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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby 3

48 replies

NooneToldMeItWasRaining · 09/10/2019 19:27

Literally no good reason to have baby number 3 (DS4 and DD2) and we are not getting any younger and we are comfortable but no spare cash.....but I just want another one so badly...probably my ovaries letting out death cries....argh. Help!

OP posts:
Original poster
NooneToldMeItWasRaining · 09/10/2019 19:29

Dont want to drip feed so should say husband works away so am often on my own, though I do have good family support. I work PT. We are in the 35 - 45 age bracket

OP posts:
123girlsandboys321 · 09/10/2019 19:32

My 3rd is 1 week old and the best thing! Slotted in perfectly and my other children (5 and 3) are totally in love x

TruJay · 09/10/2019 19:35

Gosh I feel exactly the same way op, I’m desperate for another. I have two currently, youngest is disabled and we are awaiting genetic testing which will determine if a severe disability is a mutation in one of our current children or inherited, if inherited no more children. It will crush me if that’s the case.
I don’t know how to quash the feeling either. I’m always of the view if you can manage it, go for it but I’d have 10 babies if I could so probably not the best to advise!

Pikehau · 09/10/2019 19:59

I have 3 and of course I love them and so happy I have them but I now totally understand why people stop at 1 or 2 children. It really is soooo much easier

And everything is more expensive!

Yanbu to want 3 but it will.change your life loads.

Dreambigger · 09/10/2019 20:33

Do it !!

namina · 09/10/2019 20:36

I feel the same! I'm so desperate for one more 😩but I don't want to in the same breath. I think it's one of those things where we naturally get so broody!

TankGirl97 · 09/10/2019 20:42

Life’s short. If you both want a third and can afford it, go for it.
Our third was born earlier this year. We had to get a bigger car, bigger house, are more skint, sleep deprived etc etc but we are really happy with our choice.
(I’m not going for a fourth though!)

BackforGood · 09/10/2019 20:44

You could say " Literally no good reason to have baby number 1, or 2" though.
It isn't something you can get logical answers to - it is a really personal thing between you and dh.
I have 3 and it is/ was the best thing for our family. Ditto my sister.
But then we are 1 of 4 dc. dh is one of 3. It is "normal family size" for us.

QueenofmyPrinces · 09/10/2019 20:45

I would love a third baby but it will never happen for me.

If you and your husband want another one then go for it!!

Original poster
NooneToldMeItWasRaining · 09/10/2019 21:20

Thanks everyone, for the most part I think we should go for it but my husband is less keen

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Fcukthisshit · 09/10/2019 21:33

I could have written this. Lucky enough to have 2 but I’d love just one more.

coconutpie · 10/10/2019 07:21

No, you can't afford a third baby. You already said you're quite skint. It would be selfish bringing another baby into the family when you can't afford it - think of your 2 DC who will miss out. Also, your DH is not even keen on a third.

Also, when you mention 35-45, are you closer to 35 or 45? There could be an increased risk of baby having health issues depending on your age. Your DH works away so you could be on your own a lot dealing with 3 small DC.

Sparklingbrook · 10/10/2019 07:26

When these threads come up I always think you need to look to the future.
3 little children/babies might be cute and fun but 3 teenagers and all that entails not so much!
I have two and never thought of having more. Now they are 20 and 17 I am glad I didn’t.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 10/10/2019 07:28

I wouldn’t have a baby where the other parent was less keen, it’s unfair on him and the child.

If there’s no spare money than a further child will impact on the other two financially.

It seems to be all about your wants rather than what’s in the interest of the existing family.

Ginfordinner · 10/10/2019 07:29

DD has just started university. Having gone through GCSEs and A levels, and now the expense of supporting her through university can I suggest you think this through very carefully.

Original poster
NooneToldMeItWasRaining · 10/10/2019 08:28

I am closer to 35, he is closer to 45.

coconut pie we definitely aren't skint! I said we are comfortable but not much spare cash. Plenty for bills, decent food, to do nice things with the kids, modest holidays. We just don't have loads of disposable income and have to watch what we spend (like most people I think). The main impact on our existing children would be our time and we would be unlikely to afford more extravagant holidays in the future....but does that really matter? I am not sure! They would benefit from having another sibling in other ways i am sure.

My husband's main worry is there being something wrong with a 3rd baby and that we have been blessed and would be tempting fate.

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Original poster
NooneToldMeItWasRaining · 10/10/2019 08:36

Just to clarify, I am not disregarding my husband's feelings. We are on the same page with the pros and cons of having another. Its just I am probably 75:25 in favour and he is probably 75:25 against

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slashlover · 10/10/2019 08:43

We are on the same page with the pros and cons of having another. Its just I am probably 75:25 in favour and he is probably 75:25 against

I wouldn't unless you were both 100% for.

Original poster
NooneToldMeItWasRaining · 10/10/2019 08:43

My grandfather, who I was very close to, always said his only regret in life was not having more children as they were the greatest source of pride, happiness and joy in his life. Arguably that's easy for a man of that generation to say as they were less involved in the hands on child rearing, but his words stay with me nonetheless

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Original poster
NooneToldMeItWasRaining · 10/10/2019 08:44

slash I know, it's probably best not to. I just hate this damn broodiness! I envy those people that just know they are done after 2!

OP posts:
justheretostalk · 10/10/2019 08:47

My husband's main worry is there being something wrong with a 3rd baby and that we have been blessed and would be tempting fate

This was actually my main reason for never going for a third. There were others of course, and now my kids are older I am very glad we never went there, but this was the deciding factor.

We had two healthy kids and I couldn’t shake the feeling that if we had a third we wouldn’t be so lucky.

I know I would not cope with a disabled child. And I’m one of those that can’t wait for all my kids to fly the nest, I couldn’t think of much worse than being a carer for the rest of my life.

I know it’s a small risk, but I just couldn’t risk it.

SoyDora · 10/10/2019 08:54

We are 9 months into our third. Life is a whole lot busier and noisier Grin. It’s been great though, and I wouldn’t change things.
I wasn’t actually broody and didn’t particularly want another baby, but we did both know we wanted a bigger family overall.

Notajogger · 10/10/2019 08:55

If he's 75% against the idea then it shouldn't really be a question - as pp said you should both be 100% for.

Plus the money thing - they only get more and more expensive. Sad

And as your husband says, I'd be worried about the possibility of 3rd having a disability - if you then end up being carers for the rest of your lives for a baby he didn't want, how is that going to impact things?

NearlyGranny · 10/10/2019 08:57

Just beware... Two of the other twin mums I was friendly with when mine were small thought they were just having baby#3! 35+ is peak age for twins.

Tellmetruth4 · 10/10/2019 08:59

Babies don’t stay babies. Think long term. Can you afford to help three get through education? Pay for driving lessons, get on housing ladder etc