To say it’s easier now than it was then...

[isittooearlyforgin]

I now have one preteen and a teenager. In conversation with friends of similar aged children, friends are telling me it’s harder now than it was then but I just can’t believe it. I think they’ve forgotten how hard the early years are, sleepless nights, constant attention, not being able to leave them for 2 minutes, not having a wee or shower alone etc. I get that they need emotional support and you’ve got to let go more but honestly...nothing can be harder than the first 5 years surely?!

easy baby=easy teen

no.
see my above post about ds, easy baby (slept through - 10 pm - 6 am) at 6 weeks,very normal lively toddler, nightmare pre-teen, not an easy teen.

dd1, sleepless baby, laid back from toddler to teen, but heartache in other ways

My children are adults now. I think the most physically tiring time is having a child under 4. There is mental worry with teenagers and sometimes being unsure how to handle things but I don't think it is as physically demanding.

Mine are between 10-19 and it’s 100 times easier now! Sleepless nights and no time to myself was a killer! Mine are (generally!) lovely now.

I've never experienced any sleepless nights. My DC is 2 nearly

Mine are 14 and 10 and for me, this is the hardest phase of parenting so far. I would go back 5 or 8 years in a heartbeat if I could.

Mine are 23 and 20, and tbh it's been pretty much plain sailing since secondary school - they are the most wonderful company and the people I most want to spend time with. And their friends are gorgeous too.

DD1 was the world's most demanding baby/toddler/preschooler, and she still has her moments, but the force of her personality cannot be underestimated. DD2 was a dream child, but she is more of a bottler-upper which results in drama at times.

Teens win for me!

I have got an 11yo and a 1yo.

The 11yo sleeps through the night and can make himself dinner, but enrages the crap out of me for fun and presents all kinds of anxiety about whether I'm getting it right and have enough time to correct things. He can read and discuss books I actually have an interest in, yet the 1yo would like to listen to baby bloody shark on repeat 24/7 while emptying every drawer in a 5 mile radius.

I don't know that either are harder. The 1yo is probably more intense with hands on needs and supervision required, but his desires are fairly simple, the 11yo is more of a puzzle.

Oh oops I forgot to add the fun parts of the baby - he is much more hilarious and adorable. He does new things all the time which keeps him novel and interesting. DS1 hasn't come out with any new words in ages!

No never mind, the preteen doesn't have tantrums at 2.30 am. FFS.

I think setting up comparisons like this doesn't really help.

They are really different in terms of challenges.

To use a sporting analogy, would you find it harder to run a marathon, swim the Serpentine or ride from London to Brighton? Or would you respect that they are all tough, and that some people find one easier than another, but they'd just how they turned out?

I’ve got a 2 year old and it’s very physically hard (lack of sleep, no rest, constant supervision) but with my 11 year old DSD I can see why people say it gets harder in different ways as there’s a lot more emotions to manage and it feels much easier to get it wrong. There’s also the worry of missing something that’s happening for them.
I also think all children go through a hard stage, some are hardest when they’re babies and some when they’re older. Equally some parents are fantastic with younger children but find older children much harder.

That s my experience too but I think it depends on the baby/ child and school. Colicky Baby that won't sleep vs teenager happy in their skin having a good time at school? I know which I would prefer. But then it was the other way round.. .

I have a 22 year old. I can definitely confirm that the first 4 years are definitely the hardest. Then it just gets easier each year.

Your at a nicer stage now but it does get harder again I think as they want more independence etc etc.
I found the older teen ages tricky but I agree it's nice not having the baby years too. It's all a roller coaster and although mine are in their 20s , I still worry about them!

I agree with you OP. Babies and toddlers are constant work, and you have so many sleepless nights. Your life is not your own. Even going to the toilet or hanging out the washing can be damn near impossible some days.

Teenagers can be moody buggers and they sometimes do very stupid/selfish things that impact the family, but on a basic level they take care of themselves. You are able to live your own life.

I think people tell you it's harder because by the time their DC are teens they've forgotten how hard the early years were.

DS is 14 and yes, we've had our challenges but like some others said, sleeping late in the morning, shopping On your own, date nights with OH without having to get a babysitter, someone else to make you tea and toast.... oh it's worth a bit of teenage angst. So much easier!

Mine are 6 and 9 and it's definitely just got significantly easier. Both get up in the morning and make their own breakfast. They can get themselves ready and put on their own shoes. They wash themselves. 9 year old walks home from school when 6 year old has a club so I only have to go out once. If I pop out there's only one I have to take and she's usually compliant when on her own. Not sure if it will suddenly get harder again when the hormones start to kick in though

I've got one in Y10 and one in Y6 and life has got easier every year since they were both in primary school. Parenting teenagers is a breeze compared with toddlers.

I have 2 DDs. Age 3 and 14. The teen is soooo much easier! Sleeps a lot, don’t scream or run off, cooks for herself, entertains herself, I can have enjoyable conversations with her.
Yes she can be moody and it drains me trying to get her to tidy her room or study. But it’s nothing compared to the relentlessness of a toddler.

Having said that, DD2 has gotten a lot easier this past 6 weeks since starting nursery school. The school years really are golden!

Overall, I’d say there’s an extra fear that comes in once you can no longer personally ensure their safety. Worse even than that background fear that starts when they’re born.

I have four ranging from a recent graduate to a preschooler.

The days when it was me and two tinies with long days to fill, and company for every trip to the loo, fishing things out of VCRs and noses, and all that constant vigilance, really do seem like halcyon days now. Intense but straightforward.

I was just saying recently I understand why Mrs Weasley has that clock device.

I totally agree Tottie. I feel sick with worry at times when I get news from my adult “ children” about their latest fun stuff! The first few years of the three boys having a driving licence was scary too!
Not actively parenting when you are a parent I find very difficult ( but I keep my mouth shut as I don’t want to be that mother in law!)

The first few years of the three boys having a driving licence was scary too!

DD1 has recently passed her test - any time she calls I automatically think the worst. There's been loads of accidents recently & whenever I hear of one I'm straight on the phone to check she's ok 🙈

Scrub all that! My 15 year old has just asked to have a party with alcohol. Omchrist!

@isittooearlyforgin

Once you'd picked yourself up off the floor what did you say?

Not yet!