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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to report this?

65 replies

Bitweird456 · 12/10/2019 00:10

Chatting to someone on a dating app which has full names. Was able to see he is a primary school teacher.

We were chatting about very light hearted stuff and I asked him a silly “would you rather” question - eg would you rather look like x animal or y animal.

He turned it around and asked if he could ask something weird. I said ok.

His question:
If no one would ever know, would you rather have sex with a 14 year old boy or an old woman?

I have blocked him. I do have his name and his details and I’m tempted to escalate this... I have screen shots.

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 12/10/2019 13:22

I'm also interested to know what dating app this is as I am not aware of any that have your full name on?

Mummyshark2018 · 12/10/2019 13:28

It was sort of weird for him to ask but you started that game and the aim is to shock people! Would you be as bothered if he wasn't a teacher (reportedly)?

NearLifeExperience · 12/10/2019 13:39

Quite apart from the fact that it may be someone else posing as him, he hasn't actually DONE anything wrong.
He didn't express a personal interest in sex with 14 YO boys, nor does he teach that age. There is nothing to suggest he's actually ever behaved with any impropriety towards any child.
His question was horrible and, in his position, very ill-advised, but he was probably just trying to shock.

ShirleyPhallus · 12/10/2019 13:44

“What would you rather” is a pretty lame game and certainly not an indication of him as a predator. Honestly you’ll look weirder if you report him.

I have a number of friends who are teachers who are always the biggest drinkers / most lairy on a night out.

Butchyrestingface · 12/10/2019 13:49

Would you rather have sex with a dog or a cat?

Imma gonna say dog, as I’m allergic to cats.

**

FunOnTheBeach20 · 12/10/2019 13:50

I think he was testing boundaries. You don’t say things like that unless you have an interest.

Butchyrestingface · 12/10/2019 13:51

You don’t say things like that unless you have an interest

That’s me fucked then. Grin. Good thing I don’t own a dog.

NearLifeExperience · 12/10/2019 13:54

awaits reports for bestiality

Exactly, Butchy it's ridiculous. He was doing a "lesser of two evils" choice, rather than a preference of two treats.
To those assuming he has an inappropriate interest in youngsters because of this, you must, by your own logic thing he also has an interest in old women too.

ShirleyPhallus · 12/10/2019 13:57

You don’t say things like that unless you have an interest.

Grin Good point. And given that OP asked him which animal he’d rather look like, he should assume that she’ll be shortly identifying as a Persian cat.

PlaceYourItemInTheBaggingArea · 12/10/2019 14:04

I wouldn't want him teaching my young daughters. Imagine him trying to give a lecture about appropriate behaviour when on-line.

Bellringer · 12/10/2019 14:08

Should have got screen shot. Never mind, yes report to safeguarding in education department. Ick.

NearLifeExperience · 12/10/2019 14:26

“Report!!” is the new LTB on mumsnet these days. Hmm

butterybiscuitbasic · 12/10/2019 14:31

It’s a fucking weird question - and there’s something about prepositioning it with “if no one would ever know” that makes is even creepier

ChibiTotoro · 12/10/2019 14:36

Report it online via Crimestoppers. They will pass it onto the relevant authorities who will look into it. It's totally anonymous so you don't need to worry about the possibility of it being linked back to you.

thebakerwithboobs · 12/10/2019 14:38

Putting my 'head teacher' hat on, yes, you should report it. PP is correct that if this is an isolated incident then it's unlikely to go anywhere but if he were on my teaching staff I would want to be aware. It shows, at the very least, a stunning lack of judgement on his part which I would like to address with him. It could, however, be a second or third report of things which aren't quite a concern in isolation but, when combined, might point to something more worrying. Reporting people isn't about having a witch hunt against them, it's more about making sure that we all take steps to keep others' safe.

DisappointingBanana · 12/10/2019 14:49

Report it online via Crimestoppers

For what crime, exactly? Asking a question that's in poor taste? Confused

Original poster
Bitweird456 · 12/10/2019 14:50

@Bellringer I do have screenshots

OP posts:
Original poster
Bitweird456 · 12/10/2019 14:52

Here

To want to report this?
OP posts:
Original poster
Bitweird456 · 12/10/2019 14:53

Tbh looking at it, it seems he had more of an intention to shock. Still weird though

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 12/10/2019 14:59

Again, intrigued as to which dating site this is

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 12/10/2019 15:01

He shouldn’t be working with kids.

Original poster
Bitweird456 · 12/10/2019 15:01

It’s called Hinge

OP posts:
WhatTiggersDoBest · 12/10/2019 15:02

I feel like there are a lot of people on this tread who have never played Cards Against Humanity. Hmm
I think, OP, you've hit a maturity/sense of humour clash and nothing more. I'd move on and find someone else to date.

GotOffThePlane · 12/10/2019 15:16

I just don’t understand why he wouldn’t say 16yr old boy, just as shocking/uncomfortable and yet legal so seems less predator-like

DisappointingBanana · 12/10/2019 15:23

As a PP said, if what this guy said means he likes 14 year old boys then it must mean he also likes 90 year old women!
How likely is it that he'd have such opposing tastes?
He hit the wrong note trying to be amusing and shocking and is clearly a bit of a twit, but that's all, I'd have thought.