To be completely fed up of getting the bus

[Richtea15]

I’m 24, and getting incredibly frustrated with being a non-driver.

Up until about age 23, I felt too young, nervous and naive to learn to drive. Annoyingly, I probably could’ve afforded lessons then, whereas I can’t now. Let alone afford a car, insuring one, etc.

I dislike buses in general. But it drives me mad that I finish work at 3:30pm everyday, but have to wait around until 4:15pm for a bus (that is more often than not, late). I just want to GOOO. I just wish I could get into my own car, like a grown adult woman, and go. It makes me feel dependant and childish to not be able to drive.

If I’m not at work, I rarely go anywhere without my partner (who does drive). I just simply can’t be arsed planning my day around getting a bus to and fro. I can’t do the weekly shop, for example, as I would have too many heavy bags to lug onto a bus. That’s if there’s even a direct one to a supermarket - because I will NOT waste my time getting more than one bus! 😤

Sorry, this is turning into an excessive rant. Any one else who didn’t learn to drive until late twenties or even thirties? I could use your words of wisdom to keep me sane. I have a rant to poor DP just about every week!

Driving seems to be a lot less popular with teenagers than it used to be.

All of my friends were competing to see who would get their licenses first when we were 17.

If you learned to drive, would you be able to use the family car to get to work, or does your DP use it every day? If the latter, it would still be worth learning, but it won't solve your commute if you can't afford to run two cars. As PPs have suggested, how about a motorbike or scooter?

I have taught both daughters to drive. Insured them through my own insurance only £80 for the year. Started off in an empty car park to get them used to steering and control. Then they drove every time we went out. They studied their theory , passed and 6- 8 weeks later took the test.

Lessons are great if you can afford them but not essential. Driving is an essential life skill in my opinion and opens up so many job/travel opportunities. I am honestly shocked by how many women on MN say 'my dp drives but I don't' honestly it's like a step back to the 1950s !

You have a massive advantage if you have a DP who already has a car . Go for it !!

Don't worry about it OP, there's been some good suggestions on here. I'm 31 and can drive but can't ride a bike!

I learnt at 35, but the main reason was I lived and worked in the city centre, was single, and had no need for a car. Now I'd be lost without it!

@Bloodybridget

At the moment, DP uses his car to go to work. It would still be worth it for me to learn and be insured on his car to use on weekends, etc. Would help me build more confidence before getting my own car, maybe. We've discussed the idea of sharing his car through the week, as he actually doesn't mind going on the train.

Don't think you'll get me on a motorbike or scooter, though.

I'm in the exact same position OP. I did learn at 17, but I absolutely hated it, was so not confident and panicked constantly, had so many breakdowns and panic attacks, and then failed my test over and over again. I gave up. I ran out of money and I ran out of patience.

Now I'm 23 and I'm stuck in the same position as you. No time and no money to funnel into learning, and I can't help but fear the same thing would happen again. It's horrible

Oh and my town was voted one of the worst places to learn to drive in the entire UK but never mind that.

Would you consider trying to get an automatic only license? Auto much easier to learn then manual and so many cars these days are now autos.

Basically you don't have to practice repeatedly clutch control

@Thehouseintheforest

Thank you so much for your advice. I really feel more motivated now, knowing I don't really need to fork out for so many lessons, when I have a DP who can help teach me. I'm lucky in that he's a good driver, taught by a brilliant instructor, too.

I completely agree that driving is an essential life skill. It can be even more so, depending on your career, too. Incidentally, my career involves lugging a lot of stuff about - so owning a car really is quite essential! It feels rubbish having to constantly rely on someone else to get myself to and fro. Be it my partner or a bus. I really just want my own independence.

@AllStarBySmashMouth

(Your username name me lol btw )

I have one of my kind! Most people my age either drive so can't relate, or they're still in uni so doesn't effect them, OR live/work in a city so again, unaffected.

I would've been the same as you, had I of tried learning when I was younger. I think some people need the experience of taking on responsibility in other areas of life, before they learn to drive. To me, operating a vehicle amidst other traffic is a huge responsibility. At one point I felt more capable of having a baby than driving! (I don't have a baby yet, mind). But now, my life has overruled that fear, and I'm just so ready to do it. I'm sure you'll have matured and changed so much now, that you'll be ready to do it the second time around. :)

I didn’t learn to drive till I was 38. Never too late!
I also hate buses and if I need to use public transport, would always try and get a train.

I learned to drive as I had 3 kids and trying to get to school/clubs/pals hourses was too long and hard.

Can your partner and / or parents club together to get you a bicycle for Christmas? (I got my beautiful second hand Dutch bike for £90 on eBay). I cycle 6 miles each way to work and back. It’s half the time of my commute via public transport, makes me feel so free and I can leave wherever I want/ go a different route if I fancy etc.

