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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my working hours are none of my colleagues business?

72 replies

tequilasunrises · 11/10/2019 16:31

I’m desperate to tell one of my colleagues to piss off but DH says I should just get over it.

She is DESPERATE be seen as the one that works the hardest and constantly comments on what time everyone else comes in/leaves. We work flexi and she’s normally in before me (I have a longer commute) but if I get in first she makes some dramatic excuse about why she’s ‘so late’. Bearing in mind this is normally about 7:30am Hmm I normally just ‘hmm’ but it’s so annoying!

I normally do about 30 mins beyond my set hours a day, as I have commitments in the evenings but when I pack up she comments on how nice it must be to leave early all the time. I work more than my bloody hours!!

She gets really arsey when people come in later than 9 and a sarky ‘good afternoon’ is usually employed.

We are busy, but there is rarely anything urgent that can’t be spread over a few days but she just can’t bare not to be the last one out so she stays late into the evenings just faffing and moaning about how busy she is.

Would I be completely unreasonable to turn around and tell her to keep her nose out of my business next time she comments?

(Stories about how other people deal with keener colleagues would also be appreciated)

OP posts:
PrincessHoneysuckle · 11/10/2019 18:15

She obviously hasn't much going on out of work imo.If she leaves before you again say "bye part-timer" Grin

TheGirlWithTheFeatherTat · 11/10/2019 18:16

I once had some asshole report me. I was late due to being stuck in traffic as there was a huge accident on the motorway. Asked my assistant manager did I need to stay later to make it up (was new in the job). He almost laughed at me and sai there was no need. Few days later I get pulled into the office as asshole has reported me to the manager for 'leaving early'. What a prick that person was. She got herself a reputation for being a clipe are making multiple complaints about other staff. Got her back when she sent an email that was very obviously passive aggressive towards me. This was 7 years ago and she lives in another country now but I still hate her

SusieOwl4 · 11/10/2019 18:35

that's really odd . I would say "do you know how flexitime works? because I find it very odd that you feel the need to comment on my working day ?

then every time she says it after that - write a little note and make sure she sees you doing it . if she asks why - just say oh just noting you are still commenting on me doing my contracted hours .

NameChangeNugget · 11/10/2019 18:38

Next time she leaves before you, say thanks for popping in

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/10/2019 18:42

This was 7 years ago and she lives in another country now but I still hate her

This is how I feel about our area dean. This shitehawk individual has tried to bully me into doing things I am not licensed to do, and arguing that they are right and I am wrong. I have started to admirable practice of keeping e-mails, e-mailing after meetings/phone calls* to confirm what each of us said and what was decided, and after the last fanny on, when I was told at the end of the telephone conversation "And by the way - this call is being recorded." (Threatening or what!?) I have CC'd third parties into the e-mails. (Was awfully tempted to BCC, but TBH I didn't really want to escalate - I just wanted the behaviour to stop)

It's incredible how the bullying tone has changed when they realised that two could play at the threats game. But I still detest them, and hold the in utter contempt- have no respect for them at all.

Inter-colleague loathing. The gift that keeps on giving.

Original poster
tequilasunrises · 11/10/2019 18:48

I’m not sure it’s bullying behaviour to be honest! And other than that she’s generally okay.

The most annoying one lately was when I got in earlier than usual due to getting a lift with DH who had an early start and I when she got in and saw me sitting there already she started saying she had really enjoyed her long lie in this morning!

I’m definitely going to use one of these replies next week.

OP posts:
CJSmith2019 · 11/10/2019 19:42

she started saying she had really enjoyed her long lie in this morning!

She has a bee in her bonnet, that is why I would take great pleasure in ignoring her stupid comments or laughing them off.

BatshitBertha · 11/10/2019 19:53

I find the best way to deal with situations like this is not passive aggressive comments hinting at what you really want to say - just come right out and say it.

'Barbara, I've noticed you always comment on people's working hours. Why do you do that?'

And then in response to her excuse

'But we are all on flexitime contracts, as long as everyone is doing their hours why is it your concern?'

'Perhaps you should take it up with management, because I think your sarcastic comments and digs at everyone is bad for team morale, not to mention really annoying, we all work hard here and we all have a personal life too.'

Don't lose your cool, just be straightforward and honest, don't comment on her personally but only her behaviour.

Isleepinahedgefund · 11/10/2019 20:23

My manager can be a bit like this from time to time. Comments when I leave "early" (=earlier than him) or that I'm
"Not really working" when I'm wfh. I usually just tell him to shove off (we get on well!) or ask him if he can't get his work done in the time allotted. Sometimes I advise him to stop surfing the net and do his work (we really do get on well!!) I have also countered with "why, what work have I not done?" I certainly wouldn't leave a job because of someone like that.

