To think this is rude and to walk off every time they do this from now on?

[PennyandtheJetz]

I often see a friend, A, on the school run and walk with her and chat.

If another friend, B, comes along, she always greets A, and ignores the fact that I'm there and her and A instantly start having a conversation and ignore me. If I say hello to B she ignores me.

This morning I'd had enough and just walked off.

AIBU to think it's rude and to just walk off each time they do this from now on? To add, I initially introduced A and B to each other and have known B much longer than I've known A.

Part of me would want to just keep repeating 'I said HELLO B' and then part with a witty and cutting comment when B finally acknowledged my presence, but it would never work the way I'd want it too...

I'd be the same - and I'd probably make a pretend phone call to DH

"Hello? Is that you my Beloved? You know that Cloak of Invisibility you bought of that Giant Penguin in the "Goat and Carrot" a couple of weeks ago? It works . . . No - honestly, it does! Best 87p you've ever spent, my Darling"

It is rude of them to ignore you. It is also rude of you if you walk off every time.

It is not rude to walk off in this situation. It is self-protection, and assertive of one's own rights.

Yup, you were 'lemoned'. If walking, I'd have quickened or slowed my pace to gradually put space between me and those excluding me.

They were rude but probably thoughtlessly. It can make you feel like a fallback friend.

If it keeps happening, you could ask B if you've unintentionally upset her as she's been ignoring your greetings for a while?

Or you could go all Kath&Kim, fold your arms and declaim (in an Australian accent):
😆
"Hello? What am I - chopped liver?!"

I would distance myself from both of them. Your boundaries are not so low as to let people treat you as if you don't exist.

Or @NearlyGranny She could flounce saying

‘Get stuffed, the pair of you’

I love Kim Craig nee Day

They were calling you back - so they expected you to stand there while they ignored you. No, sod that.
Time for a rethink of the 'friendship' with the one who ignores you when the other one arrives.

I wouldn’t bother with either of them. If I was A then I would make sure that I still included the person I was speaking to in my conversation. At least B has the decency to not even bother to be two faced and pretend to be your friend.

Nah I'd have walked off too and I wouldn't even allow myself to be shunned the next time.

Actions speak louder than words in both cases.

why not just call B out on it next time it happens?

just tell her she's rude, say why you think that, and then just walk off.

same outcome - you distance yourself from them, but at least you make her feel uncomfortable in the process.

If they are calling you then there is no problem, you hardly know B are you sure there aren’t any hearing issues ? Because it’s odd that she would ignore an hello then ring you to hang out??

I have had this happen - in the early days of DC being at school.

When they were 5 to 8 y.o. DH worked night shifts (10-6,) and mornings (6-2,) so he was always there to get the kids from school. I worked 10 til 4. Monday to Thursday. I had no choice in those hours. DH told me about this mum and that mum who chatted to him at the gate whilst waiting for their kid(s.) Fine. No big deal.

I took them to school and DH picked them up. After several months I had a couple of weeks off, and went collect DC from the school with DH. One woman (who was waiting for her kid,) saw my husband, and said 'HEYYYYY STEVE!!!' with a big 'what a wonderful sight to see!'

Then 5 seconds later she saw me, and her face hit the deck. 'Hi' I said with a big smile. She was about 8 inches taller than me, and looked down at me as if I had shit on her cornflakes. Like I was pure filth. She didn't even acknowledge me!

Then I turned up again the next day with my husband - ya know, to meet my own (and my husband's) kids out of school, and she made a beeline for him and completely ignored me. Again. They chatted for 5 minutes, both ignoring me. This was my HUSBAND.

When walking back, I said 'I don't think she likes me.' DH said 'don't be daft, she just doesn't know you.' I said 'well she doesn't know you either does she?' He said 'yeahhh but we chat a lot.'

Seemed to me, she had designs on him, and was really angry when his WIFE came. Not sure if he liked her. I think he was genuinely just being friendly, but couldn't see how he was coming across (that he may be interested in her.)

On the third day it happened again. So I butted into them chatting and said 'hey I am here ya know' with a big grin. 'You can talk to me too, I am Steve's wife! I am friendly too.'

They both just ignored me, and carried on talking!

So, on the fourth day, I told DC to come out of the South entrance and not the North. I went with DH to the North, and this woman was there again, and they both ignored me... So I walked off. About 20 seconds later - (yes it took that long!) - DH called out 'where you going?!' I ignored him again.

I bolted to the South Gate, met the kids, and walked home (10 minute walk.) DH texted me about 5 minutes later and said 'where are you?' I texted back and said I was home with the kids, and said he had absolutely no right to treat me this way... chit-chatting to this bloody woman, who blatantly ignored me, and doing nothing when he could see I was upset.

