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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Working after kids go to bed...

41 replies

Jadefeather7 · 09/10/2019 20:58

I’m currently on mat leave. Looking to go back in 3 months. My baby has had a great routine for a while 7pm-7am and hopefully it stays that way. I work in the city and will likely get a nanny. Was planning to work from home or work hours that allow me to spend either 7am-9am or 5pm-7pm with baby 2-3 times a week and make up the time by working in the evening when baby is asleep. Does anyone do this? How do you find working in the evenings. Thanks!

OP posts:

clairedelalune · 09/10/2019 21:07

As a teacher it is fairly normal for me, nightmare however when they have evenings of not sleeping though! I have been known to sit in bedroom with laptop/marking. By time they are asleep and you have eaten /had half an hour to yourself/ done some chores realistically you are not starting work until 8.30-9; i usually work from then until 11 or 12. I am permanently knackered in term time, but can do it as psychologically I know I have x number of weeks before week or 2 off; not sure I could sustain it through the whole year in a 'normal job'

GettingABitDesperateNow · 09/10/2019 21:07

I and my husband do it on occasion. If you have a job where you already work late then it wont be much of a change.

To be honest I dont like it, I'm always exhausted anyway, and after the baby is in bed there is always tidying up to do, from dinner, kids toys etc. and I dont find I'm able to log on before 8.30ish. I inevitably get sucked in to doing more than I meant to and logging off at 10 or something then going straight to bed then having rubbish sleep and dreaming about work all night!

I dont have great health or physical resilience though and am pushing 40 so if you're young and fit it's probably a lot more manageable

mindutopia · 09/10/2019 21:17

I think this is quite normal. My dh and I have pretty much always done this since our eldest was a baby. Dh is self employed and works 50 ish hours a week, but also does the school runs 3 days a week, so the time has to be made up somewhere. I work in London with a long commute, full time, but compressed hours over 4 days, so I work 9 hour days. On my commuting days, I mostly cover this, but at least one of my 4 days I work from home school hours (9-2:45) and then I have Fridays off with our toddler and I do the school run with our eldest on that day too.

For us, it works great. We have good careers that we enjoy and we are financially comfortable as we can both work full time, but we also get lots of time at home during the most important hours. One of us picks our school age one up every day at 3. We don't use any wrap around care or family help. One of us is home with them whenever they need someone home. It just means we work 8-10 ish several nights a week. But we are both working, so no one is missing out on time with the other. On weekends, we relax and enjoy time alone together. It's much better than working to 5/6 every day and missing out on family time.

converseandjeans · 09/10/2019 21:22

Always did this as a teacher. Hard getting the books out at 8pm tho, It's easier now they are older as they can feed/bath/dress themselves so I can do work while they are still up and about. It was stressful when they were ill or had been allowed a nap by the childminder meaning they didn't sleep til 10pm. I was exhausted tbh but feel that it was best for the kids.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 09/10/2019 21:25

I work from home in the evening a lot, in fact I'm procrastinating right now! I second those above, I get more flexibility BUT less evening down time and have to plan social things carefully around my work commitments. Its tiring but no after school club costs and I get lots of cuddles!

WhiskersPete · 09/10/2019 21:30

I'm a teacher and this is normal for me. It's frustrating when they won't settle and you have work to do. Make sure your partner helps to settle the baby.

curlychocs · 09/10/2019 21:34

Teacher here too. Usually get home at 6ish spend hour with kids, put to bed then work until 10. OH a teacher too so we take it in turns for bedtime routine so one can get started at 7. It's tiring especially as get no benefits of working the eve the next day but is doable

EssentialHummus · 09/10/2019 21:34

I'm self-employed and do this. It's tough at times - you have a tough day and want to kick back with Netflix and wine, then remember that client x is waiting on something you promised... I think planning to do this each day would be difficult to sustain (for me, anyway), but a few times a week is fine.

itsboiledeggsagain · 09/10/2019 21:39

Agree. It is achievable but knackering in the long term. Might be the best solution for a little while.

I'm considering compressed hours with some long days in office and some short days then evening catch up. At least it is peaceful and you get lots done!

thepeopleversuswork · 09/10/2019 21:41

I do it almost every night and have done for the last 5-6 years. Work in the City, 9 until 5.30pm. Almost never get work done during that time. Spend about 2 hours with my DD and have to start work again usually from 9 - 11pm. Not ideal and knackering but couldn't keep up with the married and entitled blokes without them bitching about my being a part-timer if I didn't do it.

It's doable, you get used to it. If you're able to work from home some of the time it takes the edge off by minimising the commute. It helps if you enjoy your job and are paid well.

I miss watching TV in the evenings though

Figgygal · 09/10/2019 21:41

I'd be amazed if any employer agreed to this

Widowodiw · 09/10/2019 21:43

Yes, I do five hours in the office come home sort the kids and then start working again once kids are in bed so from 10pm onwards. (My kids are older). You just gotta do what works for you.

welshladywhois40 · 09/10/2019 21:44

I work in London with a 75 minute commute. I moved my hours to do 8-4 twice a week and then work from home one day a fortnight, sometimes more.

I get very little time before work and on an early he is still asleep. So after work becomes more special.

I occasionally log on in the evening but it's tough. Your evening is a small window of time to relax and mostly I am in bed by 10 ....

