Working after kids go to bed...

[Jadefeather7]

I’m currently on mat leave. Looking to go back in 3 months. My baby has had a great routine for a while 7pm-7am and hopefully it stays that way. I work in the city and will likely get a nanny. Was planning to work from home or work hours that allow me to spend either 7am-9am or 5pm-7pm with baby 2-3 times a week and make up the time by working in the evening when baby is asleep. Does anyone do this? How do you find working in the evenings. Thanks!

Yes, I did this when my dd was little but it’s really hard. I used to get her to sleep, then have something to eat, etc and then sit down to work. I used to really envy my male colleagues who had the luxury of being able to stay in the office and finish their work...

Every. Bloody. Night. Logged off half an hour ago, now chilling with recorded masterchef. Fairly joyless but allows you to balance child time.

BarbieDoll yeah you're right. But it's the reality for many of us. Capitalism doesn't build in time for "family bonding". And I can't afford to drop out of the workforce because there's no-one else to support my child.

It sucks, and if I had time to stop and think about it it would make me really angry. And the worst part of it is that many of us who do have the "talents" you talk about are not able to channel them in a way which is productive to society because they all get sucked into the service of enriching the boss in the hope that enough of it trickles down to enable us to support our families.

I don't see it changing any time soon though. So we have to suck ti up.

Same for me! Leave around 7.30am Home around 6-6.30. Homework, lunches, bed-time. Then dinner for us, quick tidy and then log back on for a couple of hours.
Exhausting! On mat leave now so enjoying the break from it all!

@figgygal
Depends what kind of work you are in. Lots of people I know do ‘flexible working’.
I work whatever hours I want. I just put it in my work diary. And I make sure to do at least one team meeting a week. I’ve been known to do all sorts..

Another teacher here. Just finished my marking for the night. 😴

I used to do it about 2-3 times a week after getting home for 6.30 but wouldn't do it again on a regular basis. The toll it takes is too much on one's health and happiness.
Your plan is missing the chores and home admin. Even shared with a partner, you also need to fit in laundry, meals etc.
I used to find I was less effective and more easily upset the mornings after I'd work late. I now question whether it was worth it but I just couldn't stay on top of the work otherwise.
Could you or a partner go part-time instead.

This is fucking mental that we think this is normal and sustainable... I mean, working a full day, commuting.. eating dinner then logging back on for more work.

The other way to look at it is that instead of being stuck in an office, you have the flexibility to come home early or work from home, and catch up at more convenient times.

I have always seen my parents working in the evening, it's hardly new. What is new is being obsessed with this "9 to 5" and be outraged about doing more hours.

OP, with a baby then toddler, it's exhausting. Kids are not robot, their sleeping pattern change, and it gets stressful when they fall asleep 1 hour later than usual and mini-drama happen. I have done it, and I am really enjoy having the freedom of it. I do like to work when it's quiet anyway, I get more done. But it's tiring, when you look at the clock and it's 1am and baby wakes you up at 5 and you have to be up at 6 anyway.. it's tiring.

But surely the OP is back at 5 which is what is allowing for this ‘family bonding time.’ It’s tough, but it’s no tougher for my DH than me (he actually works later) AND he does as much housework as I do. My parents also worked pretty hard and long hours and made sure they made time for us. And as I said, till her death my mother was a pretty high flying career woman. I think this is easier to do if you work in the City with a good salary and can afford a nanny and a cleaner. If you work these same hours just to keep your head above water that’s when the grind becomes truly intolerable.

I couldn't do it regularly atm. DS doesn't go to sleep until 9.30 even though he goes to bed at around 7.30, then I have to shower and eat. I do occasionally bring work home if it's urgent, but really try not to.

Sleeping patterns change as well...

As a single parent to 2 under 5 I studied and wrote all my essays for 2 years purely in the evenings after the kids went to bed due to no childcare outside of lecture times. It's hard but I actually found it easier before my dp moved in as I didn't need to split my time with him too. It was also easier when the kids were younger, I find evening working less sustainable when they start having either phases where they are difficult to get to sleep or go to bed later.
You may find a better balance ( plus save on childcare) if you could condense your working week to 4 long days and havean extra day off for quality time. 5-7 is a horrible time for a lot of people, heard of the witching hours? And the morning sounds like it would just be a case ofbit getting up as early/leisurely getting ready for the day rather than anything constructive.

@Drabarni Mine used to wake up at night until we increased his daytime feeds. After that he started sleeping through. I guess we have also got really lucky. Hopefully stays that way.

@raspberryk I’ve wondered about doing 4 days as I’ve been recommended that by someone else too but I like the idea of seeing him every day even if it only for an hour or two. The thought of working long days for four days and not seeing him at all really bothers me.

I did this when LO was a baby/toddler - I teach also. Didn't work once they were older though!

I used to do this. Worked 9-6 with hour commute each way then get home, baby to bed and then start up again until late. Only thing is because of my career I often kept going until midnight then back on the train to London in the morning and felt like it was one big merri go round of work work work and I was tired all the time (although I did sleep on the train if this is an option it helped me!)

I had a nanny as well which tbh was also a bit depressing as so much of my salary went towards that. The only thing is that things came to a head when dc started school because as good as the nanny was when homework etc started I wanted to be more involved and nanny wasn’t so great at that side of things anyway (despite being very experienced and excellent everywhere else).
I went part time when I realised I could help dc so much more than anyone else other than maybe a tutor which I know some parents do use.

If you make your day off a wednesday it helps, 4 days in a row is hard, wednesday off breaks up the week and you're less tired.

I find that the hardest bit is making yourself get up from the dinner table (assuming you eat after your DC is in bed) and instead of collapsing on the sofa, forcing myself to sit down at the computer to work. But once I am actually logged on working, it's fine and I am far more efficient than I would have been if I'd worked straight through in the office.