Depends whether you’d have a safe enough route or not though. There’s also some additional expenditure at first: lights, lock, helmet, sturdy waterproofs, pannier bags. But after that it’s completely free!

@ConkerGame

I have considered a bike - but I wouldn't like cycling on roads!
I know, I'm silly. But unless there are some cycle paths/trails between home and work, I don't think I'd be comfortable doing it.

My grandma only learnt to drive after my grandad died when she was in her 60s. She'd spent her whole life relying on him as taxi driver then realised she was almost housebound withouft a car. Just goes to show that you can learn to drive at any age but she was a stereotypical old lady driver who never went above 20mph, would take forever to pull out at a roundabout and wouldn't drive in the dark.

I learnt to drive and passed my test a week before my 40th. Best thing I ever did. This morning DH took the car to take dd2 to school (30mins away in car) and I had to rely on public transport to get dd1 to an appointment, hated it. We are not well off, and keeping a car on the road is expensive for us (£1100 last month to fix the instrument cluster 😭 really was pasta most of the month for dinner) but I can't ever imagine being without the car now.

If you can then really learn to drive, I doubt you would regret it!

@Richtea15 thank you for the support I should never have started learning. Everyone kept telling me how vital it was and my grandparents were offering to pay for lessons as a birthday gift, so I felt like I had no option. But it was totally the wrong idea. I don't think learning at 17 works for everyone, regardless of the "you need to learn when you're young" mentality. I had no confidence, had never had any real responsibility, I was completely overwhelmed by the whole experience. If I'd left it until I was at uni, say 20/21 maybe, I think I would've done it. Instead, I was too traumatised to try again and now I still have no licence.

I'd say jokes on my family, but really the joke is me.

I'm 34 and still don't drive. Husband won't let me cos I have road rage when I'm a passenger let alone behind the wheel lol 😂

You don’t have to take lessons. If your partner or someone is happy to teach you fine.

I learned at 31 and my instructor told me the older the better when it comes to driving as adults are more aware of other road users and less likely to behave like a tit ;)

I’m in the same boat as you. 27 now and my work base has just moved to the opposite end of the city, which means 4 buses EACH WAY and 2.5 hours each way too. Currently on mat leave so saving up to do an intensive course while I am not at work.

It’s a ballache.

To be completely fed up of getting the bus? Not AIBU at all. I’ve had the same issues you mention my whole adult life. You have to plan everything around not being able drive. You can’t go to certain places or get certain jobs. You may get stuck in a living situation, or a relationship.

I just passed my test and I’m 29.

I first took 40+ lessons as a student. Took a long break. Then 40+ more in mid-twenties and failed some tests. Another long break. And then had 40+ lessons just now and another couple of tests.

Every time I stopped was because of money. Learning to drive has cost me thousands and thousands because I kept taking long breaks, because I paid as I went, which meant I couldn’t always afford to have more than one lesson a week, so I had to have more lessons than If I’d had some savings and paid to have 2-3 lessons per week consistently because I could afford it.

I really recommend that you focus on saving around 1.5-2K, then book 2-3 lessons per week for say, 10-12 weeks. Just get them all in the diary. Good instructors tend to be booked up weeks in advance. While you’re learning to drive, really study up and pass your theory and save more money for your actual test (usually £62 a pop- and remember you’ll need 2-3 hours of your instructor’s time on test day) and keep putting away in case you need a few more lessons- and obviously, for your car.

I know this seems very much about money but I feel not having the money really held me back from passing. Now I have passed, only now am I able to save for a car, so I’m getting the bus for now. Don’t do that. Save up front. It will save you money in the long term, you’ll likely get a discount for block booking (I missed out on huge savings on this) and you’ll pass much sooner. It will be so worth it.

Driving lessons are much more expensive than when I was a student. And more expensive than they were a few years ago, so the sooner you can go for it, the better.

@Damntheman

I like your instructors thinking! ;)

I'm definitely more road-aware as a passenger now than I was a few years ago - so there must be some truth to that!

If I’m not at work, I rarely go anywhere without my partner (who does drive)

No offense but this reminds me of those very elderly women who rely on their husbands to drive them everywhere and need to go together to do the weekly shop. It's no way for a woman to live in 2019. Just learn to drive.

How far away is your work and or the supermarket?

My daughter took numerous tests bryan the age of 17,18. Failed ever test. Now says she never wants to drive. She is doing a PGCE placement which would take about 30 mins by car but at least one and half hours by train and still needs taking to and from the station. I think she was too young. I am going she changes her mind and will learn but who knows. An awful waste of money for lessons and tests which we paid for.