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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

18 month old has a cold sore

31 replies

calvinkleinjeans · 10/10/2019 17:32

I have never had a cold sore before, neither has DP. None of my family get them and none of his either. Apart from his DD and her mom (his ex).

DSD probably has one one a month and haven't seen ex without one.

I have told her from day one no kissing the baby but she never listens and she is the only one she could have caught it from.

I'm not angry at her, I don't know how I feel, I'm just devastated that my baby has a life long virus that I can't get rid off 😢

AIBU 😢😢

OP posts:
Icantreachthepretzels · 10/10/2019 17:42

No YANBU
It's obviously not that terrible in the grand scheme of things but I understand why you're upset - and it's a pain and a faff your baby is now going to have to put up with (and you and DP will now have to be extra careful not to catch it yourselves).

Just always have some zovirax about your person and whenever you spot a coldsore apply it asap. When your little one gets older they can learnt to do that themselves.

Flowers
Skyecat · 10/10/2019 18:17

Is she the only person who kisses the baby full stop?

I'm asking as 6 in 10 people in the UK carry hsv1, but most are asymptomatic.

AthollPlace · 10/10/2019 18:19

Presumably your DP was kissing the mother at some point. Are you sure he doesn’t have it? It can be asymptomatic.

mummmy2017 · 10/10/2019 18:20

Sorry you had this happen.
I have spent twenty odd years scream at my kids, don't touch my drink, I have a cold sore.
The creams do work, and I only ever have one showing for a few days.

NotGreenNotKeen · 10/10/2019 18:21

It can be transferred from cups and cutlery and towels which haven't been washed thoroughly enough. It's a virus so lingers.

lyralalala · 10/10/2019 18:21

Unless your DD never touches other children or toys or never puts anything in her mouth then it's not guaranteed your DSD is the one who gave her it.

NotGreenNotKeen · 10/10/2019 18:29

Be prepared for other symptoms like headaches, miserableness, feeling unwell etc etc

Kaykay06 · 10/10/2019 18:30

My mum got them and my sister and I never did, still don’t. Boyfriend gets them so obviously careful with certain things but none of my kids get them either. I’d have been worried when they were newborns as they can be very unwell. It’s no ones fault, it can spread easily not just from kissing, kids touch their faces then other things. No point in screaming at anyone to not touch glasses etc

PumpkinP · 10/10/2019 18:31

Yanbu I would be very upset

TottieandMarchpane · 10/10/2019 18:32

DSD probably has one one a month and haven't seen ex without one.

Is this where we’re all supposed to denounce your DP’s ex as a scabby, diseased baggage?

I never heard of a permanent cold sore.

57Varieties · 10/10/2019 18:34

My son got one at age 2, he’s 13 now and never had another one so it’s not that big a deal. It’s just a cold sore virus, it’s not going to have a big impact on his life. I hardly ever get them. Once every couple of years maybe.

Whattodoabout · 10/10/2019 18:35

YANBU, I’d be gutted. As others have said though, most people have herpes but don’t have symptoms (so no cold sores). It’s possible you and DP have it without realising, your DP did kiss his ex I’m assuming.

I’d be concerned for DSD having a cold sore every month, she needs to go see the GP and look at her diet too.

TottieandMarchpane · 10/10/2019 18:38

You can’t fall into the trap of resenting DSD for this. You need to realise it was probably inevitable.

LavendarGreen · 10/10/2019 18:39

@calvinkleinjeans Might sound daft but I find it works on the rare occasion I get a cold sore......

Put aftershave on it.

Sounds like an old wives tale, but it works!

What has also been known to get rid of a cold sore is...

A dab of nail polish remover.

OR

a dab of toothpaste - preferably with baking soda!

Original poster
calvinkleinjeans · 10/10/2019 18:40

@TottieandMarchpane No it isn't. But the fact you think them words are exactly what I do not want my daughter to be called when she grows up.

OP posts:
57Varieties · 10/10/2019 18:43

No one’s going to call her a scabby, diseased baggage because she has cold sores. They’re massively common.

IHaveBrilloHair · 10/10/2019 18:46

Dd has had them since she was about 2.
She's now 18, and I had my first one two weeks ago age 41.
You are being mean about you stepdaughter.

TottieandMarchpane · 10/10/2019 18:47

I don’t think it. But I think you’re upset and you’ve blown it up in your mind to DSD having one every month and her mum having one permanently, which can’t be the case. Only a very ill immune-compromised person would have constant cold sores.

You’re making the case that he can only possibly have caught it from DSD, when in fact, as PPs have said, your DP is just as likely to be symptomless and shedding virus.

You need to make your peace with it, not attach blame to any one person, and try to calm down a bit. I know it’s difficult when it’s your baby and of course your upset. But don’t say or do anything you’ll regret.

Original poster
calvinkleinjeans · 10/10/2019 18:48

@IHaveBrilloHair sorry I'm being mean where exactly???

OP posts:
AllFourOfThem · 10/10/2019 18:49

Maybe he caught it from a toddler group, library rhyme times, nursery or anywhere else that he has been. It might not be your DSD.

I don’t know how hard they are to catch. I’ve never had one but have a few friends who get them and none of their children have caught them which makes me wonder if some people are just more susceptible or else they have caught them and are asymptomatic, just like it’s possible for others in your family (or even you) to be.

Original poster
calvinkleinjeans · 10/10/2019 18:51

I'm just gutted that I have went my whole life, DP has went his whole life and our parents and siblings without having one but now DD has had one I'm just upset. I suppose it's like a receding hairline! It's not the end of the world but nobody wants it 😩

OP posts:
TottieandMarchpane · 10/10/2019 18:52

It’s just luck of the draw.

Sleepinglemon · 10/10/2019 19:25

You catch the coldsore virus from the liquid inside the blisters. You cannot catch it from someone without an active coldsore so op's DP cannot be 'shedding the virus'. DH gets cold sores. Neither me or DS do because we don't share towels, glasses etc... or kiss when he has one.

sheshootssheimplores · 10/10/2019 19:34

I can completely understand. Unfortunately anyone is susceptible to catching the virus at anytime of life. Your daughter could have caught the virus later in her life from a friend or boyfriend. So don’t feel too terrible about it.

My six year old got his first outbreak around the age of four. I suspect my three year old will also be prone to them. I get maybe one every five years, DP similar. What can you do 🤷‍♀️ You can’t stop kids from cuddling and kissing each other. We were scrupulous and yet somehow our son still caught it. It’s a ball ache but worse things happen.

TottieandMarchpane · 10/10/2019 19:57

You catch the coldsore virus from the liquid inside the blisters. You cannot catch it from someone without an active coldsore so op's DP cannot be 'shedding the virus

Not so, unfortunately;

www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/herpes-simplex-virus

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