OK, this is a badly disguised advice thread, but there's an element of desperation here so I hope you'll forgive me.
I have not been able to find a pair of jeans that fit me for almost ten years. That is no exaggeration. I've been to lots of specialised shops and feel like I have tried all the usual suspects. Today was another disaster as I tried on almost 30 pairs at Debenhams - all, according to the sales assistant, super stretchy and perfect for my shape - only to again walk out with none.
My problem: I have a hollow back, a high waist, but also a permanent I-am-four-months-pregnant belly. The often-praised Levi bold curve, for example, did not work for me because the button digs into my poor belly fat like it wants carve a path to my ovaries. And that is what usually happens: jeans gape at the back or slide halfway down my bum when I sit down, but are still super tight and uncomfortable in the front because of my extra chub there.
I'm so tired of having to wear dresses every day, and I do have very nice and long legs that would look good in jeans. 
I am hoping for the perfect idea, or maybe some partners in misfortune.