One thing I have found since i have returned to work is I make my time count. I don't faff and waste time - as that cuts into my time

Laalmiss3 · 09/10/2019 21:46

Another teacher here. It's hard work starting as late as 9pm when all kids in bed and housework all done. Some nights I dread picking up the laptop but it is doable and you get into a routine. I'm sure you'll make it work for you and your baby. Good luck and enjoy the rest of your maternity leave.

HuloBeraal · 09/10/2019 21:46

Yes I have done it for 7 years now. I am home by 4:30 most days. And then work in the evenings once the kids are in bed. DH does the same but gets more done in the morning. The key to it is to ruthlessly organise everything else.
So yes, we are tired but we do the same set of chores every day. Tidy downstairs (maybe a quick hoover- we have a cleaner once a week), laundry put away, dishwasher, give the kitchen a clean, clothes out for everyone the next day, bags packed. DH and I tackle this together and now the kids are older they also do chores before going up for a bath.
Have a cup of tea on your commute so when you walk in you do nothing but spend time with the kids.

Batch cook so the food just needs heating up. Also meal plan ruthlessly.
Have a set list of chores for the morning and split it between DH and you. Same for the weekend. Outsource what you can afford to.
Don’t plan enriching activities for your child in the time you spend with them. (Maybe leave them for the weekend). Kids need your time, lie on the floor and messing around is as productive as an educational activity. (Advice from my mother who was a high flying career woman right up to their death in her late 70s).
Our nanny will do all chores relating to the kids and make food for the kids as well but I prefer to cook for them myself.
Good luck!

aggitatedstate · 09/10/2019 21:48

Why @Figgygal it's quite normal

Celebelly · 09/10/2019 21:49

I do this! I'm self-employed but don't want to put DD into childcare as she's only 8 months, so at the moment I work four or so nights a week from 7ish to 10 and then a few hours at weekends when her dad can look after her. It's working pretty well so far, but some nights I just need to have downtime if it's been a tough day. Luckily because I work for myself it's flexible in that I just have to have a certain piece of work done by a certain date, and it doesn't matter when I actually work on it.

I actually weirdly enjoy it as I quite like using my brain after a day of baby stuff, and the mental stimulation is pretty good. Plus I get to sit on laptop with cups of tea and let DP do all the cleaning and tidying and tending to baby if she wakes :D

HuloBeraal · 09/10/2019 21:50

And yes I miss watching TV as well, so I watch my ipad on my commute on some days (especially on those parts of the Tube where I have no internet). DH and I both each take a couple of hours off in the afternoons over the weekend to just lie in bed while the other hangs out with the kids. (You can do this in nap time also. My kids don’t nap any more).

ChipsAreLife · 09/10/2019 21:53

Yes I do this but I don't do it every night. I need some nights to chill. I try leave admin or research for this time so I can do it on the sofa!

Celebelly · 09/10/2019 21:54

I think the key is a baby who sleeps well and a supportive partner. I couldn't do it if she woke frequently or if she was up all through the night, and I couldn't do it if DP wasn't able to take on a lot of the household load that I might otherwise do so I can work.

He also takes her before work in the mornings every day so I can sleep a bit longer, so it means that when I go to bed at around 10 usually, I can afford to have an hour or two of me time to read or just mess about on phone or watch TV before I go to sleep at around midnight. If I had to get up at 6 every morning, I might be less fond of the whole endeavour!

katycb · 09/10/2019 21:54

Yeah other teacher and I do this. Come home at 4:30 5ish pick up kids from wrap around, so dinner and bed and then work in the evening. I'm part time atm so don't do it as often but did all the time when I was ft as prior to kids I'd get in at 7:30 and stay till 6 but with twins and a oh who works away that is not easy/possible!

eurochick · 09/10/2019 21:54

@Figgygal it's pretty standard in professional jobs. The younger people without kids tend to stay in the office late. The parents with young children do this pattern to finish off anything that is needed that day and they couldn't manage before they rushed out to do bedtime. It's tough but fairly common.

Andonandonan · 09/10/2019 22:09

Another teacher who does this as standard.

Can be very stressful when I have loads to do and dc won’t settle...dh also has work to do in the evening so we do have a very strict bedtime routine as a result!

It’s hardly perfect but just what needs to be done with young dc. Colleagues say it gets even harder when dc older as they stay up so much later.

UnderhandedBarbieDoll · 09/10/2019 22:15

I wonder why 9-5 is such a common phrase if so many people are working like this. This is fucking mental that we think this is normal and sustainable... I mean, working a full day, commuting.. eating dinner then logging back on for more work.

No wonder mental health is beyond stressed in too many people, decreasing marriage rates and divorce rates so rife , antidepressants are rife, elderly care just gets left to become the social care systems problem (you can't commit to these working patterns as "Normal" weeks, i.e. not some one off catching up or during a busy season, as well as having any other societal commitment), women just drop out the workforce after children/step down to not use their talents or qualifications..... I mean, Jesus.

Where is the time for family bonding?????

Drabarni · 09/10/2019 22:25

Completely misses the point but aren't you lucky?

Every baby I've had, and minded or known has needed a drink and woken within 12 hours. What's your secret, is baby not thirsty?

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