Should I let this go?

[Catcrazy008]

So not to drip feed will try and give as much info now.
I have been with my partner 15 years, we have 2 children, 10 and 4.
We met through my old boss on a blind date.
Things went really well and pretty much moved in together almost straight away.
We got to know each other and things were good.
He had had long term previous relationships that were shit, same as me.
My boss told me in a joking manner, don’t you know he has 4 kids?!
I replied, no he hasn’t!
That night after work I asked my partner and he denied that he had children and my boss was winding me up.
This lie carried on for 5 years, I knew somehow, call it intuition, that he was lying to me.
I pushed and pushed him on this and he continued to lie.
Finally after pushing into a corner he admitted that yes he might be their father as his previous partners were unfaithful.
Years later still I get a msg from his ex that he sees 2 of them on a Saturday whilst I think he is at work!
Yet again lies until I push him into a corner to tell the truth.

We went though a rough patch with this and he promised me he would not tell me lies again.
I discovered that he had carried on smoking when he told me he had stopped. I knew he was lying but blamed his work colleagues for the smell on his clothes. He didn’t tell the truth until I found his cigs.

Again I am hurt that he has lied.
He says that he lies as he knows the truth will upset me.

Last week I asked him to cancel my dentist appointment as I was ill. I asked him if he remembered to do this and he said he cancelled my appointment early in the morning.
Two days ago I had a letter from dentist to say my appointment had not been cancelled. I Rang my partner and checked yes he had...
So he returned from work, I asked to borrow his mobile, looked on his call log and he had gone out in the evening and then called!

I am so furious at his lies. I am not talking to him and he has slept on sofa since I went ballistic at his lies again...

When speaking to my mum she says I am making a mountain out of a molehill and he lies about the things that he knows I won’t like.
My opinion is I can’t trust what he says to me.

So my question is AIBU? What should I do?

Or the Mum knows her daughter and knows she isn't going to leave him and may be fed up about hearing what he's done this time.

'He is a good man' - Nope

'He is a great dad' - Nope

More fool you for staying after such an enormous lie.

Anyone who lies about their children is not a good catch

Catcrazy it sounds like your self esteem is through the floor. You honestly don't value yourself if, after all the lies he's told you can still say The reason I have stayed is because basically he is a good man, we get on really well and he is a great dad.. You don't come across as thinking that you deserve to be treated any better, that the lies are something you can let go. Do you fear that if you don't let it go he'll leave, and somehow you're grateful just that he's still there?

He's lying because he's selfish and because it's his way of getting what he wants without having to consider your feelings. Lying is much easier than actually being a decent human being.

Honestly I don't know how you could trust a word that comes out of his mouth ever again. What else is he covering up?

Please believe that you are worth more than his constant lies. You don't know the real him, you only know what he tells you about himself. This isn't far off having an imaginary friend. It's not a real relationship, it's a relationship with a fictional character.

Surely this is a troll ?

He’s not a great dad to the children he is pretending don’t exist. Jesus Christ.

Stephminx a quick AS shows that Catcrazy has been on MN for at least three years, so no.

But please report it to MNHQ if you so sure, and quit with the trollhunting on the thread.

He says
that he lies as he knows the truth will upset me

He means
that he lies because he doesn't want to cope with you knowing the truth.

It's about his feelings - not yours

OH and I suspect the op's Mum doesn't know about the other children so she is minimising the smoking and the non cancelled appointment rather than the BIG LIE

My mum knows the full story about his kids

Does your mum often minimise shitty behavior from men , op?
What is her own situation?
Or is there some level of dependency?
So she is less burdened by you (financially for example) if you have this man in your life?

Or maybe the mum knows OP wont ever leave him and will minimise his shitty behaviour.

What's the point in objected.

My ex thought it was the right thing to do to lie to me rather than tell me something that would upset me. He just didn't get it that lying to me was more upsetting than hearing the truth. I do understand that some people hold back the truth if the other person is going to be angry and shouty at them when they tell them something they don't like. My exes issues went back to his childhood with extremely abusive parents.

Ask yourself why would you choose to be in a relationship over being single?

1. the person makes you feel loved, safe, secure, relaxed.

• sounds like they've betrayed your trust, keep lying to you (whether big things or little things it's still lying), gaslight you so you're questioning yourself, sneak about and lie about their whereabouts.

On top of this your mum isn't giving good advice and should be listening to your concerns and not poo-pooing something you're concerned about. Give her a talking to about supporting you in dealing with this behaviour or speak to a friend instead.

You deserve better than this OP, ultimately you've put up with this way longer than I would have but it's your life so entirely up to you where you go from here - just make sure you go with your eyes open

Why did you have two children with him when your intuition was shouting at you that he was a liar?

How can you possibly think this man is a great dad? Just how?

He's got four kids, lies about their existence, likely doesn't see at least two of them, and I'm guessing doesn't properly financially support them,

And he will do the same to yours if you have any with him when you split.

He's a terrible father.

You should have left a long time ago