Bracknellite · 11/10/2019 21:08

Next time just say “Sorry dude, we’ve arranged for a special medal to be struck for you, but the mint are taking forever”

regmover · 12/10/2019 10:51

Well, for it to be bullying behaviour you have to feel bullied, and I certainly would. So as I said, I'd warn her that is how it's coming over and hopefully she'll stop.

k1233 · 12/10/2019 11:45

My answer for those people is I prefer to work smarter, not harder. Then I go and automate a few of their tasks to help them (and others as automation helps everyone).

k1233 · 12/10/2019 12:06

I also have the standard work supports my lifestyle and I have a darn good lifestyle. I'd never work again if I didn't have to! Work to live, not live to work. Keep doing those hours and it will be taken for granted that you'll always do them.

Lockshunkugel · 12/10/2019 12:07

Call her out on it.

‘Why are you saying that, when you know we’re all on flexitime?’
‘Please stop commenting about my work hours, I don’t like it’
‘I’d like you to stop making remarks about my work hours or I’ll have to discuss this with HR’

BrokenLogs · 12/10/2019 12:14

I had a colleague genuinely think I was part time as I was only in the office 2 days and would be running out the door at 3.30 pm.

I did start at 7.30 am on those days and the other 3 days did 9/10 hours plus any late evening calls needed.

I was really taken aback when she said it. Because I suppose to those outside my team who didn't know, I did appear to be part time!

However this CF knows better and is being a total arsehole.

Yugi · 12/10/2019 12:20

when I pack up she comments on how nice it must be to leave early all the time

"Would you like some tips on working more efficiently?"

DobbyLovesSocks · 12/10/2019 12:42

I don't get comments but am sure some of my colleagues must be a bit [hmmm] when I skip out the door at 2.30pm three days a week. I'm lucky in that I have negotiated flexi hours whilst my DS is at primary school so I work my 37 hours over the week but work compressed hours on different days so I can do school pick up. Two of my colleagues do the same. Once DS is older I will revert back to 8-4 (that will hurt)

ICouldBeSomebodyYouKnow · 12/10/2019 12:47

IMO there is usually something lacking in someones private life when they are so keen to prove themselves in the work place. Agreed. I knew a guy used to work late a lot. Turned out he and his wife weren't getting on, and they soon split up.

Worked with someone ... [who] ... forgot about the fact that she usually went missing for hours during the day, on personal business, so on balance, she was probably working the same number of hours as others. We've got one of those. Her work requires her to split her time across 2 sites, 10 miles apart (soon to be 3 sites!) Funny how often she's not on either site Wink

... but some people to have an obsession with accruing shit loads of hours even when there’s no real urgent work to be done.
And that's the reason a previous workplace removed flexitime. Angry Sad

Definitely ask her why is she commenting. Let her justify herself.

DogsLeftBollock · 12/10/2019 12:53

Just tell her to shut her rattle and take it up with your boss if she's got an issue.
There was one like her at my place. I told her if she had quite finished minding everyone else's business, perhaps she could mind her own.
Blessed radio silence from her since.

Butchyrestingface · 12/10/2019 13:05

Have you ever walked past your colleague’s desk to check what she’s actually doing, @tequilasunrises? Where is her desk positioned in relation to everyone else’s? Do you have clear sightlines to her pc?

Astella22 · 12/10/2019 13:32

I had this in a place I worked years ago. Constant comments about my comings and goings. It used to really upset me, I was fresh out of uni and really eager to impress but the daily comments really got me down. Leaving on time I’d get ‘oh half day is it’ or on time and I’d get ‘we wondered if ud be in at all today’ there were many more and it went on for about 6 mths and one day I cracked and asked him, in front of everyone, if he had me secretly electronically tagged or had someone following me as he seamed to know my schedule more then I did. I think it worked as the comments stopped.

TeacupDrama · 12/10/2019 14:45

I think flexitime works best with a few rules about maximum flexi that can be built up, core hours or a minimum number per day worked, how soon flexi has to be taken, whether you can use flexi to take a whole or half day off
flexi is supposed to be about allowing early/late finishes and starts not building up extra days off

in my friends office you have to do at least 6 hours and no more than 10 per day worked, core hours are generally 10-12 and 2-4, ( office open 7.30am -6.30pm) but someone has to be there from 9-5.30 to answer phone
having flexi back is at own discretion outside core hours provided at least one person is there at least two weeks in advance you have to fill in a sheet so someone is scheduled 9-10 and 4-5.30 everyday
but if you wish to use to take an afternoon or morning off you need to ask, you can't bank more than 8 hours in a calendar month you can't work extra hours to leave at lunchtime on friday unless you booked it

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