then later when they wanted to be down the road from baby yoga and hemp sling stockists.
Essentially though, they want the small, very white village upbringing for their children that they had, but in the city For example when I speak to them about secondary schools they say they can't imagine sending their children to any of the local ones, with their huge intake from all walks of life, classes of 35 or so etc. They all say that they're going to move somewhere else by then, which is fair enough but why?
AIBU to think that you should just go with it if you love somewhere? Maybe I'm naive but what's the worst that could happen if you send your kid to an inner city secondary? I went to a normal comp in the suburbs and there were loads of drugs, sex was common from 12 onwards, teen pregnancy, kids brought knives in sometimes. There were rough kids, just because their houses backed onto a meadow, their mums were still crack heads and bought them cider to go to the park with.
In comparison my Childminder's sons go to the local secondary to me and they are so polite. They make their mum a full English and a cup of tea every Saturday morning at 14 and 17 years old.
Sorry if this doesn't make sense, I'm trying to build a playmobil zoo at the same time.

(I live in the suburbs, but at least it’s a suburb of somewhere far more interesting than where I grew up)

yes, I have to keep telling myself this. Suburb of London is probably a bit more interesting for teenagers than coastal Ireland was for me.

Still though, I'd love to be able to afford go house us all in the city, but we genuinely can't .

Not everyone who lives in London in their 20s likes it though, some only go for the job opportunity. Plus people can like different things at different ages (night life vs more space etc)

I moved to London for work/DH but I never really enjoyed it...and DH knew that I wanted to move out by primary school age. We moved away when DS was 2.5. I don't miss it at all, DH does sometimes but tbh 90% of his friends have now moved out to the home counties so I think he just misses being 22!

I bought my kids up in London. Inner city schools let cal comp etc. Yes there were issues but you know what they turned out fine. My daughter l think though was only one in her friendship group to go uni. But that no bad thing. Both my kids well able to deal with all sorts of people. To travel anywhere without a handhold. As they were navigating bus and tube alone at young age. There are pros and cons to both lifestyle you do what best for you.
I now know be in a small costal town lots of young people here seem to never leave. They go to school get minimum wage job and settle down. I think l wouldn't like that for my kids.

They want the money you get in city areas. That's what I found about a lot of teachers. They moved here for the extra money and great nightlife and had no consideration for the people they'd have to teach who have always lived around here.

You don;t have to move to the suburbs though. We're in Bath which is a city but still country-like with good schools. Not sure about Bristol schools but hear they aren't that great to be honest (as they try to come to Bath / Keynsham instead even though it is quite a way)

Because beneath a thin veneer of liberalism some people are filled with tabloid fuelled fear and paranoia.

When you say 'people in cities' you mean 'middle class people like me in cities'. The people causing the issues in the comps that they wish to avoid are not thinking of moving out, because they can't afford to.

You are talking about middle class people with options and they want to raise their children with other middle class people. They can achieve that in toddlerhood even in the inner city by seeking out the right enclaves but that doesn't work at secondary school level.

Completely agree with you OP. And furthermore, people who choose to live in an inner-city area, but don't want traffic on the street where their DCs go to school - send it all down someone else's road!

totally know what you mean. I live where I grew up in London & the gentrification is astonishing. People love the diversity of the high street but will buy their falafel wrap from the overpriced new shop & never venture in the Turkish place that's been there yrs.
They denounce Brexiteers as racist but live on a street that is 99% white & send their kids to the school that is increasingly white.

I moved- my dc are now older and say it was right to get away from the city school- ex friends are on fb getting drunk at the weekends, whereas the mc kids at the leafy suburb school are playing sports.

It was a difficult dilemma at the time though.

some people are snobs, perhaps you are not.
people tend to separate into tribes.

I was thinking Bristol too. Except we're not even in Bristol (South Gloucestershire side of the border!) Tbf the local secondary is AWFUL. We'll be moving if dd doesn't get into her preferred school.

Depends on their age. ... if they are in their 40's like me, inner city schools were dire back then. Nobody wanted to live in the inner suburbs either.

@Beyoncesmumsjeans because surely it’s natural to want something different when you move to a city in your 20s, to what you want when you have children? I don’t think it’s necessarily a snobbish thing - I just think that those people who loved the hustle and bustle pre children suddenly realise that maybe the inner city isn’t the best place to raise a child, particularly if they have grown up somewhere rural and have fond memories?

I’m not saying it’s right to look down on inner city comps or anything like that but they do have far more social issues than your average rural school so I’m not surprised some people decide to move away when kids come along.

Am I missing something?

I think your talking about one person here. I don't know anyone like this.
But then we live in a poor area and no one knows anything else.

Nowhere is perfect. I live in a small market town. Lots of good things about it in many ways but there is a big drugs problem as there is not much for kids to do if they are not into outdoor activities and we are fairly close to a seaport where I guess lots of drugs are brought in. There is a veneer of middle class respectability but under the surface I am not sure the local schools etc are that much different to ones in the nearby cities. Wherever you choose to live there are pros and cons, so I dont know why some people feel so superior about their area.

Depends on the area I suppose.

We have a couple near us that have had a few kids skip off to join daesh, and a relative went to a third where his girlfriend OD-ed when she was about 14. So hardly ‘having a fag behind the bike sheds’ territory.

People seem to forget that a lot of children are born & raised in London & it's fine. There are good schools that aren't private & some of us even make it to university & good jobs. Sometimes I would like more space but the idea of being a teenager in the countryside seems dull & I would hate to be a taxi service. I'm very jealous that today teens have the option of the 24 hr tube & uber whereas I had to slum it on the night bus as a black cab was too pricy!

When I got to uni everyone was doing drugs & I felt my childhood growing up near Brixton was actually a bit sheltered!

I'm a teacher who has worked in two inner city comps in London. Both ranked good or outstanding by ofsted- one was amazing the other was truly horrendous (kids not actually safe there, no learning done). We moved out of London purely to get better schooling as it's just so very variable in the city and you can't always tell what a school is like unless you know someone who work there or who has sent a couple of children there recently.