He said 'well she's my friend, there's no reason for her to talk to you really. Maybe she just doesn't want to be mates with you.'

Unbelievable.

I told his mother about it that night, and she went loco on him. Said he was the worst husband ever, and needs to treat his wife - the mother of his children - better than this. Otherwise, don't be surprised if she leaves you and takes the kids.'

He protested and said she was just his 'friend.' MIL said 'don't be fucking naive! She is after you, and Sarah (me) can see it too, and you're loving it!' At one point I thought she was going to hit him.

From then on, DH went to another place to meet the kids, and when he DID see this woman, he ignored her and just looked at the floor. She was incensed, and said to him 'wife got you where she wants you eh? Not allowed to talk to me?'

DH did acknowledge he was in the wrong (a few weeks later) and said he was sorry. He also said when this woman sees him now, she scowls at him. Stupid cow. Must have thought she had a chance with him! As I say, he thought he was being friendly, but it seems she saw more into it, and saw me - his WIFE - as a threat. But them two both chatting and ignoring me made me really angry and upset.

Glad when DC left 'little school' to be honest. The 'school gate' experience was not nice, for a number of other reasons too...

We were both quite young (early 30s) when this happened. No WAY would I have been so nice and tolerant now. I'd scream 'who the fuck do you two think you are, fucking ignoring me like I'm not there.' And fortunately, DH has better manners now!

"Hello? Is that you my Beloved? You know that Cloak of Invisibility you bought of that Giant Penguin in the "Goat and Carrot" a couple of weeks ago? It works . . . No - honestly, it does! Best 87p you've ever spent, my Darling"

I'd absolutely love to see her reaction to this !!

@SchadenfreudePersonified you should write comedy!

Shit! That was long.. Sorry!

Bin both of them off. I so do not miss that playground shit. Seem to be a lot of women out there who need to grow the fuck up and stop being twats.

This would be weird and rude if she didn't know you, but as she does know you, in fact better than A does, then I'd just assume she's saying a general 'hello' and then going with the flow. When I join my friends, we don't always say individual greetings, just mooch along together and whoever talks talks.

I really hate this, it's just so so rude.

Fuck em

She definitely was having a conversation with just friend A and ignoring me.

I’m with breastedboobily - id like to call them out but what’s the point? I’d back off both of them - be polite but create some distance. If you have to point this level of basic manners out to grown adults then they wouldn’t be people I want to be friends with. But that doesn’t mean having it out or falling out. In fact it’s more dignified just to accept it, deal with it (or exorcise the demons on here) and move on.

I had something similar on the rudeness scales recently. Mum friend (yes, this term applies, ‘friend’ made purely from our kids being mates, rather than independent choice) and I shared lifts etc to kiddy activity. She works longer hours so I always did lions share of this and play dates. I genuinely have no issue with this, I like doing the wraparound care for my kid and her daughter is delightful. Suddenly she started asking other mums to take her child to and from this activity and totally excluding my daughter - it was as if the arrangement over several years never existed. All without a single word to me. I was furious because id deliberately turned down other offers to share lifts/have tea before activity over several weeks in order to keep a slot in my car for her daughter (as we had for years). Realised it was pure selfishness - she just wanted to take up other lift offers and not do any herself. Why she didn’t just ask me is beyond me as I wouldn’t have cared (I’d be going anyway and life’s too short). The kids are still best friends so it’s not that, it’s simply that some people are rude and can’t see past the end of their own noses. I haven’t said anything and remain polite. I make other arrangements with other friends of my daughter. If her child needs a lift and there’s space of course I’d take her but I won’t change my plans to accommodate someone who doesn’t play fair.

No point saying anything to these women. Both are rude. Just be the bigger person and take a big virtual step back. Have no expectations and just make polite chit chat on your way in and out. Seek out others to chat to as well. And vow never to treat anyone else in such a hurtful way.

@Fucksandflowers can I ask why? That's really unkind.

OP they sound like an absolute pair of twats, just be civil but distant from now on.

@roisinagusniamh

This is what I would call 'Middle class bad manners. People who don't know how to naturally involve a third person into a conversation.

Sorry but they don't sound very 'middle class' to me.

Being ignorant and not knowing how to interact with others, is something that seems to be a thing with the lower classes IME.

I don't think it matters if Op was rude-neither of the others will care will they?

And I don’t think manners is a class thing at all . It’s a human thing which is present regardless of job/wealth/title.

I don’t think it’s a class problem all. People with good social skills that bump into a friend tend to greet the other people the friend is with if they want to stop for a chat.

What happens if you join in the conversation though OP? Fair enough if you walk away btw, I can't say I blame you wanting to leave them both to it if you do find them rude.